Thinkalot Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Hi all. I'd just like to hear personal experiences of starting new friendships, if you are a woman, with other women. I have never had a big circle of friends. And it's never bothered me, I've always just had a few close people around me. I seem to be fairly selective when it comes to forming friendships. Lately however, I have come to realise I need more friendships in my life, as I dont live near any of my other friends. I've started being more proactive about initiating things, such as a girls night out, with a group of ladies who work with my husband, and who I have come to get to know over the past few years. I've been so enjoying the extra female interaction when it happens. It makes me realise how good it is for me and that I was missing it! One girl in particular I have been chatting with more. It's always a funny line at the start though. How much to reveal...how honest to be, how soon? I suppose it depends on the individuals involved. I am such an open trusting person, but have come to learn, not everyone is like me! I know someone has to start opening up, but I don't want to ever be too pushy or make someone uncomfortable. Sometimes too, I find I watch what I say, as they work with my husband. Out of respect for him, and their working relationship, I really dont want to air too much dirty laundry or even personal habits, if you know what I mean. I am thinking of trying to start a book club. They might not be into it, but I can only try. You know, each month read a book, get together to chat about it, and general girlie chatter, and eating etc. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 I have wondered about this also. Now that a lot of my girl friends are moving away now that college is over it's going to be on my to-do list to find some new girl friends to hang out with. (not that I will forget about my other friends, but I will want some new friends closeby). I guess the best way to meet other women to be friends with is at work. Other than that I'm not sure how else to go about it...I even tried using myspace.com to see if I could start making some female friend connections but it just didn't work out like that. The only females I got on there wanting to add me as a friend were lesbians But yeah, I think the workplace is the best place to make friends. I think that friendships pretty much just come naturally...do you work Thinkalot? I noticed you said you have befriended the women who work with your husband, but didn't mention yourself. If not, do you have any neighbors that you could talk to or try to start up a conversation with? You know, each month read a book, get together to chat about it, and general girlie chatter, and eating etc. That sounds like soo much fun! I miss the girlie nights The last one I had was about 2 months ago where me and all my girl friends sat around gossiping, watching movies, and talking all night. Girl pals are so important...I am going to miss them so much... Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Personally, I keep people from work quite apart from my free time. It depends a lot on the people too, but it just makes me uncomfortable. Social gatherings, outings, fine. TO me friends are people who know teh good parts, but the bad parts of me too. I simply don't want to be judged at work based on how I am on my private time. I preffer having friends that have totally different daily activities than I do, but the same hobbies or preocupations. I find that really enriching. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam I preffer having friends that have totally different daily activities than I do, but the same hobbies or preocupations. I find that really enriching. Interesting Curly. I would be having a hard time to spend time with friends who have the same hobbies or preoccupations. But then again, my circle of friends is highly diverse. For me the differences make my friendships more beautiful. The fears of mixing up work with 'free time' (a deceptive term, as it is just as organized as work), are understandable. You don't want to ruin both your working environment and your friendships at the same time. It is important to be proactive about it. Indeed a book club is not a bad idea. The most important thing is to be open. I met an artist in the train a month ago, purely because I read a particular book. The result: a pleasant conversation on art and philosophy which lasted for more than the train ride. Of course this is not what you are looking for, but you get the idea of what I am trying to convey. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Wellcome back, D. I hope you enjoyed the USA . It's hobbies and prefferences that I would rather we have in common, as in the same things we take pleasure in doing. The common points, like in relaxation sauna. I'm don't mind competition, so I've discovered that friends from different environments are a great idea, no ego, no nothing. Just time relaxing among friends. Male friends, recently ! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Male friends, recently ! I have nearly COMPLETELY ruled out males as friends. At least not for close friends. Seems like they all end up wanting to get in my pants or date me...and I hate that. Seems like all the girls I know have had this same problem with having guys for friends as well... Watch out CurlyIAm Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 I'm ok, don't worry. We're part of a bigger cercle of friends and one of the girls is getting married next Saturday. It's me and 2 of them that hang out more, recently. Nothing big, just a few films and a couple of walks in the park - it was a bit weird, though, lol, Saturday with one of them, Sunday with the other one. We're gonna hang out some more today - with both of them, thinking of something to buy her as a wedding gift - I'm clueless, btw! They're more than cool, neither of them will try anything. We're giving eachother advice on how to get more internships and stuff. It sounds worse than it really is. I'm careful, though, thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Sounds cool then. I shouldn't assume all guys that try to be friends wtih girls are secretly wanting to date her, but it seems that a lot of times that is what it is. My ex used to always tell me that all my guy friends really want to get in my pants and I never believed it when he said that, but now I do see it! Hmm...now that really makes me wonder about the "girl ==space== friends" he had!