sandylee1 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I don't get it either. I mean if a guy wants dinner and flirting, go eat at hooters or twin peaks or something similar. I will add that if I were her BF, I wouldn't believe she didn't sleep with any of them, or at least did something physical or sexual for them. I guess I just have a hard time believing in non sexual escorts. The idea is for the person the guy is with to look like she's your date or GF. In hooters or a strip club, everyone will know the deal, that the girls are only flirting for tips. I can fully understand how the OPs or any other BF would see this. I wouldn't want my BF going to lunch with other women like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan_XD Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 The thing is, if I was your boyfriend not only would I be angry at the fact you're meeting men and going on dates with them behind my back. I'd be annoyed at the fact you felt like you couldn't (for whatever reason) tell me about what had happened in terms of lending the money to your Brother. You've given him more than one reason to question the relationship and question whether you actually care for him at all and for them reasons he will not be too keen on continuing with the relationship any time soon. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author agordon Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 Ok so again...I'm pretty sure he knows I didn't have sex with anyone else, and there was nothing at all sexual about the conversations. That is not the issue, and I'd you want to judge or debate whether or not I am a hooker then please leave because you have nothing helpful to say, you're just a troll...The issue is that I lied....I didn't trust him enough to tell him my issues and went even further to cover them up. The act itself was wrong but that's not the part that he's the most upset about. We both still have a lot of each others stuff, so we'll have to see each other at some point, but for now I don't know how long I should leave him alone? If you're advice is forever then I don't want to hear it. I've had to forgive a lot in our relationship, he's not perfect, but the work has always been worth it, and I just want the same from him. I'm not going to go deep into the deep rooted personal issues that contributed to this, and events in the past he doesn't know of ( no, not like me having sex with other men), and I want to finally tell him, and show him that I'm ready to really put forth everything, show him every insecurity, and every vulnerability, and be entirely honest and transparent with him. I took the easy way out for money and it was stupid but I want to show him that I'm willing to put in the work, in both our relationship and myself, to really make this work, the right way, even though it's hard and might take a long time. I know him, and he shuts down when he gets hurt. He acts fine and ignores the issue, and he's done it before, but he's always come back. I'm not going to wait forever for him to stop ignoring me, but I'm not going to move on until I feel in my heart that it's right. I'm working on being happy by myself, but this isn't something that's completely resolved either way. And if nothing else, I owe him the honesty of some of the trauma that I lied to him about, or cut short the stories of when he asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 So then what you are saying is if you don't say what i want to hear then don't post here. Is that right? You don't want people to be honest with you... Then please tell me...why did you post this thread in the first place? I was very honest with you and i treated you with kindness. what you have done is very wrong...you cannot build a relationship on lies and deceit....and i fear that this relationship is doomed. I know that is not what you want to hear....i am sorry..... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 but you gotta understand it takes time to heal. something most people are not willing wait nor risk. spamming txt,emails and calls. will only frustrate you! just wait for upfront conversation to apologize and clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 So then what you are saying is if you don't say what i want to hear then don't post here. Is that right? You don't want people to be honest with you... Then please tell me...why did you post this thread in the first place? I was very honest with you and i treated you with kindness. what you have done is very wrong...you cannot build a relationship on lies and deceit....and i fear that this relationship is doomed. I know that is not what you want to hear....i am sorry..... I totally agree with the second first lady. Discussions can't be only one sided. You asked, we responded. Whether you want to call yourself a prostitute or not is irrelavent. You were paid as an escort. It's fairly cut and dry in that regard. Sex or not, again, is only a matter of semantics. You went on dates with other guys for money. You sold yourself. In regard to your BF, I think you should contact him ASAP. The more he thinks on it the more it will strengthen his resolve. