Author rams10 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 He said we could definitely talk but he wasn't sure what else he would have to say. So I ignored him. But I do want this item of mine back that I borrowed. I said he could just ship it if that's what he preferred. But he ignored that and said I could come over to pick it up. So obviously we'll have some sort of convo. I guess I'll just be honest. Hey... I was in a relationship for 2 years with this guy of his same high-powered career who turned out to be totally emotionally unavailable, actually said "you're not my Priority, my career is." So I was used to distance and not getting to have a deep Connection. So I held back wen getting to know this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He said we could definitely talk but he wasn't sure what else he would have to say. So I ignored him. But I do want this item of mine back that I borrowed. I said he could just ship it if that's what he preferred. But he ignored that and said I could come over to pick it up. So obviously we'll have some sort of convo. I guess I'll just be honest. Hey... I was in a relationship for 2 years with this guy of his same high-powered career who turned out to be totally emotionally unavailable, actually said "you're not my Priority, my career is." So I was used to distance and not getting to have a deep Connection. So I held back wen getting to know this guy. Meaning he can't even go to the trouble of mailing it to you. What a great guy. If it's a non-essential item, I'd say just leave it. I can't imagine whatever conversation y'all have is going to be particularly deep or uplifting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Meaning he can't even go to the trouble of mailing it to you. What a great guy. If it's a non-essential item, I'd say just leave it. I can't imagine whatever conversation y'all have is going to be particularly deep or uplifting. I was gonna write the exact same thing. He can't even be bothered to walk to a post office for you. Whatever he has of yours is probably going to be thrown in a box somewhere until you decide, if at all, to go retrieve it. He already said he has nothing left to say to you, there isn't going to be a conversation. It's going to be you showing up followed by some clumsy fumbling, and awkward silence and small talk. But honestly, I think if you make a plan to pick up whatever it is, you're going to find it in a bag outside his house. Don't even bother wasting your breath with whatever it is you wanted to say. He has nothing to say to you, and he won't respond to whatever you have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Oh, I see it the opposite. Mailing it would be easier if he wanted to avoid seeing or talking to me. Actually, what would be even easier is ignoring me completely. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Oh, I see it the opposite. Mailing it would be easier if he wanted to avoid seeing or talking to me. Actually, what would be even easier is ignoring me completely. No, mailing it is not easier. That means he has to physically take himself to a post office, purchase a box, pay for shipping. I certainly wouldn't go through all that for a dude I didn't give two craps about. I'd tell him to pick it up on his own, I don't have time for that. I can't believe you honestly get, "He totally wants to see me!" from his responses. It's almost laughable. How many more times does he need to flat out reject you before it sinks in? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Uh he ignored mailing but next thing he suggested was that HE drop it off to ME, at my work Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Uh he ignored mailing but next thing he suggested was that HE drop it off to ME, at my work OK fine, whatever. He's going to drop it off. What part of, "I have nothing to say to you" wasn't clear? He's not trying to get back together with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 I think he feels bad and after hearing my Explanation (above) will want to try again Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 no, just frustrated. the only men i really like - where it's super exciting, i have to wonder a bit if they're into me, they don't seem to care so much & therefore aren't desperate.... Thesse men don't like me back in the end. I had a smilar problem. It is pretty low of you to blab about it in endless circles. We aren't therapists. U go ON AND ON and On With the SAME lines:sick: I am going to alert someone. This is a waste of forum users time! Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Uh he ignored mailing but next thing he suggested was that HE drop it off to ME, at my work Once again, you're somehow convinced that this means he must want you. When no one here will agree with you, you will continue to post about his desire for you. When no one agrees.. again and again...... Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I think he feels bad and after hearing my Explanation (above) will want to try again Yeah, no. Not going to happen, sorry. He doesn't feel bad for you. He doesn't care about your explanation. And he most certainly doesn't want to try again. There is literally not even the smallest speck of hope here. Grasp it. Accept it. Move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mattelipstick Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He said we could definitely talk but he wasn't sure what else he would have to say. He gave you his answer right there. You're just choosing to ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Rumination, another form of obsessive thinking, is the uncontrollable preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret and anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost, with irreversible, catastrophic results. Rumination is accompanied by condemning, all-or-none criticism, and the overwhelming belief that if things had been different then existing and future misery could be avoided. This is what Rams is experiencing and is evident in all of her threads. She does not have the capacity to understand, embrace or accept anything she is told and cannot see herself in the future. She will be forever trapped in the past unless or until she gets the professional help she needs and becomes committed to addressing whatever "issues" are identified in her and proactively focusing on the recommended treatment(s). My point is, there isn't anything we can say here that will help her and I am stunned that this thread has been allowed to continue for so long. If anything, allowing responses simply feeds the condition(s) she is dealing with and it is doing her more harm than good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 When are you gonna visit to have the chat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 Never, because why bother? I'm worthless and flawed somehow... All the powerful, attractive men dump me, I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Rumination, another form of obsessive thinking, is the uncontrollable preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret and anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost, with irreversible, catastrophic results. Rumination is accompanied by condemning, all-or-none criticism, and the overwhelming belief that if things had been different then existing and future misery could be avoided. This is what Rams is experiencing and is evident in all of her threads. She does not have the capacity to understand, embrace or accept anything she is told and cannot see herself in the future. She will be forever trapped in the past unless or until she gets the professional help she needs and becomes committed to addressing whatever "issues" are identified in her and proactively focusing on the recommended treatment(s). Never, because why bother? I'm worthless and flawed somehow... All the powerful, attractive men dump me, I get it. Ahhhh, Red, I see what you're saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Rumination, another form of obsessive thinking, is the uncontrollable preoccupation with the past. Rumination is experienced as guilt, regret and anger, over perceived mistakes, losses, slights, actions taken or not taken, opportunities forever lost, with irreversible, catastrophic results. Rumination is accompanied by condemning, all-or-none criticism, and the overwhelming belief that if things had been different then existing and future misery could be avoided. This is what Rams is experiencing and is evident in all of her threads. Yeah, we already came to that conclusion in the previous thread. She is anxious attached. Compared to the securely attached person, the ambivalent person lacks faith in both his own problem-solving abilities and others’ reliability. This is one of the reasons why ambivalent people are more inclined to ‘hang on’ to such worries without seeing a way out. This results in a vicious circle where experienced difficulties lead to rumination and catastrophizing, which in turn intensifies the experience of difficulties resulting in increased emotional suffering. When ambivalent people fall ill, or experience loss or adversity in life, they will easily become greatly ‘marked by crisis’ (Wilkinson, 2003 ). They will be overwhelmed by feelings such as anxiety, anger, sorrow, and confusion, which are experienced as being out of their control. These feelings will often be conveyed to other people, whom the ambivalent people will attempt to involve in regulating their anxiety and solving their problems. Whereas avoidant people put on a brave front and attempt to function normally until they ‘break down’, ambivalent people who face difficulties will quickly struggle to cope with the challenges of life. (Sarah Daniel, p. 84 on anxious attachment) Edited November 4, 2015 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Made his feelings clear in a random conversation out of the blue, which immediately turned into him being so upset that he got physically sick? You don't think he made his feelings clear as recently as the last few days, when he was coming to visit me at work, always keeping the text convo going, going out of his way to see me? I literally feel like there's something "wrong" with him. And we'd had a decent amount of wine at dinner, me more than him, but I just don't even feel this makes a bit of real sense He clearly cares about you, and that's why he was visibly and physically sick over hurting you. That does not mean that his decision was the wrong decision for him. I think he was trying to force something to happen that simply wasn't happening for him - I've been there. I dated a man for two months last year - wonderful guy, I really *wanted* for the magic to happen, but it didn't and eventually I had to end it. I hated myself because I know it hurt him, but I know in the end it was the right decision. It doesn't have to make sense to you. He's made his decision, and you have to live with it. Take some time to get used to it and get back out there in your search for the right one! Link to post Share on other sites
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