Toodaloo Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you guys think it's all about the content and messages, then why don't you offer to take over a friend's account and get them as many dates as possible by redoing their profile and writing their messages for them. Imajerk, if you took over my profile and I let you rewrite everything for me (keeping my core interests in line) and knowing nothing what I look like, pick which women to message, and write my messages for me, how well do you seriously think you could do? Convince me, and maybe I'll let you try. There is a problem with that. You are not Jerk and Jerk is not you. Yeah sure Jerk could write messages to women but at some point its you they have to get to know not him... Even your posting styles on here are completely different. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 There is a problem with that. You are not Jerk and Jerk is not you. Yeah sure Jerk could write messages to women but at some point its you they have to get to know not him... Even your posting styles on here are completely different. That was kind of my point at the beginning of being yourself. I am kind of curious to see what he can do though, if only for social experiment. Discussions are under way. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Imajerk, if you took over my profile and I let you rewrite everything for me (keeping my core interests in line) and knowing nothing what I look like, pick which women to message, and write my messages for me, how well do you seriously think you could do? Convince me, and maybe I'll let you try. Kind of an odd way to ask for a pretty big favor. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Kind of an odd way to ask for a pretty big favor. Not really. This whole message board has collectively spent thousands of hours roughly having one party tell another party that they could help them so much in OLD if they would only listen. So, if you had that knowledge and you thought you could help, spending a half-hour looking over somebody's profile and helping them is nada in comparison. But really, I want to see what he can do. I'll be your huckleberry. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Not really. This whole message board has collectively spent thousands of hours roughly having one party tell another party that they could help them so much in OLD if they would only listen. So, if you had that knowledge and you thought you could help, spending a half-hour looking over somebody's profile and helping them is nada in comparison. But really, I want to see what he can do. I'll be your huckleberry. Well, if someone wants to take you up on that project, gl. Though I wouldn't see it as being only a half hour's work. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Humor like being boring is highly subjective Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Kind of an odd way to ask for a pretty big favor. I am also thinking how can he get maximum benefit with out pictures... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Well, if someone wants to take you up on that project, gl. Though I wouldn't see it as being only a half hour's work. To be perfectly honest with you, if I thought I could help some of the guys on here get women they were attracted to, I would spend HOURS doing it for them for free. Just think about how much you could help them change their life. It's also obvious that I cannot help them do that. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 As a reminder, postings are to focus on content, here first e-mails that get responses. Keep those ideas coming. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I wrote this thread for [readers] who say their emails never get responses. These are some of the emails that I sent that have gotten good responses. 1. In response to a girl who sent that she likes to drive w the windows down and the radio up. Tell you what...when we drive with the windows down and the radio up, I will let you pick the station, but I trust that you have good taste in music! If you like Justin Bieber it just won't work between us. [laughs] Cheers, IMJ 2. The woman had a picture of her on FedEx field. That picture of you at FedEx field.....yes you have an amazing smile, but I am wondering....who is that creeper girl photobombing you in the background? Was your photographer hot? [laughs] So what brought you to Rome by yourself last year? Jerk 3. This in response to a brief profile. I kinda like how you give the Guy Version write-up of your profile--short and right to the point. [laughs] What was the story of that picture taken of you jumping on skis? It is a nice shot... IMJ17 Moral to the story: See how what I am doing is different from the typical "nice" emails guys on here send? Be fun not serious. Also, keep the first emails brief. Try to find the humor in what they are writing. If they say or do something particularly noteworthy, point it out. There are exceptions to every rule when it comes to dating, but this style of writing first emails has served me well. IMA, these are good! I love the one about windows down. I likely would have scolded you for not being a Bieliber!! To be fair I have responded to similar mails from guys who didn't have a picture up in the past. Light humour is the best thing to lead with always. Keep it light therefore it cannot be deemed as a dig nor sarcastic (OK, you 'may' have lost out with a Bieber fan..but..I kinda get a feeling you wouldn't want to date one anyway..Lol!) and adding emotions or actually make it much much clearer by just using an 'Lol!' helps. Many men seem to forget the 'lol' part...or maybe it's just me and they actually meant to be mean... Ha! : Plus they were all short and sweet. Long, properly written mails that almost look like a letter turn me right off (and my friends all say the same). You feel obligated to reply and there's usually several questions in there which means it takes time to sit and 'write' a reply rather than a few short sentences. I am not surprised these worked for you. The overwhelming majority of first messages that I have received on OLD are not at all like these in any way though. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 No they are not. They are to get the woman to engage in conversation so he can show his masculine side etc... You can show it from the very beginning though. Those messages are pretty much just stroking her ego, so while she may reply it's more out of obligation than attraction. You stroked my ego so I'll stroke yours in return by replying. A crappy foundation to build off of if you're actually trying to build attraction and not just find some female email friends. I don't think you can really offer a cookie cutter example that would work well with all women. In general finding something she might be interested in talking about but still being masculine and showing her your own personality should do the trick, if she ends up being the right girl for you. You don't have to base it right off her profile. Lead and deduce an interesting topic from what she says. Don't just take something she says and ask questions about it. That's letting her lead. I guess since I have a girlfriend I love I can't offer advice beyond that, since I haven't thought about approaching a woman in a long time but when I did my OLD stint a long time ago I'd say my reply rate was above 75% and I could have gotten most of the women I messaged to date me in real life if I wanted to. Which those messages won't do for you. So I know what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 (edited) Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, but hasn't served me well. *shrug* Believe me,I've done my share of pointing out what's in their pictures, their hobbies, humor in regards to whatever was in their photo, etc. Results were mostly the same, none. Don't get me wrong, I'd get the very occasional impressed lady who actually responded with compliments of how so eloquently I put my initial email to her. But I would say that would probably happen 2 times a year. lol. But I have to go with the others, let's say if you're not a certain height requirement for the woman's desires, you're out of the running and whatever you type...is moot..to her. Same here. I'm hardly a bad communicator. What no one seems to want to talk about here is the idea that a good number of women online are simply garbage at communication. The onus is somehow 100% on the guy, and seemingly nothing they put into a conversation could possibly be flawed. Edited October 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Long, properly written mails that almost look like a letter turn me right off (and my friends all say the same). You feel obligated to reply and there's usually several questions in there which means it takes time to sit and 'write' a reply rather than a few short sentences. Wow, write too little with, "Hey" or "Hi", it's a turn off, write too much, it's a turn off. Can't win for losing. lol. In a sense, it's a rather good of a weeding out process for those who aren't willing to take the time to reply. But I'm sure, that having a well thought out email is the lesser of the two "evils" I would think. Though, this is a good way to weed out those that lack an attention span as well. That they may even lack engagement or don't appreciate intelligence or...rather, find intelligent people intimidating to the point where they won't reply perhaps? (Just a speculation on that last one.) This means you're not willing to put in some kind of investment in replying back. Well, this rather revealing of the readers character if they choose not to reply. I would even think it demonstrates some level of laziness even. To say this is a turn off means the person I'm contacting likely lacks substance. I mean, if they don't appreciate an email of substance, it means that she lacks substance as well, yes? At least the kind of substance I seek. On rare occasions, for those that do reply, they reply complimenting me on my email of substance to the point where I've gotten a date. Though it's only a couple times a year, hey it's at least something right? Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I've tried serious and funny neither has worked..I guess nothing makes up for an unattractive face.. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 when I did my OLD stint a long time ago I'd say my reply rate was above 75% and I could have gotten most of the women I messaged to date me in real life if I wanted to. Which those messages won't do for you. So I know what I'm talking about. So show these guys some examples so you can help them then... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) In my case I respond unless the message is one of the following: 1. Looks like a form letter/message 2. Is something like 'Hi" or 'How are you' or 'What's up' 3. Doesn't look like they read my profile 4. I see any red flags in the profile. 