Regretting letting her go

[carlnrtn]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum, and in dire need of some words of wisdom. I really don't know what to do. Forgive me for the essay.

 

Basically, I had this girlfriend. She was absolutely amazing. We'd known each other 3 years before we got together, we both wanted each other, but were both a bit unsure of ourselves. In the end, we got together. I think I fell in love with her before we even started seeing each other properly.

 

She was everything I could ever have wished for. She was funny, caring, loving, romantic. She left me silly little messages round the house, wrote on the bathroom tiles in whiteboard marker with silly pictures. All the cute stuff. I was so happy. But we went through a lot of hard times together. We were together 2 years. Seems we just couldn't catch a break. She ended up losing her job, and we only lived in a small town, so for 6 months I had to provide all the financial support while she found something else. I then ended up getting an injury at work and lost my job (during this phase I was a total mess, didn't know what I was going to do, I was so negative but she stood by me like a saint, gave me all the support and care she could, and more). It was at this point that I knew I wanted to marry this girl.

 

But all these rough times got on top of us. She managed to find another new job, a great opportunity with excellent training. And at the same time, I finally managed to get myself a new job which would set me up for life. Unfortunately my job meant me having to move, and she didn't want to pass up on her job. This caused arguments. Granted, she was a bit clingy, not very independant and I think she was terrified of having to support herself.

 

These things all mounted up. Anyway, I had to start training a new girl at work as she was going to be my replacement when I left. We kinda hit it off. And I did the most terrible thing, the most unforgiveable thing, and I slept with her. I had it in my head that I couldn't stand being with my girlfriend anymore and wanted something else.

 

I told my girlfriend, she was obviously devastated. But she said we can work through it and it'll be alright, she can work on forgiving me. I said no... I said I wanted to try things with this new girl. Too much had happened and I wanted out.

 

She had the support of a guy friend through the breakup, and no more than 2 months and they were in a relationship, which I was OK with at the time.

 

But another month or so down the line, and I started to realise how much I missed her. I started to resent my new girlfriend because she wasn't my old girlfriend. We argued (because I was expecting her to be a person she's not) and we eventually broke up. Fine...I know she wasn't right for me.

 

But now I am hurting more than I have ever hurt in my life. I'm living in this new town, with no friends. My ex was my best friend, I didn't have anyone else. I want her back so much, what we had was perfect. I shouldn't have thrown it away. Granted, we had some problems, but what with both of us starting new jobs we finally got the fresh start we needed after a bunch of difficult times. We were so right for each other, life just kinda threw a whole heap of crap at us and it ground us both down.

 

She didn't delete me on facebook, so I tried speaking to her, just general conversation, but she won't talk to me. She says after what happened she doesn't want to be friends. I've tried again, nothing. I sent her a long email telling her exactly how I feel, how I don't expect her forgiveness etc etc.

 

She seems happy with this new guy. I thought at first perhaps it was a rebound, but they are still together 6 months on. I just find it hard to accept because I KNOW just how devoted she was to me. How she wanted to be with me forever.

 

I miss her terribly, and I feel like I'm never going to find all the things she was in a person ever again. It's been 8 months since we split up, and I still think about her every day, and every day I wish I could go back and not walk away from her. I just don't know what to do. The one person who could give me proper guidance on this, the one person who I know would understand 100%, is her.

 

I've tried online dating, unsucessfully. I've tried asking a couple of girls out I've met. I'm trying to put myself out there, but the truth is, I don't really want to.

 

Even if she was just around as my friend, I would feel so much happier. Is there anything I can do??? I am a complete mess, it's really starting to affect my life now.

 

Sorry for the mad rambling. I want to get accross just how much this relationship meant (to both of us), but I don't think words will ever be able to describe it.

Edited October 18, 2015 by carlnrtn
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[Captivating]

Wow, what a story!! I wish she could read what you've posted. It is heart wrenching. You are very open about your feelings and it takes guts to own up to your mistake. It is hard to get dumped especially for someone else, after what she has done for you in the relationship. She doesn't want to get burned twice, and there are no guarantees that it won't happen again in the future. Do you really LOVE her ? Or this is a combination of ego struggle, jealousy or the void that needs to be filled after your new relationship failed. May I ask why did you opted for the other girl? Try to reach out again, meet her if you can. Maybe you guys will get together again in the future, but I hope you will find happiness regardless.

[NoMoreJerks]

It's over. Move on. She deserves better than to be thrown away like garbage, and then picked up again when you find out that YOU deserve her. It's incredibly selfish.

[dave_1966]

As above really, let it be a lesson to you in the future when you're thinking of treating someone like garbage. I can't think of any reason why she would want anything to do with you at all.

[No Limit]

You just want what you can't have. Move on and pray you won't take the next good girl for granted again.

[Rainbowlove]

Unfortunately for you, this is one of those painful life choices you're going to have to learn to accept and live with.

 

Don't contact her again. It will only make moving on from her harder for you.

 

I don't think now is the time for others to trash you for how you treated her. I think you get it.

 

Best thing for you is to work on healing and grieving losing her, not trying to replace her with another.

 

When it's time for you to meet someone else, you will.

 

Be kind to you and all others.

 

RL

[J21]

She seems happy with this new guy. I thought at first perhaps it was a rebound, but they are still together 6 months on. I just find it hard to accept because I KNOW just how devoted she was to me. How she wanted to be with me forever.

You have no choice but to accept it. She WAS devoted to you, but that's before you broke her heart. It's pretty much done man in all honesty.

 

8 months is a long time and she's gotten over you, especially more so since she has another guy in her life.

 

It sucks, and I hope you heal up, but there are mistakes you make only once and it's over. This was apparently one of them (cheating plus deliberating telling her you want something else with the original gf). If you truly loved her, you would have stuck with her, not try to see if the grass was greener on the other side and come back because you found out it wasn't.

 

I don't mean to put you down, and you're already feeling remorseful, but you really can't come back from what you did. Not to a healthy sane person anyway.

 

I wish you well in the future, but please don't contact her. She's shut you out of her life and moving forward, so you should respect that. IF she wants to contact you, she knows how, but for it's over as far as I can tell.