Sassy Girl Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Another one who votes no. Stop trying to incite drama 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I'd say leave her be. The BWs I encounter (through work) , often think it's much too late and it just sets them back in their healing. Keep working on yourself to become a better person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 If there is any relationship you should be healing its the one with your son- have a long talk with him, apologize to him- if you need to cleanse yourself with someone I vote for him- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 I agree. It was a bad idea. I am content to go down in her history as the nasty bitch. There is nothing I can do about it. And I have been undergoing a lot of counselling and no, I have not moved back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I have only read this thread so far. Don't contact any of that family. It's closed off to you. Ofcourse the WH should never have had the relationship with you. He was using you and leading you up the garden path. Certainly the innocent victims were the BW and any other relatives. I understand the BW contacted you around her D Day and you were complicit in a cover up ie lying deceiving etc. Plus more drama from your side means you were up to your neck in this, get out and most definitely stay out. If you are following a 12 step program then be sincere with the step about "making amends". As far as I can remember this is done in any way that does not cause harm to the person. Do not entertain any ideas that your contact will be met with anything but negative reactions and possibly police intervention. If you have to do something for your own forgiveness then I would write a note to BW and store it in my phone. Should SHE contact you (and there's more chance of hell freezing over IMHO) then you can offer one text and be done. IMO you want closure but sometimes we have to do all that by ourselves and without contact with the other party / parties. This is definitely something you need to discuss in IC and how you can do this to completion. Disclose all the facts though. Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 It is disappointing to know that the BW in this situation is never going to know the truth. As a BS, I would have done anything to really just know WTF actually happened. I couldn't accept or forgive what had happened until I knew what it was. An apology? Meh. Didn't matter. But getting the truth was paramount. It's sad that this woman will never get it. And it's not because it's actually a bad idea; it's because we don't trust solo to do it right. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 The whole idea makes me nauseated, just remembering the apology I got. Then, learning some of the particulars in this case—complete anathema. If you really want redemption, don't go looking for it from them. Not this soon. Maybe not ever. It will hurt everybody, stir things up again and certainly not help you. You want to feel like you're a good person I think. I'd say continue to work on understanding who you were and why you did what you did. That itself will help you reject the person you were. It's okay to dislike that person. It helps you distance yourself and be who you would like to become. But don't start then harping on how changed you are. Try to embrace humility to and for yourself. It shouldn't need an audience. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Please heal. Leave his wife alone and heal for your sake and sanity. What has happend is now in the past. If you wanted to aplogize to her, it should've been done in the beginning. After the amount of time that has passed, Im hoping this woman is in the healing stages. The hurt of the affair has been done. No words you hold can heal her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I agree. It was a bad idea. I am content to go down in her history as the nasty bitch. There is nothing I can do about it. And I have been undergoing a lot of counselling and no, I have not moved back. Glad to read that you see it's a bad idea and also glad that you are actually in counseling. Goal should be to make peace with your past and let go completely of exMM and family so you can be free of it all and move on with your life. Opening the can of worms every few months and wanting to contact her, him or any of his family members IS damaging and sets you back. Focus on your future and leave the past in the past. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 No, do not contact any of them ever again. You left out a lot of drama and pain that you gave to his daughter and wife since d-day. They have been through enough. She no longer wishes to hear from you and you promise her and him that you would no longer contact either one of them. I am glad you are healing and have moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I agree. It was a bad idea. I am content to go down in her history as the nasty bitch. There is nothing I can do about it. And I have been undergoing a lot of counselling and no, I have not moved back. I'm sorry I couldn't offer more hopeful advice to you, but I think this situation is just too far gone for there to be any kind of pleasantries between you and them. I'm glad that you're getting the help you need from the counseling though. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I feel like I should apologize but I don't know if its appropriate. I know nothing about their marriage since the nuclear bomb dropped, everyone's blocked. What do you think? I'm a BS and I can tell you I would not ever want to hear from you, even to tell me you were sorry. I would think you are doing it more to relieve your own guilt about the situation. Unless they were to reach out to you, I would leave it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 In your OP back in July you said that you had made contact with the BW, that she'd asked questions, you answered her, then you apologized. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/540252-more-drama Please leave this family alone. You've done enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I agree. It was a bad idea. I am content to go down in her history as the nasty bitch. There is nothing I can do about it. And I have been undergoing a lot of counselling and no, I have not moved back. You sound quite disappointed that no one here backs your idea. Nasty bitch? Why do you think yet another apology would change that? It certainly sounds like, based on your history, that you're determined to turn this into "all about you". Leave well enough alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonah Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 OP, How are you going to go about finding your next guy? Do you have a criteria? Are you actively looking? From your threads I read that your ex gave the audio tapes to your latest BS... why did he do that? Was you and he in a relationship at that time? Maybe I didn't read close enough... I just skimmed it but was you married at the time? I didn't see much about your marriage with your ex. What happened to that? Charity starts at home. Do you have a plan to progress, obtain and keep a peace of mind? Link to post Share on other sites
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