katiegrl Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 People like Rams clog forums with nonsense not for sympathy, but for attention. And people, just like you, give it to them. Meanwhile, I come here for real help, and get pretty much no response. Fake drama wins the day as per usual. You are right. I did try to help, until I realized (just as I said in my post you quoted) that she is not here for help, but for sympathy, and yes attention. Absolutely attention. The only attention I give her now is to call her out on her fabrications (or lies)....as it's unfair, wrong and a huge waste of everyone's time and energy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 People like Rams clog forums with nonsense not for sympathy, but for attention. And people, just like you, give it to them. Meanwhile, I come here for real help, and get pretty much no response. Fake drama wins the day as per usual. By the way, what kind of help do you need? I don't recall reading any threads created by you.... but I will check back on the threads you created, if I can help in any way, I will! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Is what my ex did after a year normal? I just want him back and he says how he didn't come to this country to build relationships/friendships, he only cares about work, and will just be alone and unhappy even if he regrets dumping me. But I just want to make him see that I can be his family (he almost never talks to his own, even though his sister gets sad and once asked me to try to make him care about their family). I want my ex to realize I'll be his family and we can have a life together!!! Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 By the way, what kind of help do you need? I don't recall reading any threads created by you.... but I will check back on the threads you created, if I can help in any way, I will! Evidently you have been hired as the LS psychologist 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 You are right. I did try to help, until I realized (just as I said in my post you quoted) that she is not here for help, but for sympathy, and yes attention. Absolutely attention. The only attention I give her now is to call her out on her fabrications (or lies)....as it's unfair, wrong and a huge waste of everyone's time and energy. That's the frustrating thing about LS - there are a fair few people posting all kinds of lies and nonsense, wasting everyones time, where people who really need help get ignored by the busier threads. Not sure what the answer is. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Is what my ex did after a year normal? I just want him back and he says how he didn't come to this country to build relationships/friendships, he only cares about work, and will just be alone and unhappy even if he regrets dumping me. But I just want to make him see that I can be his family (he almost never talks to his own, even though his sister gets sad and once asked me to try to make him care about their family). I want my ex to realize I'll be his family and we can have a life together!!! Wait, what? No! You're not back to pining for the ex. No. One step forward, ten steps back. Go back and read that massive thread on him (and you). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 That's the frustrating thing about LS - there are a fair few people posting all kinds of lies and nonsense, wasting everyones time, where people who really need help get ignored by the busier threads. Not sure what the answer is. I usually hit the "new posts" button ...I just found that a week ago to try to help as many new posters in multiple areas. Katiegrl and so many others here who are excellent communicators and advice givers are on so many threads ...they do a lot of good on LS ...we need to clone a few people here Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I usually hit the "new posts" button ...I just found that a week ago to try to help as many new posters in multiple areas. Katiegrl and so many others here who are excellent communicators and advice givers are on so many threads ...they do a lot of good on LS ...we need to clone a few people here I agree; I use the new posts button almost exclusively to review posts. Breton you are one of the good contributors on here 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Is what my ex did after a year normal? I just want him back and he says how he didn't come to this country to build relationships/friendships, he only cares about work, and will just be alone and unhappy even if he regrets dumping me. But I just want to make him see that I can be his family (he almost never talks to his own, even though his sister gets sad and once asked me to try to make him care about their family). I want my ex to realize I'll be his family and we can have a life together!!! rams, just stop it. Stop thinking about him, stop wishing he'd come back to you. Just stop giving him all your power. If he wanted you, you would know it because you would have concrete PROOF. He doesn't want you. That mean he doesn't want you to be his family, he doesn't want to have a life with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 (edited) Wait, what? No! You're not back to pining for the ex. No. One step forward, ten steps back. Go back and read that massive thread on him (and you). Like I said on one of the first pages in this thread apparently she also is love addicted. She has to have an object of desire. If we look at fear of abandonment you have two versions, one is based on dependency. It seems that with her controlling mother and sweet father she has never learned to be alone and needs others for comfort: just as what she is doing here. And perhaps in addition to Katie, is 'comfort' not the right word but is 'attention'. For all the ones who ever have been in front of a class or group with children negative attention for them often is better than no attention. So perhaps for Rams an controlling and abusing partner is better than no one at all. Except it really isn't. Edited October 29, 2015 by Itspointless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 For all the ones who ever have been in front of a class or group with children negative attention for them often is better than no attention. So perhaps for Rams an controlling and abusing partner is better than no one at all. Except it really isn't. YES, that is so me! I was so much happier in a relationship with my ex - even though he told me to my face that work was his priority over me, and barely spent time with me or talked to me in favor of just taking on extra work projects and sitting in his office alone. He said "I'll never live in your home city, so you can get that out of your head now," which meant I was guaranteed to have a life of never living near my family again, having my kids near their grandparents, etc. Yet I was so much happier with him than alone. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 YES, that is so me! I was so much happier in a relationship with my ex - even though he told me to my face that work was his priority over me, and barely spent time with me or talked to me in favor of just taking on extra work projects and sitting in his office alone. He said "I'll never live in your home city, so you can get that out of your head now," which meant I was guaranteed to have a life of never living near my family again, having my kids near their grandparents, etc. Yet I was so much happier with him than alone. Well, good to that you know the root of your problems, but you do realize you will never have a happy, successful, or healthy relationship, correct? If you have zero intention of changing and just want to live in this land of abuse you put yourself into, just stop making posts. Just get back together with any one of these guys. It doesn't really matter who. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 YES, that is so me! I was so much happier in a relationship with my ex - even though he told me to my face that work was his priority over me, and barely spent time with me or talked to me in favor of just taking on extra work projects and sitting in his office alone. He said "I'll never live in your home city, so you can get that out of your head now," which meant I was guaranteed to have a life of never living near my family again, having my kids near their grandparents, etc. Yet I was so much happier with him than alone. Wasn't gonna respond, but my curiosity is killing me. The guy this thread is actually about ... since you have stopped obsessing about *him*, safe to presume you talked .....and he confirmed he did NOTwant a RL with you... just like we all said? So now that that RL is done, you are back to obsessing about your ex. Do you think you could ever survive in this life without obsessing about someone? And why aren't you in therapy to help you resolve this? Surely, you can't think any of this is healthy, normal....or in any way functional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Well, good to that you know the root of your problems, but you do realize you will never have a happy, successful, or healthy relationship, correct? If you have zero intention of changing and just want to live in this land of abuse you put yourself into, just stop making posts. Just get back together with any one of these guys. It doesn't really matter who. I really freak out and back away when a guy expresses Sincere interest in me and I feel it would work out. I do not know how to stop choosing emotionally unavailable, arrogant guys. And the most recent guy, he said he's happy to talk if I want to call. I ignored that text, didn't call, later asked him to return this item he borrowed from my apartment. He said of course and asked how I want him to return it to me. UGH can he just mail it? I hate men. I don't know how to be happy Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I really freak out and back away when a guy expresses Sincere interest in me and I feel it would work out. I do not know how to stop choosing emotionally unavailable, arrogant guys. And the most recent guy, he said he's happy to talk if I want to call. I ignored that text, didn't call, later asked him to return this item he borrowed from my apartment. He said of course and asked how I want him to return it to me. UGH can he just mail it? I hate men. I don't know how to be happy How to stop choosing arrogant, emotionally unavailable guys (at least unavailable to you)? Read the last two sentences of my above post no. 338. That's how. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Yet I was so much happier with him than alone. It doesn't have to be like that. Although I know most people do not like to work on themselves. And really that goes for most people, even really close to me, as it is much simpler to blame others. It is almost funny how often I heard women say that they were sick of it and would take time to really get to know themselves as they never have been alone. That usually only lasts a few months before meeting their new boytoy and beginning the cycle again. Many women can't stand being alone, not that men are really different in that respect. But really, your core happiness does not depend on another person. And yeah it takes time to get used to really being on your own. But what can I say other than Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I really freak out and back away when a guy expresses Sincere interest in me and I feel it would work out. I do not know how to stop choosing emotionally unavailable, arrogant guys. And the most recent guy, he said he's happy to talk if I want to call. I ignored that text, didn't call, later asked him to return this item he borrowed from my apartment. He said of course and asked how I want him to return it to me. UGH can he just mail it? I hate men. I don't know how to be happy Second paragraph, really? That is not what you said on a different site. Why do you keep changing your stories? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I really freak out and back away when a guy expresses Sincere interest in me and I feel it would work out. I do not know how to stop choosing emotionally unavailable, arrogant guys. There is a way, but that means you have to choose someone who feels a bit boring to you. The excitement of a 9 or 10 to us is a alarm. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Do you think you could ever survive in this life without obsessing about someone? And why aren't you in therapy to help you resolve this? . Rams, forget the rest of this thread. This is what you need to focus on. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Second paragraph, really? That is not what you said on a different site. Why do you keep changing your stories? What is the other version? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 What is the other version? Reading it again I do not really understand the last sentence of this version. Rams what are your saying here? Are you angry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 no, just frustrated. the only men i really like - where it's super exciting, i have to wonder a bit if they're into me, they don't seem to care so much & therefore aren't desperate.... Thesse men don't like me back in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
siriusp Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 no, just frustrated. the only men i really like - where it's super exciting, i have to wonder a bit if they're into me, they don't seem to care so much & therefore aren't desperate.... Thesse men don't like me back in the end. Well - that kind of says it all. YOU are not available for a relationship with anybody - just yet. YOU have to figure out things for yourself. The reason you are going for these 'unavailable' men is because YOU are unavailable. YOU are not able to respect what they tell you or what they do..... that makes YOU unavailable. Hopefully later you will understand what I mean if you don't understand it now. I think many people on LS relate to you - whether they like it or not - and it is horrible for everybody to see you do things to yourself that we have all done and regretted or almost done - something like that - maybe I am not explaining myself very well. Only when you are able to respect the other person - can you really be in a relationship - what you have been doing up to now is playing games of 'torture'.... or - at least - that is how it appears to me. Give yourself a break - learn how to really love someone and not 'need' them or the drama that comes with them. Learn first how to really love yourself. When you love yourself - the rest will be very easy (or a lot easier). I feel you and I feel your pain. You are not alone but please be nice to yourself - for a change - because you are not being nice to yourself and you are not loving yourself - at least that's what I see from your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
siriusp Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I am curious Rams if he contacted you when he got back? Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Im curious as well.... Did u guys talk yet? Link to post Share on other sites
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