Jojoloveable2 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Me and my husband are what you would call a young couple. I'm 23 and he's 30. Before we married he was always attentive to my needs, cAring , emotional and loving. And I always did my best to be a good woman to him, cooked his meals , gave him sex on the regular, rub his back and try to be the loyal and supporting woman that supports her man. Now that we got married and have a baby on the way things changed, I know he is busy working to provide for our family etc but he has become more distant than ever. When he comes home from work all he does is talk on his phone the entire time I'm beside him and. Then he goes off to sleep. So we hardly even get a chance to talk much and it kills me inside because i feel we don't communicate anymore. To make things worse our sex life is almost none existent. I'm the one who always initiate sex and he rarely ever does. Sometimes I cry because I feel as if he's not attracted to me because I'm pregnant. I doubt he's cheating on me though but I think he may just have a low sex drive . I've tried many things to help the situation. I spoke to him on NUMEROUS occasions about my desires but he just laughs it off and doesn't pay me any mind. I'm at my wits end, communication is key so I figured to let him know what's bothering me but it seems like the more I talk it only falls on deaf ears. I feel like I'm suffering in a sexless relationship. I believe that once your married your spouse should provide all your sexual needs and you shouldn't ever have to look elsewhere for it. But at this point in my life I feel neglected and I wonder if it's best to cheat. I'm looking forward to hearing feedback about this it will really help. Thanks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 It is never best to cheat. You need to learn the effects of cheating. Do that by reading all the affair forums that you can find. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 What do you want feedback on? Cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Just to be clear: you are married and pregnant and are asking us if the best way for you to remedy feeling neglected is to cheat? Damn, I'm all kinds of depressed now. Feel sorry for the husband who is probably working hard to provide for this baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) oi! This could well be Prenatal Depression, Get yourself some help Now! ASAP! This maybe serious or may even be life threatening. before you hurt yourself Go to talk to your doctor! That sense your all alone and no one loves you could be hormonal imbalances occurring in you! This maybe causing your depression, this occurs in a lot of women. Go speak to a counselor! Also talk to your husband about it, have him speak to a counselor to. sometimes, pregnancy also affects the husband psychologically making them distant. Edited October 19, 2015 by m.snow Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Sure, go ahead and cheat. Being a single mom is awesome! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 you are pregnant and possibly in serious depression. its vital to talk about these issue's to your ob-gyn so she could refer you. after talking to doctor seek professional counseling. either individual or marriage counseling. M. Sometimes I cry because I feel as if he's not attracted to me because I'm pregnant. that there could well be signs of depression creeping in. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 But at this point in my life I feel neglected and I wonder if it's best to cheat. Only makes a bad situation worse. I believe that once your married your spouse should provide all your sexual needs Actually, it is both spouse's responsibility to work together and create a healthy emotional atmosphere where needs are met, sexual and otherwise. Sounds like you've clearly stated you needs. Have you asked your husband about his? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I'm sorry that you feel so neglected. It must be really unpleasant to have him ignoring you all evening. My guess is that you're not actually planning to cheat. Rather, you're clutching at straws about how to deal with a situation which isn't meeting your needs. First things first, have you spoken with your husband about how you're feeling? If so, what does he say? I also agree with Mr Lucky that it's not his job to meet all your sexual needs. It's up to both of you to keep your relationship good and meet all of each others needs. Sometimes, this involves compromise. Are you willing to compromise? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I'm going to presume this is a first child for you both? I get how you must feel, loss of intimacy whilst your body is changing. Been there, and the rejection can be unbearably lonely. Men for the most part, do not see this bodily change as a welcoming opportunity to exhibit a closer bond. Although some may be completely swept up in the bigger boobs or the aura emitted during this life change. Its a hit or miss. Some guys are even worried that sexual relations during pregnancy can harm the fetus. All these concepts need to be discussed in an open non judgment way. Hope as a newcomer here you can garner some positive feedback and support. i look forward to your contributions on the forums. you story may just help someone who is struggling as well. best to you for a healthy child and marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Cheating is bad & will make everything worse, not better. IC & MC will offer better solutions. Try them both Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 If you think your marriage is struggling now, cheating will simply drop a nuke on it. Then you'll be left trying to explain why you thought this would help your struggling marriage. Instead, you need to get tougher with your husband. You need to put your foot down that these issues are going to be addressed. And you need to be willing to stand by that insistence. Trust me, an ultimatum about addressing your needs is better than engaging in some fantasy affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Ugh. Just from a HEALTH standpoint, it's such a disgusting thing to do, putting your unborn child's health at risk just so you can go out and get laid by some creep who gets off on pregnant women. That's about as revolting as it gets - not even mentioning the marriage vow stuff and infidelity and all the rest. It's very possible you married one of those guys who simply aren't able to see you as a sexual being anymore once you become pregnant and/or the mother of their child. Kind of a Madonna/Whore complex thing. There are guys like that out there, but if you don't sit down and talk to him and get some HONEST answers from him, you're not going to accomplish anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue08 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I know how you feel. I got married at a young age also and had three handsome little boys. I did the cooking, cleaning, and the catering to him and the children for 8yrs. I cried, I begged, and I pleaded for attention, for something to look forward to even just a simple date night after I put the kids down. I was never heard and was told this was up to me to figure out. I talked to him told him one day I will not have enough care to try any more, and he did nothing. One day I just had it, I was sick of being his last priority and him my first. I sat down with him, told him i wanted an open marriage so we could still live together