I'm so petrified to the point I'm going mental

[CelzAJ]

My fiance's job involves working away. But it was usually, the most for a week or 2 at a time. In July we broke up but I kept calling him and trying to get back with him. Around the same time, he started working away for weeks at a time.

On the 21 August, we went to see a counselor and he said he still wants to be with me. He is a normally a very faithful guy, and I am the first girlfriend he had. He says his shifts are 14-16 hours a day of manual labor and he travels to different rural areas to blast foundation.

At the counselor, it was agreed that he was supposed to call me once a week and text me evenings and mornings, as he isn't allowed on his cellphone during work. It is now October, and since we got back together, he has only called me twice. His texts are in-affectionate and short and I had to ask him to speak to me lovingly. When I asked him why he talks to me like a colleague rather than a fiancee, he said he is really depressed with life and always angry because he hates his job and doesn't feel like being nice and that I wouldn't understand.

When I questioned him about calling me, he always says he doesn't have airtime. But his food, accommodation and diesel is paid for by his work. So apart from his bills, he doesn't need to pay for anything else.

He comes down once a week to draw explosives, but he arrives late at night around 9pm-10pm and leaves early in the morning. Therefore he says he can't see me, because by the time he gets cleaned up and drives to my house (we live about 20-30 min) away from each other, he says it will be too late and he needs his rest as he has to wake up at 5am the next day. Which I do know is true, because his work hours have always been like this.

 

I have only seen him twice since we got back together, and the last time I saw him, he didn't seem very concerned about me like how he used to. He was always so affectionate and loving and wanted to be by my side all the time.

Whenever I question him, he says he is over life, and never happy. I ask him as well if there is anyone else and he gets really angry now because he tells me that he keeps telling me that he doesn't even have time to chat to anyone and that he keeps telling me he doesn't even acknowledge any other girl, so how is he cheating on me. But it's really easy to fall out of love with someone you never see or speak to, and very easy to fall for a girl that's always around in your area.

He doesn't text and blames it on his work hours, he doesn't call, and blames that on him not earning much, but yet all his necessities are paid for and his bills don't add up to what he earns. I'm really scared he is having a fling or seeing someone else wherever he goes. I asked his mum and a mate of his and they said he isn't the type to be unfaithful.

This distance has caused us to fight so much, he is always angry and I'm always insecure. Why would someone who always made an effort to see you and be with you suddenly have excuses to call you and text you and not see you.

I'm really scared because I also have a history of dating a guy which no girl cared to date, and then suddenly when I date them, then the guy will leave me after a while and get a new girlfriend. Yet before I dated them, no girl even bothered about them. And my ex also left and went to work in Tanzania and later I found he was seeing other girls because he suddenly dumped me and accused me of being unfaithful because I had a Badoo account, and then within 1 week, he was in a relationship with another girl, and put it up on his Facebook.

My fiance tells me I'm insecure because of my past, but people that work away call and text. I used to always call and text him but now I just stopped, which is why we don't chat at all now. His profile pictures on his apps are still pictures of him and I, but I'm so confused and scared. All we do is fight, and swear each other now and he can go forever without having any contact with me at all. I really think he has someone else.

[d0nnivain]

You can't marry this guy.

 

 

He made promises to you after counseling & broke them.

 

 

The excuse of a 20 minute drive cutting into his sleep time preventing him from seeing you when he's back is ridiculous. A man truly in love would gladly show up at your house sweaty & dirty for the privilege of showing with you & spending the night together. To give up 1/2 hour of sleep for the drive back is a sacrifice worth making.

[Lois_Griffin]

So you broke up in July but kept badgering him to come back to you until he finally agreed?

 

He's CLEARLY showing you that he's just not invested anymore.

 

If you'd left him alone back in July after you broke up, I don't believe for a second he'd even be in contact with you right now. I think you guilted him into coming back and now he's just going through the motions because he doesn't know what else to do.

 

He's showing you how he feels. Believe him.

 

You just need to end this charade once and for all.

[Penguins]

I can understand that depression may be causing him to make these kinds of decisions regarding your relationship. But that is not sustainable. Can you have him talk to a counselor about his mental state? If he hates his job, can he get a new one? Sometimes we have to sit down and look back, look at the present and look where we want to go and make course corrections in our lives. This is an important decision making skill to have. Usually when things go wrong in a relationship it is because the participants got into a rut and did not realize the path they were on till it was too late. I am so sorry for your frustration. Fighting is not the answer, finding a solution is. Hugs!

[basil67]

Sweetie, if you have to badger someone into returning to you, then they shouldn't be with you. The situation you're in now is a direct result of him being with you because of pressure.

 

Leave this guy. And next time, don't settle for a guy who needs to be pushed to be with you. Find a guy who wants you without persusaion.

[hippychick3]

This makes me sad. You should never settle for a jerk like this. I think you should go to counseling on your own to work on self-esteem and self-confidence so you can swiftly ditch anyone who remotely treats you this way in the future.