New here. Is legal separation enough?

[NewLeaf512]

googled it...

Also, unlike many other states, Virginia courts do not grant "Legal Separations."

 

Separation Agreements, also known as Property Settlement Agreements, or sometimes by other names, are legal contracts that both spouses sign. In an ordinary divorce case or in a "bed and board divorce," these agreements can be used to decide any of the questions of custody, support, property division, debt and other matters which would otherwise have to be decided in a court hearing as part of the divorce. Most Separation Agreements deal with all of these issues. The Separation Agreement can even state that the divorce will be on no-fault grounds.

 

The no-fault grounds of divorce that are available in Virginia are an intentional, permanent separation which is continued without interruption for one year, or for six months if there is a complete Separation Agreement and there are no minor children.

 

Which means they only have agreed how to divide property. Means nothing

[trailrunner1975]

In Virginia, you have to be "legally separated" for a minimum of a year before filing for divorce.

 

You really should follow your gut on this one. If he hasn't even filed the papers for legal separation yet, then he's made no steps towards divorce. Also, you can't be "legally separated" but still live in the same residence. He needs to move out or she does because if they are still living together it may make the separation null and void.

 

It sounds to me like he wants to use you as a buffer for making that change of moving out to his own place. What he really needs to do is get his OWN place without you, or have a roommate if he can't afford to live alone.

 

Follow your gut, I've learned from experience that if it seems hinky, it probably is.

 

^^^this. I am an ex MM who finally took the plunge and if VA is like NC in regards to the one year seperation, he has to move out to start the clock divorce-wise. In my case my AP was blowing smoke about her home situation and we fizzled. I decided to do the right thing for once and moved forward with my divorce anyway.

Edited October 19, 2015 by trailrunner1975

[Raena]

Which means they only have agreed how to divide property. Means nothing

 

Separation agreements don't just divide property. It's a written and agreed upon statement that is legally enforceable regarding child support, custody, living arrangements, health insurance, alimony, etc.

 

It's also what is used to finalize the divorce when the time period is up and child support will be back dated to the day the separation agreement is signed, not the divorce date. (If he has children with her)

 

Taking that first step to file for this separation is exactly that... the first step towards divorce. Without it, this man is actually doing nothing towards getting divorced... especially if he is "living in the garage". He's still there, it's still his address. He hasn't done anything about the situation.

 

This is based on personal experience with divorce in the state of Virginia.. not googling it.

 

I don't mean this as an insult to the person who wrote that they googled it... my point is... what google says and what actually happens in court in each state does vary. It's the same in the state I'm in now. I looked up family court stuff and when I went to family court, NOTHING like what I read on google is what happened at all.

 

If I were you OP, I'd back off from him until he's had the opportunity to decide how he's going to handle this situation. He may change his mind at any given moment and decide he wants to work things out with her.

[GunslingerRoland]

I know divorces can sometimes takes years/decades for a number of reasons, and so a legal separation may make sense. But I'd want to understand what the reasons for not doing the divorce is.

 

But I'm a little unclear as to your financial worry in this case. Were you planning on buying a house with him? If you guys rent and share things 50/50 then you should just be able to walk away with what you had before hand with no issues.

[MJJean]

But I'm a little unclear as to your financial worry in this case. Were you planning on buying a house with him? If you guys rent and share things 50/50 then you should just be able to walk away with what you had before hand with no issues.

 

That's not how reality works. If they rent and sign a lease together, then he decides to move back in with his wife, OP would be stuck for the remainder of the lease. Hardly able to walk away with no issues.

[wbm665]

Separation agreements don't just divide property. It's a written and agreed upon statement that is legally enforceable regarding child support, custody, living arrangements, health insurance, alimony, etc.

 

It's also what is used to finalize the divorce when the time period is up and child support will be back dated to the day the separation agreement is signed, not the divorce date. (If he has children with her)

 

Taking that first step to file for this separation is exactly that... the first step towards divorce. Without it, this man is actually doing nothing towards getting divorced... especially if he is "living in the garage". He's still there, it's still his address. He hasn't done anything about the situation.

 

This is based on personal experience with divorce in the state of Virginia.. not googling it.

 

I don't mean this as an insult to the person who wrote that they googled it... my point is... what google says and what actually happens in court in each state does vary. It's the same in the state I'm in now. I looked up family court stuff and when I went to family court, NOTHING like what I read on google is what happened at all.

 

If I were you OP, I'd back off from him until he's had the opportunity to decide how he's going to handle this situation. He may change his mind at any given moment and decide he wants to work things out with her.

 

This exactly for me. There is no official legal separation in my state, but if you asked me that is exactly what I would tell you -- I'm legally separated. We have an interim agreement on the division of assets, it sets who gets exclusive possession of the house, etc. I have a completely different cause of action for child support and custody and that was finalized within 2 months of filing for divorce. Once we finalize everything, it will go back to the date the papers were finalized. So anything I buy during this time is mine, if I won the lottery, it would be all mine, etc. It sets a date, but there is almost always a wait in the US.

 

I had to be "separated" or rather wait AT LEAST 2 years from the date I filed for divorce to finalize my divorce. Not dating during that time is utterly unrealistic. Fact is, my ex is still fighting me tooth and nail on assets (what assets you idiot!! All we really have is debt), so we are going to be a little while longer before my divorce is final.

 

My chances of going back to my ex. ZERO. The ex knows that. I know that. No way, no how. So, it really depends. Some people have to get to ground zero before they will file/separate and some will do it as a temper tantrum-esque, I really mean it that I will pursue divorce if things don't improve. My ex thought it was the later for the first year of our separation. Now he realizes I am done done done.