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 We're friends, Nem. Not close friends, we're not talking about everything in our lives, we're just enjoying a walk together and a nice chat from time to time. I hope that they don't want something more. I also hope that they like and respect me enough not to try to get anything more. I have confidence in the way I treat them. A girl knows how to send the right signals. I'm sending them the right signals and I'm very firm about it. I have the lines very well defined. I stay within the safe area, I don't feel adventurous at ALL, these days, haha. Of course, there's the threat that the guys push it, just to see if they can get something more. I hope that they treasure my friendship enough not to do this. It's a fair deal, I think. If you're asking yourself too many questions, you'll drive yourself insane. I'm keeping an eye out for "those type of signals" and enjoy their company. Life's too short for in-depth analysis, . I know I'm not leading anyone on. I'm respecting my part of the deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted May 22, 2005 Author Share Posted May 22, 2005 Hey girls. I used to have lots of male friends. I still have a couple, and I know they are true friends, cos they are still around, even though I am now married! lol, the others seem to have dissapeared, or else, they were exes who I stopped contacting much out of respect for my husband. I do work, yes, but in a regional bureau...ie, the main office is 3 hours from here, and there is only a small group of people in my office, most of them older than I am , and in a different phase of their lives. They are nice people, but in all the years I have been here, I have never really socialised with them much outside of work. I have made some friends through dancing I do, but again, I dont see them outside of the class really... the people I have "clicked" with most, happen to be a couple of girls who work with my husband (and their company ended up moving into the same building as mine, so they are right next door, which means we sometimes meet for lunchtime walks etc). I'm putting the book club idea out this week. One girl already is really keen. Like you all say, female friendships can be quite enriching. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Thinkalot, I have many girlfriends and several really close ones (not counting that one who judges with her shoes on ) I think it's fun to pull people from different circles. I am a consultant/entrepreneur, so I do have work-related friends (a couple of close ones) but we don't work in the same office per se. One of them is actually my client, but I really got to know her and determined she is very trustworthy before I shared anything about my personal life with her. I am in a book club, which I love. The woman who started it sort of organizes it. We meet once a month, read a book that is nominated and agreed upon by the group at the prior meeting, and order in food and drink wine. We talk about the book, but it's not a super serious book club - sometimes one or more of us doesn't even get around to buying the book and it's no big deal! I have also developed friendships through fitness classes, and just people I meet that I invite to do things, or they have invited me. I have friends that I go to music or ballet with every month or so, friends I meet for dogwalking, friends I travel with. I think of some of these women as close friends, some of them are more "activity partners" - friends, fun, and dependable - but not the people I call crying over a heartbreak or when I've got the flu and need a drugstore run. I do vote for being cautious with women who work with your husband...not saying to avoid it, just be cautious with what you reveal, as it sounds like you are doing! Good luck. You sound like a great friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 thanks- sounds like you have a top circle of friends! and my Book Club now has 4 members...so it's off the ground..I've picked the first book, and will host the first gathering....everyone can bring some food. People were keen, which surprised me a bit. I've struck up some friendships through fitness, dancing etc...I dont tend to see them outside those activities, but it's nice to go to class, and have people greet you and be friendly etc. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Oh that's great. Good for you for taking this on and doing something about it so quickly! I bet your book club will be a big success. Happy Reading! PS I am lucky to have the friends that I have. I am single with no children and my friends are my priorities though, and I really invest time and energy to find and cultivate friendships. You have a husband that you obviously give time and focus to. It's easier in my city also I think for people to foster friendships - I know that some of my friends who live in suburbs have such a hard time meeting and cultivating girlfriends. Anyway, now I need to put that same energy into finding romance! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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