Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 That was a test to see if you were the same way. And yes girl, men are confusing. lol A test? How is the guy who's telling me how a girl freaked him out by discussing that she'll be moving in a few years.... The same guy who's whining that we don't have a "deep connection" after a month and then just dropping me like a hot potato? While simultaneously looking devastated and physically getting sick???? Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 That was a test to see if you were the same way. And yes girl, men are confusing. lol No, WOMEN are confusing Link to post Share on other sites
icebreaker1 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Try this on for size, OP: Before you leave him and move on, why don't you have a good heart-to-heart conversation with him? Choose a coffee shop, and sit down with him and ask why all of the sudden the change. Sadly, love and human relations aren't science or engineering where behaviour is predictable and can be calculated. Feelings change, relationships end, hearts break. I've learned that the hard way these past few months. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 A test? How is the guy who's telling me how a girl freaked him out by discussing that she'll be moving in a few years.... The same guy who's whining that we don't have a "deep connection" after a month and then just dropping me like a hot potato? While simultaneously looking devastated and physically getting sick???? He wanted you to be like her. The words that were coming out of his mouth regarding the moving situation did not match his real feelings. In any case, he's too confusing for you, so you shouldn't be upset that he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 No, WOMEN are confusing I won't argue that, but so are men. Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I won't argue that, but so are men. Men are from earth, women are from Alpha Centauri hehehe (its farther than Venus). Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 He wanted you to be like her. The words that were coming out of his mouth regarding the moving situation did not match his real feelings . I'm moving for a year's time for work starting next summer, and i made a comment to him recently about how i'm absolutely fine with a long distance relationship for a short time-- it came up in our conversation topics, not like i was having a serious discussion about him and me. in fact, my move next summer couldve been a super convenient excuse for him to avoid things getting serious with us, but he never once brought it up, just a very generic "well there's supposed to be a deep connection by now" and looking devastted and getting phyisclaly sick Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Men are from earth, women are from Alpha Centauri hehehe (its farther than Venus). Women are from heaven, men are from hell. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Women are from heaven, men are from hell. I have only seen women in a devilish red and black dress and holding a pitchfork hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I'm moving for a year's time for work starting next summer, and i made a comment to him recently about how i'm absolutely fine with a long distance relationship for a short time-- it came up in our conversation topics, not like i was having a serious discussion about him and me. in fact, my move next summer couldve been a super convenient excuse for him to avoid things getting serious with us, but he never once brought it up, just a very generic "well there's supposed to be a deep connection by now" and looking devastted and getting phyisclaly sick He didn't want to avoid things getting serious though. That's what I'm trying to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I have only seen women in a devilish red and black dress and holding a pitchfork hehehe We have to pretend to keep you evil men from getting bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 We have to pretend to keep you evil men from getting bored. But the fork is real and painful Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 He didn't want to avoid things getting serious though. That's what I'm trying to say. Ok then last night would've fixed it, considering I told him how much I cared for him, that I trusted him and felt he was becoming a good friend as well as so much more, that I couldn't quite remember ever being that happy Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Ok then last night would've fixed it, considering I told him how much I cared for him, that I trusted him and felt he was becoming a good friend as well as so much more, that I couldn't quite remember ever being that happy Im so sorry to see you having hope here. You are doing what I did a month ago…… it isn't productive. You option is exactly what mine was…. I thought I had someone special, one who really loved me, but she wasn't. My serious advice to you….. you need to just get passed this now. I know it is hard, but stay here and talk to us. Man of us have been through a lot and can and will help you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Ok then last night would've fixed it, considering I told him how much I cared for him, that I trusted him and felt he was becoming a good friend as well as so much more, that I couldn't quite remember ever being that happy I don't know, there's lots of mixed signals going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Ok then last night would've fixed it, considering I told him how much I cared for him, that I trusted him and felt he was becoming a good friend as well as so much more, that I couldn't quite remember ever being that happy Yu care(d) for him as much as I did mine. I spent a lot of money, over 6 months of my time with her (even if a lot of it was chats and video calls), then 10 days with her in person. Mine made me very happy in the time I was "with her". I know I did some good here, of nothing more, I actually saved her life and also gave her a new