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you believe that he believes you did not have sex with anyone else, only you know that and him seeing the messages really does not prove anything. Most of these "Sugar Babies" sites do not allow soliciting sex I do not believe. What happened when you met them only you really know. This 20 minute thing is hard to believe someone would pay for. You would barely have time to walk in an say hello in that amount of time. So lets take your word for it and say he believes there was no sex involved. You hit it right on the head when you said you lied and were deceitful. In many affairs, the lying and betrayal of trust does more damage than the sex. The sad fact is that most of the young women who register on these sites do not consider it prostitution even if sex is involved for some unknown reason. They think that because they are not actually soliciting sex that what they are doing is totally legitimate. It is what it is. If your boyfriend was not believing you had sex then if you coujld afford it you could offer up a polygraph. But it sounds like the lying was the deal breaker. Like you have been told, you are young. Learn your lesson and do not rfepeat this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Yeah, he saw the website..it was a pay for dates thing. Like you literally just go meet them and they pay you. I wasn't trying to get back thousands that way, I only made a few hundred because I would NOT have had sex with anyone. I just needed quick money Did the poor suckers signing up to "date" you on the website know with 100% certainty sex was not part of the deal? Or is the idea that if one plays their (credit) cards right, it might escalate into something sexual down the road? This con isn't the innocent misadventure you seem to want to portray, it's one step above a trick roll. And I'd guess your involvement in this scam, sexual or not, is the main thing leading your BF to question the entire relationship with you. Not a pretty picture... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Men are willing to pay you to watch you eat? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Write him a letter and apologise for what you did. Explain the reasons and how you've learnt it is was very wrong of you. Something you'll never do again. That you fully regret it and didn't think properly, because if you did you'd have never done it. Ask if he can find it in his heart to forgive you. Express your love for him. Once you send it, leave him be. People have been forgiven for doing worse and I've read some awful betrayals that have been forgiven and reconciled on here and other places. Although when the couple are married, they may be prepared to fight harder for the relationship. Ultimately, you have to accept his decision if he doesn't want to get back with you. He's under no obligation to do so. You're young and made a poor choice, but use this experience to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I'm going to follow your logic for a moment. Please bear with me as I do mean it sincerely. I posit two scenarios. Read them both. First, there is this possibility: you did not cheat in the traditional sense. You sold intimacy. While not "prostitution" in your mind, it is a form of it. These men were looking for sex and intimacy. You also sold the possibility of sex. Now if you said to these guys, I do not and will not EVER have sex or any physical contact with you, I'm pretty sure you would not have made hundreds of dollars. Of course, we underestimate the number of needy lonely or challenge driven men out there. Surf some sites on prostitution reviews and you will be amazed. Some guys look for the non physical girl that they can get to cross the line. Its a HUGE thrill for them. I only suggest you surf the sites to see that I am telling the truth. I don't name the sites, because they don't merit promoting. Secondly, there is this reality: You lied and cheated and did it for money. You lied to him and lied to the men who were paying you. Why should he want anything to do with you? Sex is not the only deal breaker. It is the level of deception that you engaged in with him and the other guys. How can he possibly believe that you are being honest with him about your feelings for him? Your ability to turn it on and off for money is almost instinctive. That you were willing to sell a degree of intimacy to strangers is seriously disturbing. You were not like the women who use to sell dances back in the 40's and 50's. You sold intimacy. A person values intimacy with their loved one. For you to be able to market it so quickly, secretly, and easily is frightening to a large majority of men. If you can explain that part to him, you might have a chance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poofitsgone Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 How long have you two been separated? even ignoring the dating, the number one reason married couple break up is financial disagreements/problems. And this started from what seems relatively minor one. I think this relationship was doomed from the start (as I imagine most college ones are...) But I'm pretty sure he believes that I never slept with anyone. He read through all the messages and saw I didn't reply to anyone weird. I don't even touch handrails in public places so I'm pretty sure he knows I'm not going to risk sex with anyone else( and he hasn't gotten tested so I have a feeling he believes me). But the issue is that he won't talk to me AT ALL. Even if he and I don't get back together, I feel we need to talk because I am normally a really honest person, and I normally hold myself to really high moral standards. I have never been a liar until now, I've never stolen, and I would do anything to help anyone, and I just want him to see that I know what I need to change, and have already started working on it. Even though there was literally no physical contact, cheating is cheating on any level. If it's interaction with the opposite sex that you don't want your significant other to know about is cheating. And the worst is that I lied and betrayed him, and I didn't trust him but I know now that my insecurities were the real root of the problem. Reasons aren't excuses but it doesn't mean they don't matter... I doubt he believes that you didn't sleep with anyone. All he knows is that you "escorted" yourself(sorry, I'm not sure what the right word would be), and probably didn't even notice which messages you didn't respond to.I bet before this he would have bet his life savings you would never go on dates with men for money. You've shown him that everything he thought he knew about you was wrong. The letter is an idea, if only to help get your feelings out and unburden yourself. Give him the option to hear your side if he decides to, and move on. Don't expect him to bother reading it; if he reads it don't expect him to believe you; if he believes you, don't expect him to take you back. Accept that its over, and learn from this experience, and leave him alone from then on. It will hurt for a long time, but eventually you can find someone else that you will love just as much if not more. Learn why you were willing to do something so destructive and shortsighted for a couple hundred bucks, and deal with the issue so something like this doesn't happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poofitsgone Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Write him a letter and apologise for what you did. Explain the reasons and how you've learnt it is was very wrong of you. Something you'll never do again. That you fully regret it and didn't think properly, because if you did you'd have never done it. Ask if he can find it in his heart to forgive you. Express your love for him. Once you send it, leave him be. People have been forgiven for doing worse and I've read some awful betrayals that have been forgiven and reconciled on here and other places. Although when the couple are married, they may be prepared to fight harder for the relationship. Ultimately, you have to accept his decision if he doesn't want to get back with you. He's under no obligation to do so. You're young and made a poor choice, but use this experience to learn. I can't imagine him letting go in this case. People have been forgiven for doing worse, but thats usually after having a long history and commitment. These two were dating for a year. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I can't imagine him letting go in this case. People have been forgiven for doing worse, but thats usually after having a long history and commitment. These two were dating for a year. He has every right to not get back in the relationship, but if she wants to give it a try, she's got nothing to loose. She's already lost him. I agree that your history and level of commitment with a person plays a large part in your decision, although everyone looks at things differently and have different dealbreakers. People do a lot of things for money (stripping /dancing/chat lines) that they aren't proud of and I don't believe it makes them a bad person per se. Financial desperation can really make you do things that are against your own moral judgement. I do think that when /if a prospective partner or current partner becomes aware of this, they will most certainly have a view on the sort of person you are and as such, the relationship will never be the same again - so it's best to end it. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MIKEB1950 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 i can get with helping a bad brother out - we all do those things sometimes - but you had a ex crazy friend who sets up web sites for cheating - you maybe need to look at the company you keep for your own future. Ah the future - I doubt it will include your ex for you let him down and really badly let him down. However can you imagine he could ever trust you and could you live with keeping greater amounts of incidents from him because they will happen. No you stepped over a line and like someone said earlier because youth will be on your side - learn from this - chalk it up as a positive guide for future behavior - Good luck - and never mention this relationship again and keep off the ex or he may just be pushed to broadcast your failings further afield. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 If a guy has money in his hand ready to pay a woman and not have sex, he would go to a 'massage' parlor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 You realize you are/were a hooker, right? Ask yourself why any guy in his right mind would want to be with a hooker? See I know you think the fact you did it for money makes it not as bad...but it actually makes it 1,000 times worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) He has every right to not get back in the relationship, but if she wants to give it a try, she's got nothing to loose. She's already lost him.. You say she has nothing to lose. Here is the thing though: she doesn't matter, at all, period. What matters is the boyfriend, and if he doesn't want her she should LEAVE HIM ALONE. What she wants is totally irrelevant and has been ever since she prostituted herself to other men. Since yeah, I call bunk on her getting paid just to have "coffee" with other men. I'd say if she cared about him she would leave him alone, but it would be stupid right? Since if she cared she wouldn't of cheated in the first place. Just leave the poor guy alone and stop putting him through more sh*t. Allow him to find a nice girl who respects him. To the OP: I apologize if you feel people are judging you about the reality of your situation, but when you come saying you cheated, but only totally did it for money..I'm curious how you could expect to not be judged? Remember, you are *not* laying on a couch telling all this to a trusted therapist..you are on a public forum airing your dirty laundry. It truly is about time people here learned to recognize these distinctions. Edited November 3, 2015 by Spectre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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