for our children but I could get my needs else where. ( I brought this up on several occasions) Obviously he did not agree that would be best for our marriage but yet he did nothing. I found some one anyways, I had an affair, left him, then went back because he wanted it to work and so did I a little bit. He tried like hell but I had nothing left, nothing left to care because I needed him to admit he was partial and he needed me to prove myself. Anyways, I left again we are divorced and I have not been with him for almost 2yrs. Not a day that goes by makes wonder what would have happened if I tried harder, although I am happy now I regret the affair it was not a responsible thing to do. My advice to you is don't let it get to the point where you don't care anymore, when you still have some care left and you can't get him to really hear you, go, go stay some where, with your mom, friend, family and give him time to think and then he might see it and try really hard for you. Cheating is not the answer it cause a great deal of guilt, and shame more than you can imagine. You are also going to end up being the "bad guy" and the reason why the relationship failed no matter what you say. Cheating is not the answer to fix a relationship, please don't let it get that far. I really do feel like I have been in your shoes, but I did not take the higher road. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan_XD Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Speak to your husband about it... Life's too short to mess up this fantastic opportunity at a family like you have. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 If you want sex why don't you just keep initiating it? People have different drives. It doesn't sound like he's rejecting you. Maybe that's what he likes. If you cheat on him you better expect to be a single mother when he finds out. He will find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jojoloveable2 Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks for all the responses! Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Thanks for all the responses! Jojo ...please I'm talking from experience ...take the reigns of the marriage and make this work ...there's this math acronym for dividing fractions and I'm going to use it here ...it's called KFC -Keep your vows close to your heart and do not be disloyal -Flip him out a little by freeing up some of yours and hubby's time and plan some romantic escapes for the 2 of you (cell phone goes into a basket out of the way and pop open some sparkling cider ...have some sexy time) -Change how you put yourself first to putting the marriage/family first Too many young people cheating these days ...be creative and make it happen for you and the marriage as your spouse is doing his best ...help him along Wish you the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 That is the best solution you can come up with? Wow....you should not be married. You said that he does not communicate but I bet that if you let him read your post or told him that you are looking to have an affair he would definitely communicate with you. You have a child on the way, grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Cheating won't solve your problem. You'll end up looking like a cheap woman who slept around while pregnant, risking your health and that of your unborn child. Get creative. Set up a dinner date for you both. Either something at home or go out. Get some nice lingerie and don't give the opportunity to get his phone out, set the scene and get him in the bedroom and work your magic. When he seesthe trouble you've gone through. .....He'll melt...if he doesn't....then I suggest a frank talk and perhaps marriage counselling. You will ALWAYS be seen as the bad one if you cheat. You'll have the shame, the guilt and do you want to explain to your child why his dad doesn't live with you, because you cheated before he was born. ************Always remember this*********** A parent who cheats, jeopardises the stability, safety and security of their child/children. Your actions in cheating absolutely have an effect on them. Nobody wants to see themself as a bad parent - but when you cheat - by virtue of the potential consequences, it has or can have a devastating and negative impact on your child/children. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 Yep and I just want to say: if you cheat do not expect this man to pay you a dime in child support. Rather, he should be given full custody of the child. Oh and I've seen someone say they don't think is really planning to cheat and is just grasping at straws. Eh..I can't agree with that. She took the time to not only create an account, but then to post. That is more then just grasping at straws. Even crazier is two people LIKED her post. Let that sink in: this woman talked about how she is pregnant and wants to bang other dudes and people LIKED it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 I'm going to presume this is a first child for you both? I get how you must feel, loss of intimacy whilst your body is changing. Been there, and the rejection can be unbearably lonely. Men for the most part, do not see this bodily change as a welcoming opportunity to exhibit a closer bond. Although some may be completely swept up in the bigger boobs or the aura emitted during this life change. Its a hit or miss. Some guys are even worried that sexual relations during pregnancy can harm the fetus. All these concepts need to be discussed in an open non judgment way. Hope as a newcomer here you can garner some positive feedback and support. i look forward to your contributions on the forums. you story may just help someone who is struggling as well. best to you for a healthy child and marriage. Very good point. I was married to a man who stopped looking at me as a sexual being and only saw me as this vessel carrying his beloved unborn child. I think the idea of having sex kind of freaked him out and eventually sex stopped altogether despite how horny I was thanks to my raging hormones Add to that the pressure he must have felt to provide for his growing family and it's not hard to see how men can feel overwhelmed too. I know what you're feeling and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep feeling ugly and fat and unattractive. I needed to be touched and desired despite my growing belly. It was especially hard since so many of my girlfriends had husbands who were the complete opposite of mine! They were constantly having to push them off It turns out that the moment I was cleared to have sex again after giving birth he was all over! Go figure. The moral of the story? You're pregnant and hormonal. Your body is changing dramatically and you might have a husband who, like mine, isn't exactly turned on by the prospect of having sex with the mother of his unborn child. That's not to say he doesn't love you or want you or the baby or that your sex life won't return to it's former glory but you need to put things into perspective and cut the poor guy some slack for right now. It's too soon to chuck it all away because you're not having your sexual needs met at this particular time. If this problem persists long after you've given birth THEN you can start to worry. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I am curious how he handled it when you told him his behavior was causing you to want to cheat on him whilst carrying his child. Was he upset? Link to post Share on other sites
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