What happened here? (Long Post)

[HansonGirl]

this is something that happened in the past, and so it doesn't "matter" anymore and it's not something I really need advice on, but I never understood what happened, and it has bugged me ever since, so that's why I am asking this, to see what other people think really transpired here. With that said...

 

I had gone out with "Scott" twice during grad school, but literally the next day after the second time we went out (and hookedup...yes judge all you want), he told me he wasn't interested because he was interested in someone else. Ok, fair enough. Rejection sucks, but I wasn't in any way confused by what he was saying, and I wasn't arguing with him. He just wasn't interested, time to move on. It definitely hurt, but in a weird way i was glad he told me because he wasn't going to string me along. I also wasn't really sure how much i liked him. I mean i did like him, but i was fine with moving on, if that makes any sense. I didn't really know him THAT well. But he assumed I was mad at him, he texted me saying sorry for being emotionally unavailable, and it almost seemed like he was hoping I would be, because he contacted my close male friend to tell him that i'm mad at him. It was incredibly embarrassing. I asked him why he did that. and all he could say was that he thought I was mad at him and that i'd contact that friend. (but i hadn't contacted the friend and wasn't going to - i'm friends with the guy but not THAT close where i call him right after going on a date).

 

But about 2 days after that, I saw him in the lounge, and he sits right next to me (although there were several empty, available tables and chairs) and starts talking to me, asking me what I did over the weekend. (I went out with and hooked up with him, that's what). I was young and naive, and did not understand what he was doing. He wasn't just asking in a neutral way, he was being all weird about it, like flirty. He was saying it in a way, as if we both shared this scandalous secret. Eventually when someone else came along, I gathered my things and moved somewhere else. I saw him at a party that week, and he wouldn't leave me alone. Meaning, he kept tapping me to get my attention and he told me what to do, and at one point asked me to get him a beer. It was enough to prompt one other guy who was there to tell me to ignore him. I was going to get myself one anyways so i just grabbed another one. I thought it was weird but I didn't think it was a big deal to get him one. He was also very insistent about us being friends. I basically said it's fine, but we weren't friends before. He invited me to all of his little get-togethers and trivia nights and all that. I went to only one of them, where I met for the first time his roommate, "Mark" But after that I was realizing I didn't like this. there was a big party at our school and Scott brought some girl who he had hookedup with before he and i went out, and kept coming near me with her. He and i didn't even say hi to each other, but every time i turned around, there they were, 1 foot away from me, even though i kept moving somewhere else whenever i saw him. This was not a house party in which everybody is close to everybody. this was a huge party. And my (gay) male friend said he noticed it too. I started to get really angry at that point about the entire situation. I didn't want to be "friends" any more and i just wanted to move on. In retrospect, I still did like him more than i was willing to admit at that time. so i started being more blatantly rude to Scott, and i unfriended him on facebook and all that. I feel like he enjoyed the idea of me being mad at him. if that makes any sense. One time when i saw him, he commented in amusement that i had unfriended him. But the way he sneered about it, and seemed to like that I might be mad at him, made me feel like he was just a jerk (even though i was the unfriender). Eventually i stopped seeing him very often, and it was fine.

Over a year after i had met his roommate Mark, who i only met one time, i ran into Mark again somewhere, and he remembered me and said, "it's me, Mark, Scott's roommate." Mark said we should do lunch sometime. Then I saw Mark another time at someone's birthday party at a bar, and he grabbed my waist. I didn't end up going to lunch with him but I have always wondered what Scott said about me because I was surprised that Mark remembered who i was and how we had met, over a year later. he clearly knew i met him through Scott. I knew who he was because of the thing with Scott, and also i had a good friend who liked Mark (i didn't tell her about him grabbing my waist or suggesting lunch).

 

Then a year after THAT, after we were done with grad school and had graduated, I hung out with a different friend, Ben, who is also friends with Scott. That friend mentioned something about Scott. By this time i was "over" the situation, it had occurred over 2 years prior. But Ben suddenly changed the subject and it got awkward. I had never ever mentioned Scott to Ben, in fact i hardly told anybody about it aside from my close friends. So i was wondering what Ben knew or thought.

 

I no longer live in the same city as Scott, and will likely never see him again. So as I said, this isn't really something that i am looking for advice on or need help with. It is just something that I always wondered about. After it happened, i always thought that Scott was a very strange person, and even mean-spirited. I really felt like he was a bully in a way. But I also wonder WHAT on earth happened here because maybe I was wrong. Maybe i just felt that way after being rejected. And what did Ben and Mark know? Was Scott talking smack about me? I really get the feeling that he must have told SOMETHING to his roommate Mark, and our mutual friend Ben. What do you all think was said? Why wouldn't Scott leave me alone so soon after rejecting me, and why was he so insistent we be friends? Did he want a FWB thing? I just have a hard time believing he "felt bad" or genuinely wanted to be friends. I do not think he REALLY wanted to be my friend, but maybe that's the cynic in me. But he and i never hookedup again after that - perhaps because i wasn't about to do that, but I honestly don't remember him trying.. so that's the other weird thing. and if he was repulsed by me (which I don't think he was, I looked a lot like his ex-girlfriend), again, why would he insist on us being friends?? Why did he seem all too eager to contact my male friend to tell him how I am really mad at him because he rejected me. One of my girlfriends thinks it was because he thought the male friend liked me, and this was his way of saying, she's all yours, I don't like her. To me, it seemed very very bizarre (and the male friend-who has a girlfriend, btw-thought so too).

 

Anyways, I found it weird, but maybe that's typical and I am just not very experienced. But i always felt like although Scott on paper "was just trying to be friends," there was something very very off about it. like he was messing with me. But I don't understand the concept because if i am not interested in a person I don't do that to them. I don't keep inviting them out, i don't keep bothering them, I don't sit right next to them. What happens is i say hello to them if i see them, but that's it.

Edited October 18, 2015 by HansonGirl

[TommyGee]

Yes, long post. And, yes, people can be very strange. And, no, you will never really know what was going on in his brain. I can't even guess.

[IrinaSwartz]

Story offend too long....Stranger will not answer to query about the story? Make forums just little description about the story and get discussion to it for resulting a suited answer as you can have. So write story be polite & little,,,yet to do more discussions on it.