ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Ok, on recommendation I've been reading the book "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson and man, what an eye opener. If you are having trouble with your marriage or relationship, I highly recommend this book. He addresses REAL issues and teaches you how to get to the core of the problem and SOLVE IT! Granted, not every marriage is salvageable but if you are looking for the information you need to help you decide, this is the book. It's not just for marriages, it's also for pre-marriage relationships or flat out just "dating." Had I known the things in this book a year ago, I would not be here today. And for those asking, though he doesn't call it "no contact", he does in fact endorse it as a way to show your independence. I could sit here and read everything to you but suffice to say if you feel hopeless, this book will at least give you some hope, and good information, for winning your spouse or SO back. Nothing is guaranteed, but what he teaches make sense. Go get the book now and DO NOT let your spouse or SO know about it. This a book that the "dumpee" needs to read, not the one who's walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Go get the book now and DO NOT let your spouse or SO know about it. Are you trying to get your ex back and going to this book for ways to do it? I would get a book about things like this, but I don't even want to spend the time to read a book regarding relationships right now. I'm sick of my ex's name and never want to speak or hear or talk about him again. I'm really sick of talking and thinking about it! Now a Stephen King novel...I may be able to give that a go! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Thanks CIOC... I'll take a look next time I'm in the bookstore. It doesnt seem to be in my local library. I've been reading so many self-help books, all of them say pretty much the same, NC. They say affairs usually run it's course between 6 - 12 months after its' been discovered. After that, the blinders come off and you get to see the real person (like any relationship). The only hope a spouse has in getting their partner back is to let it take it's course. So basically, you play second fiddle and hope you're a better person than the OP. I'm trying to be nice and sweet around my husband, and I'm just curious if it's going to work. Right now I'm still flip flopping. I like the person I imagined him to be, instead of the person who he really is. I just did a list of pros/cons, and boy do the cons outnumber the pros. I've never realized how controlling and insensitive he's been to me, although I've probably been just as controlling and insensitive. Unfortunately, he's the one who thinks he's a saint and sacrifices a lot of his happiness for others, and I'm just starting to realize that's BS. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Come to think of it I have never read a self-help book on relationships. I always thought that these things should just come to you naturally. By the looks of my terrible relationships, maybe I should try to read a book about these things.... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Come to think of it I have never read a self-help book on relationships. I always thought that these things should just come to you naturally. By the looks of my terrible relationships, maybe I should try to read a book about these things.... Merin recommends the Book "You're okay but he's an a**h***" Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Come to think of it I have never read a self-help book on relationships. I always thought that these things should just come to you naturally. By the looks of my terrible relationships, maybe I should try to read a book about these things.... lol yah, i would never have picked up a self-help book. My mom's one of those dr.phil followers and would constantly show me his books. I always rolled my eyes. But with the divorce, I was desperate for any help. Some of the things in there is helpful, it atleast shows you where you went wrong. Not sure how to prevent it from happening tho. I've read all I can right now. Maybe when I get into another serious relationship, I'll pick up another book and see if it helps. I'm definitely going to pre-marriage counselling tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Author Share Posted May 22, 2005 Please. Read the book. It's not just about saving marriages! It teaches you how to have a successful relationship. Yes, these things should come naturally to us all but we're not all psychologist and I for one have always had a hard time "figuring my SO out..." Now that I have read this book, I understand completely what I have been doing wrong and am self confident and assured the next time I fall in love, I won't screw it up. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Yes, these things should come naturally to us all but we're not all psychologist and I for one have always had a hard Here I was thinking that if I became educated in psychology that it would help me out but doesn't look like it has done me too much good has it? LOL Ok but anyway --- the next time I fall in love, I won't screw it up. CIOC it really bothers me that you are blaming yourself so much. Saying "I" won't screw it up. "I" messed up 13 out of the 15 guidelines..etc etc. Do you think your ex read this book? Do you think she has great knowledge on how to get someone to stay in love wtih her? I seriously doubt it. But you fell in love with her didn't you? She didn't have all this grand knowledge under her belt I'm sure....and neither did my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Merin recommends the Book "You're okay but he's an a**h***" lol Merin, I tried amazoning that title... couldnt find it, but found "Since You're Leaving Anyway, Take Out the Trash" Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 22, 2005 Author Share Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX CIOC it really bothers me that you are blaming yourself so much. Saying "I" won't screw it up. "I" messed up 13 out of the 15 guidelines..etc etc. Go back and read the thread I titled "Love Must Be Tough" -- I failed 13 of the 15 guidelines. It's easy to see how I screwed things up. My ex took advantage of my kindness and she did not respect me. But it was my fault for not holding her accountable to my "line of respect." She would cross it and I would forgive her every time. How could she respect me if I didn't show her "Tough Love" and make her understand I wasn't going to accept being a door mat? She couldn't and I did nothing to give her a reason to. Do you think your ex read this book? Do you think she has great knowledge on how to get someone to stay in love wtih her? I seriously doubt it. But you fell in love with her didn't you? She didn't have all this grand knowledge under her belt I'm sure....and neither did my ex. No, and she has trouble with relationships too and has made the same mistakes I have. But she's learning and so am I. At another time in our lives, we'd probably have been perfect for each other (fast forward a year and I'd say we're both perfect for each other.) Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 COC- Did I recommend this book to you??? I've recommended it to a couple of people who have had spouses that left them. My BF had this book and read it during his separation from his EX wife. I read it and my exh did all the things that the book says NOT to do-almost action for action. Of course, I read it after he'd already done those things but it was strange how the book was right on target. I highly recommend it- it made alot of sense to me when I read it. Link to post Share on other sites
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