amykatherine Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 Help i am due to get married june 26 and have caught my fiance looking at the adult friend finder sight, well he looks at it while i am out of town is this cause for worry? he says he is just looking at pictures and tries to delete the evedence so i do not find it. if it is not a worry why does he delete it . he says i have to learn to trust him and turns it on me and that i shouldnt be snooping but he does it to me and becouse he does not find anything it is ok????? what to do how do i know he is not hooking up with these people? HELP I do not want to put myself in a bad marriage . also we use to have sex alot he wanted it all the time now he does not want it so much and when we do it seems like i am always the initiator , he says he still finds me attractive but he works two jobs and is tired that i understand but when we met he worked two jobs and it did not stop him you think the new has worn off ? do i have a right to be suspisious or should i not check on him anymore and let it go , i need good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 An Adult Friend Finder? What kinda Friends is he lookin for? Uh.. regardless.. you're suppose to be getting married next month.. this is something that bothers you (and I can't say I blame ya) so with that said.. IMO because this is an issue for you and he isn't really looking for anything (he says) then he shouldn't be doing it... Hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 22, 2005 Share Posted May 22, 2005 ...is this cause for worry? Yes. Adult Friend Finders is a site specifically for those seeking IRL sex partners. ...he says i have to learn to trust him... His behavior does not warrant trust, so I say, you have to DISTRUST him based on the facts. ...he turns it on me and that i shouldnt be snooping but he does it to me and becouse he does not find anything it is ok????? No, it's not OK. Be aware that chronic cheaters typically are suspicious of their faithful partners. Why? Because...they can't believe anyone would actually be faithful! ...how do i know he is not hooking up with these people? You don't. He is likely either hooking up, or trying really hard and wishing that he could. HELP I do not want to put myself in a bad marriage. Very wise. I suggest that you call off the wedding. Call it a postponement if you want, but do not marry this man unless you want your marriage to resemble todays's situation, only worse. Marriage will only exacerbate this type of problem. For his type of man, once he has that security of knowing he has a nice, safe, wife locked down and not able to leave easily, he can really take the liberties he has been dreaming of and planning for - i.e. cheating. ...do i have a right to be suspicious? You have a right and duty to yourself to keep your eyes open. Once they are open, you cannot help seeing the reality. The hard part will be watching your dreams - for a happy life with this man - crumble. That's where NC comes in. If you tell him it's over, he will either start whining and begging, or he'll turn nasty and aggressive. Or maybe both. ...or should i not check on him anymore and let it go? That's a personal choice, and some people do close their eyes to a partner's cheating. It doesn't sound like you're comfortable with the thought that he is cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 There cannot be any reason to justify him being on that site. If he wants porn, go to a porn site...there is plenty out there. Your suspicions in my opinion are justified. Having to "Check on him" is a bandaid solution. If left unresolved, you will always harbour these suspicions...thus ultimately effecting your marriage. In regards to trust, my arguement would be that he has to learn to trust you since he keeps checking up on you. How long are you out of town and how often? What do you mean by "the new has worn off?" Link to post Share on other sites
tiredofbeingtheother Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 my ex hubby did same thing. and he was cheating. oh he would try to delete and hide stuff but i always found it, so be careful and prepare to hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Just a month before you're getting married he is looking for sex on another side? It sounds like he is ready to cheat on you. It would be a first-degree cheating, not a drunken one. He is not just looking at pictures, what did you expect he'd say? The truth? He is already lying to you and trying to hook up with women just for sex. Be sure that he will be doing that while married to you. If I were you, I would dump him right now. The original passion does fade out sooner or later, but it doesn't justify cheating at any point of the marriage. There are things that are more important than meaningless sex, such as: respect, love, loyalty, and preserving family peace. Those things don't seem to matter to your fiance at all. Do you plan on cheatting on him too? Link to post Share on other sites
jonnyfurious Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 From a males point of view I will shoot it to you straight. Your fiance is doing something wrong. Trust??? He tells you that you need to trust him, yet he hides things, sneaks around, and basically makes himself look guilty. I know plenty of people who will say things that he is sayiong to try and de-guilt themselves. Even if he is telling the truth he is flirting with danger and that kind of curiousity will only lead him astray. Find a better man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I went on that site to see what it was about. Maybe 1 out of 20 was a normal shot. The rest were ALL c*cks. Hard-ons. Weiners. Your dude is looking to score, and not with you. Run away, run away............... Link to post Share on other sites
pretyangel Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 I would not marry this person just yet! Something is going on here and this is serious! IMO I would have a talk about this. RED FLAG! YIELD! Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 marry this person YET? you shouldnt marry this person ever. you deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and love. please please please find someone who can, before your esteem and confidence is shot to pieces by this guy. get rid of him and save yourself a lifetime of grief, worry, unhappiness and lies. Link to post Share on other sites
chipoltlehalfbreed Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 yeah, I know it's hard to see something as bad and you want to hear whet you want to hear-but if you really want to know the real answer- step back and look at the situation from different eyes--- Like me, I have this bf who looks at porn and his ex's photo's all the time, all the while claiming to love me andtells me - to not ever leave him and that he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me, and all of that - then I found out he actually was still apart of dating websites ( not even good one- like we met on-a religous dating site) BUT dirty ones where you find anonymous sex partners- i don't think he's hooked up but it's driving me insane- I'm so insecure and I love him soo much--- what should I do?I want to give him the benefit of the doubt sound familiar? what's your first reaction- what advice can I ask from you to help me with my decision? well on the one hand I want to tell you it's ok, he loves you and he won't ever persue anything- but what's next? If you have no boundries, then you can't trust simply because you can't build it like that. Does he give you boundries? like hey- don't sleep with my friends...... the point I'm trying to make is yeah- sex is a problem for your man- it can be helped but right now- don't forget about yourself, does this make you happy-really?- you want love and respect and if you can't even get him to avoid looking for sex partners while you are in love and happy together- what about if you guys are unhappy? You want his love,but you really need trust and respect, isn't that the kind of husband you want? a wise man ( yes I said man!) told me men are like buses- if this one leaves or you leave it- a new one will come and take you to the place where you want to go..... it's all you- and only you have the choice to get up and off this bus....I know it's hard- moving buses can be hard to stop but be strong if that's what you want- You deserve to be happy all the time good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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