opportunity to be a person. I was instrumental in getting her rescued from a family prison. If that isn't good enough to receive some basic respect and love from her, it wasn't meant to be. I am telling you this because you are facing the same dilemna. Just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 I CAN'T let it go. He seemed so truly happy up until the moment he regurgitated that staement, and after it, just keept looking at me seeming devastated and getting physically sick. How can I actually be worthless ot him??? I want to figure out what's really goign on! Maybe if I pursue caring about him and finding out what's really wrong, that'll convince him there really is a connection and i truly do care Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 But he wanted you to be clingy and needy. The irony is that she IS clingy and needy. Extremely clingy and needy! Read her past threads. rams, you are barely out of a very intense and dysfunctional relationship with a man you were completely and totally 100% obsessed with. IMO you are in no position to be pursuing another one, are you even over the other guy? The guy who wouldn't marry you? It's only been a couple of months since he asked you to move out for heaven's sake! And here you are, once again becoming obsessed with yet another guy who has told you he does not want you, and once again you refuse to ACCEPT it! Sorry to be harsh, but come on now. Are you in therapy like everyone suggested in your previous threads? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I CAN'T let it go. He seemed so truly happy up until the moment he regurgitated that staement, and after it, just keept looking at me seeming devastated and getting physically sick. How can I actually be worthless ot him??? I want to figure out what's really goign on! Maybe if I pursue caring about him and finding out what's really wrong, that'll convince him there really is a connection and i truly do care Oh for crying out loud rams. Here we go AGAIN. What will it take for you to realize you need professional help? This is ridiculous! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 And here you are, once again becoming obsessed with yet another guy who has told you he does not want you, and once again you refuse to ACCEPT it! doesn't want me? he has been the one pursuing ME. even up until last night. we had a great dinner. and after he dropped the bomb on me, he looked devastated, even got physically sick. So I can't actually believe he doesn't want me Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 doesn't want me? he has been the one pursuing ME. even up until last night. we had a great dinner. and after he dropped the bomb on me, he looked devastated, even got physically sick. **So I can't actually believe he doesn't want me*** See that's your problem. Refusing to ACCEPT when a guy tells you he doesn't wish to pursue you. Refusing to let go. Continuing to cling on to relationships when it is clear you need to move on. It was the same thing with your ex and your ex before him. THAT is why you need therapy which you said you were going to get, but apparently have chosen not to. Anyway, nuff said from me. Good luck I hope it works out. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 doesn't want me? he has been the one pursuing ME. even up until last night. we had a great dinner. and after he dropped the bomb on me, he looked devastated, even got physically sick. So I can't actually believe he doesn't want me And yes, here we go again. Rams, go back thru this thread. You're going to assign meaning to every detail - but, he got PHYSICALLY sick! - and repeat yourself. Again and again. Maybe he had food poisoning. You need help to understand why you keep finding yourself in these situations, and holding on to lost causes. He doesn't want you. He said so, despite any evidence prior that may look contrary. Relationships begin and end every day, nothing new under the sun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 He doesn't want you. He said so, despite any evidence prior that may look contrary. Relationships begin and end every day, nothing new under the sun. WWhy???? He was saying himself last night that he really likes me, raelly cares about me, but there needs to be more to progress something into long term... a "deep connection"... Which makes me think I just didn't show enough emotion and played it too cool and casual! So now what if I just keep stressing how much I care for him and would raelly like to talk things out with a clear head with no wine involved? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Maybe he met someone else. Maybe an ex came back. Maybe he hooked up with another girl and feels guilty. Point is that you need to save your dignity before you embarrass yourself. You can let this go, you just refuse to. Big difference. Quit dwelling on details that aren't important. Him being sick means essentially nothing. Stop assigning meaning to that. And for heaven's sake, don't try to convince him to come back. You will only make yourself look desperate and nuts. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rams10 Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 No one is perfect and people occasionally say things out of anger, or in fights, or in an off mood. I can either assign meaning to his 1 single time of saying out of nowhere, "I think we need a deep connection that we dont have so it's not working out" - all the while looking so sad and saying "I don't know why I didn't try harder at that all along!" -- or I can assign meaning to all his actions, being the one to pursue me and even having an awesome dinner just last night. Getting physicalyl sick in that situation just showed how much he really does care, and makes me wonder if there's something "wrong" with him. It seems like it'd be a mistake for me to just give up on him, assuming there can be nothing further for us. I want to draw him out of wahtever difficulty he's having Link to post Share on other sites
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