Jessie1231 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Thanks for the book recommendation. I will look into it the next time I actually have a day off... I still think if he wanted to let me Down easily he wouldn't have responded that we can talk in a few days after we both think things over... Most people are all about pulling the fade OR he could've said "I'm really sorry but there's nothing more to talk about from my standpoint." Then call him today to have that talk and let us know how it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Then call him today to have that talk and let us know how it goes. I agree. All this speculating is getting you nowhere rams. It's been a few days so just call him.... Let us know, and good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I can't do it until I know what to say. I just think maybe we were both playing it a little too cool because deep down were very similar people and we were both scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I can't do it until I know what to say. I just think maybe we were both playing it a little too cool because deep down were very similar people and we were both scared. That is what you hope Rams, and yes scared you are. It is probably frightening for you being alone. But I think it is very important for you to be alone for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Rather than text to ask "when can we talk?," I literally just said "busy week and after tonight, I'll basically be traveling for the weekend and then busy until Tuesday." Almost as though I were brushing HIM off. (I already knew he'll be out of Town this weekend himself for work.) He responded with "Is it all right if we wait until we're both back next week and talk then?" Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Rather than text to ask "when can we talk?," I literally just said "busy week and after tonight, I'll basically be traveling for the weekend and then busy until Tuesday." Almost as though I were brushing HIM off. (I already knew he'll be out of Town this weekend himself for work.) He responded with "Is it all right if we wait until we're both back next week and talk then?" So, let me get this straight. You think that things ended because you didn't show him you were 'deep', and kept things casual, and now you just brushed him off? You just delayed your agony. And gave him more time to forget you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 I replied with "yep sounds good, have fun this weekend & safe travels," & he immediately wished me the same. That's called me being SANE instead of needy and clingy. Giving him space. Next week we can have a deep convo Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Yes, I am also confused now. You were so scared that you ran him off for being cold, aloof, unemotional, and whatever else, and now you're playing manipulation games of "blowing HIM off." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I replied with "yep sounds good, have fun this weekend & safe travels," & he immediately wished me the same. That's called me being SANE instead of needy and clingy. Giving him space. Next week we can have a deep convo Oh dear. You are not going to have a deep conversation next week or ever. Anyone who had any desire to be with you would have insisted you talk sooner, or at least reassured you of their interest. He told you he didn't feel a connection and rather than accept it, you continue to maintain contact and demand an explanation (however casual you think you are, I assure you he knows it's a demand). He continues to put you off but you persist. Have you considered the reason he seemed so upset after you expressed your feelings was because he realized you were not going to accept it in a mature, healthy manner? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) Rather than text to ask "when can we talk?," I literally just said "busy week and after tonight, I'll basically be traveling for the weekend and then busy until Tuesday." Almost as though I were brushing HIM off. (I already knew he'll be out of Town this weekend himself for work.) He responded with "Is it all right if we wait until we're both back next week and talk then?" I replied with "yep sounds good, have fun this weekend & safe travels," & he immediately wished me the same. That's called me being SANE instead of needy and clingy. Giving him space. Next week we can have a deep convo I hope it works out, but it seems the whole thing started because you were playing silly little games like this. "brushing him off"? Like seriously? You like the guy, yet you play games like this and you wonder why it doesn't work out. If you think you were brushing him off, he definitely picked up the hint. Don't come crying your heart out if he acts out accordingly, you really can't fault the guy this time. You tell him you care about him wanting to talk, then all of a suddenly act as if you are too cool to have that conversation. Edited October 23, 2015 by J21 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) People simultaneous call me needy/clingy/crazy... And say I'm too aloof. Listen, when I texted to tell him I've been busy and now I'll be out of town until Tuesday, that was the truth. I simply announced my schedule & made no further comments/demands like "so when can we talk???" That way if he followed up with "then is it okay with you for us to talk next week once we're both back in town?" Then I'd know it was only bc he actually did want to talk to me / see me himself. And that's what he did. I responded with "yep that sounds good, be safe traveling & have a good time this wkend!" And he replied "you too!!" So he feels free to enjoy himself & not like he's dreading having a convo w some clingy girl Edited October 23, 2015 by rams10 Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 260 replies…. OMG. Its the and of the world. lol Link to post Share on other sites
mattelipstick Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Rather than text to ask "when can we talk?," I literally just said "busy week and after tonight, I'll basically be traveling for the weekend and then busy until Tuesday." Almost as though I were brushing HIM off. (I already knew he'll be out of Town this weekend himself for work.) He responded with "Is it all right if we wait until we're both back next week and talk then?" This doesn't sound like the casual brush-off you think it does. It just says HI REMEMBER ME I'M STILL WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SO HERE'S AN OBVIOUS PROMPT IN CASE YOU FORGOT. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 All right, so you disagree with people criticizing me For being too aloof and not acting like I care about him. I can't win. Lol The fact remains that if he didn't care, he would've read that text and ignored it. Not asked "ok so is it ok for us to talk when we're both back next week?" My text hadn't even said "when are we talking??" You could've nterpreted me noting my busy schedule as "im trying to not make our convo happen" Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 All right, so you disagree with people criticizing me For being too aloof and not acting like I care about him. I can't win. Lol The fact remains that if he didn't care, he would've read that text and ignored it. Not asked "ok so is it ok for us to talk when we're both back next week?" My text hadn't even said "when are we talking??" You could've nterpreted me noting my busy schedule as "im trying to not make our convo happen" Yes but you texted him out of the blue just to tell him you're busy. That may not sound needy to you, but it is. If you're really that busy, then why bother texting someone who hasn't thought to contact you? So of course he said let's talk when we aren't busy. What else was he supposed to say? You were obviously telling him about your busy schedule to remind him you still want to have this unnecessary talk he doesn't want to have. If he wanted to have it, you would have heard from him without prompting him to contact you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 You texting him, regardless of what you said, makes you look desperate and needy given that he didn't want to hear from you at all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Let's say this man really does care about me (which he just said in a text the other day!) and our weird convo during our last date was him working through other issues he has.... And he saw how upset I was and realized that there are really are deep feelings, and he regrets what he said. When I text and say I'll be busy/out of town until next Tues, is he supposed to freak and say "omg let's talk right now"? No, but if he genuinely wanted nothing to do with me OR thought a further talk was unnecessary, he could've either said so or ghosted / blocked My number!! This isn't rocket science. People seem immune to the possibility that he saw my reaction about how Much he means to me, started to realize there is q "deep Connection" developing, and actually wants to talk bc he's rethinking it all. (or had totally separate issues that had nothing to do w me. I Mean his family was coming te next morning,who knows?) Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 This isn't rocket science. Nope, it's not rocket science. He doesn't want to be with you. If he had truly had a change of heart, you would have actual PROOF that he wanted to be with you. He would want to figure things out NOW and not wait until you are back in town. If he was still into you, he would worry that you'd meet someone else when you were out of town. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Nope, it's not rocket science. He doesn't want to be with you. If he had truly had a change of heart, you would have actual PROOF that he wanted to be with you. He would want to figure things out NOW and not wait until you are back in town. If he was still into you, he would worry that you'd meet someone else when you were out of town. This. Read it. Re-read it. Drill it into your skull. Guys who want to be with you and fear losing you don't wait to fix things. Family in town? Sick? Busy? Work? A dude WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. He hasn't reached out to you. Why? Because he doesn't want to. The end. You keep posting the exact same thing: "oh if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't say this and that." Who cares what he says? He can run his mouth all day long. At the end of the day he's made NOTHING happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 People simultaneous call me needy/clingy/crazy... And say I'm too aloof. Listen, when I texted to tell him I've been busy and now I'll be out of town until Tuesday, that was the truth. I simply announced my schedule & made no further comments/demands like "so when can we talk???" That way if he followed up with "then is it okay with you for us to talk next week once we're both back in town?" Then I'd know it was only bc he actually did want to talk to me / see me himself. And that's what he did. I responded with "yep that sounds good, be safe traveling & have a good time this wkend!" And he replied "you too!!" So he feels free to enjoy himself & not like he's dreading having a convo w some clingy girl You're the one who called yourself too aloof. Or rather didn't show enough depth. Trust me, if this had been a phone call, you'd have heard the relief in his voice when he learned he could put off 'the talk', and that you weren't pressing for anything now. Basically, you told him 'I'm good' - as in not upset, not clingy, not wanting a thing from him. He may or may not be dreading the talk. He's more than likely hoping you'll have moved on by the time he gets back. If he cared one bit that you were so upset, he'd have brought it up himself, and not jumped at the chance to delay it, when you offered exactly that. Why was none of this done via phone, so you could get a read on his emotions, and convey yours? You'd likely know the ending. Or is it just fun to hold on to false hope? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 After 18 pages and 270 posts.... "But it just doesn't make sense that after a month of dating, and a nice dinner together, he suddenly announces there is no deep connection. And then goes to bathroom and gets sick"? II am convinced now that he knows I really do care about him, when he returns from his trip, he will beg me to take him back and we will ride off into the sunset together and live happily never after." Sincerely, rams10 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Let's say this man really does care about me (which he just said in a text the other day!) and our weird convo during our last date was him working through other issues he has.... And he saw how upset I was and realized that there are really are deep feelings, and he regrets what he said. When I text and say I'll be busy/out of town until next Tues, is he supposed to freak and say "omg let's talk right now"? No, but if he genuinely wanted nothing to do with me OR thought a further talk was unnecessary, he could've either said so or ghosted / blocked My number!! This isn't rocket science. People seem immune to the possibility that he saw my reaction about how Much he means to me, started to realize there is q "deep Connection" developing, and actually wants to talk bc he's rethinking it all. (or had totally separate issues that had nothing to do w me. I Mean his family was coming te next morning,who knows?) If I were him and wasn't feeling it, I would explain it again and again to you in kind words. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 After 18 pages and 270 posts.... "But it just doesn't make sense that after a month of dating, and a nice dinner together, he suddenly announces there is no deep connection. And then goes to bathroom and gets sick"? II am convinced now that he knows I really do care about him, when he returns from his trip, he will beg me to take him back and we will ride off into the sunset together and live happily never after." Sincerely, rams10 It's completely pointless at this point to post to her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 It's completely pointless at this point to post to her anymore. I do not entirely agree, but Rams I do think you will find more answers within groups where people are gathered because they have had the same problems. Perhaps an forum where people write who also have had abusive relationships, or a forum where love-addiction is discussed, or a real life group near you around these topics. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I do not entirely agree, but Rams I do think you will find more answers within groups where people are gathered because they have had the same problems. Perhaps an forum where people write who also have had abusive relationships, or a forum where love-addiction is discussed, or a real life group near you around these topics. There has been SO MUCH valuable, extremely well-thought out advice given in this thread. She has not listened to any of it. Sadly, I doubt she will listen to yours either... One has to want help before they can be helped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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