5. Gives me something to respond to such as asking a question. 6. Is blatantly sexual If you write me a novel I feel I must respond with a novel and you usually go to the bottom of the pile to respond to unless something about your profile really meshed with me. I often log online for only 5-10 minutes here and there so if it takes an hour to respond it will slow your response by a few days potentially. I find OLD very difficult because I look for character/values when dating. I am very open to the package as long as I am attracted to a guy. I can't tell that in pictures because a classically good looking guy might have a personality that rubs me the wrong way. A less attractive guy might make me feel comfortable and might have crazy chemistry with. So I have to wade through a bunch of guys to figure out which are the ones are the best prospects to spend my limited free time with. I try to get off messages quickly and do a 15-30 minute phone call which helps me screen a lot. Edited October 21, 2015 by Miss Peach Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Same here. I'm hardly a bad communicator. What no one seems to want to talk about here is the idea that a good number of women online are simply garbage at communication. The onus is somehow 100% on the guy, and seemingly nothing they put into a conversation could possibly be flawed. ??? :confused: Wha?? I'm a woman and I haven't tried OLD but I have looked at it alot (my bf met her husband online and went on ALOT of dates prior to meeting him!!) and I def would be relieved to see emails like the OP posted!! I would feel like he was somebody I would enjoy spending some time with . I don't see how this is related to "women are garbage at communication" or "onus 100% on the guy." If you are on OLD and you WANT to find a partner or dates or whatever the onus is on you yourself to do everything you can to be successful at it - or else be fine with failing at it, whether yo are m or f!! If you're a guy encountering women who are "garbage at communication" or whatever then nobody says you have to deal with them at all!! Just put yourself out there in the best possible light and see who you attract that is what it's all about !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) ??? :confused: Wha?? I'm a woman and I haven't tried OLD but I have looked at it alot (my bf met her husband online and went on ALOT of dates prior to meeting him!!) and I def would be relieved to see emails like the OP posted!! I would feel like he was somebody I would enjoy spending some time with . I don't see how this is related to "women are garbage at communication" or "onus 100% on the guy." If you are on OLD and you WANT to find a partner or dates or whatever the onus is on you yourself to do everything you can to be successful at it - or else be fine with failing at it, whether yo are m or f!! If you're a guy encountering women who are "garbage at communication" or whatever then nobody says you have to deal with them at all!! Just put yourself out there in the best possible light and see who you attract that is what it's all about !! Well, you often don’t know until you start talking to them if they're simpletons or they're not (women's profiles are 90% garbage as well), so while sometimes you can tell by how they write in their respective profiles, most often not. If I knew ahead of time that a woman was entertained by the OP's sixth grade writing level schlock, I'd not bother. As for the onus on the guy, read a few more of the threads on this topic. The idea of women making effort at communication online is almost non existent. It's like Internet gospel that men have to have "game". Women do make an effort (heck, the only women I've gone out with from online dating messaged me first) very occasionally, but by-and-large, laziness and awkwardness abound. Edited October 21, 2015 by impatiently_patient Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 What I generally did with OLD that found positive results was, one, read a lot of profiles and be very selective in whom I contacted, mostly based on profile content. Then, focus in on one aspect of the profile which caught my attention and post a contact response, generally brief, regarding that aspect. If that response was couched in humor, it was. If as a question, that. If more serious, that. It all depended on how I felt at the time. Looking back, the vast majority of such contacts resulted in first meetings, not to be confused with dating. In OLD I always considered the first meeting 'the approach'. If there was no mutual attraction, there wasn't. If there was, dating proceeded. I tried the same approach after my exW and I split up and it worked the same. Three contacts, two first meetings, one lady I dated for three weeks and another for a month or so. I then lost interest in the whole process and went my own way, away from dating. To me, what the OP posted is pretty normal stuff. It wasn't a strategy for me, rather a natural extension of how I approached women in real life, finding areas of common ground to communicate with them. Worked OK. The main difference was the OLD ladies I met were all unmarried and most of the women I met in real life were married. Hence, OLD was more efficient.. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 What I like about these emails is that they are simply friendly and normal. The sender seems sane and a decent conversationalist. You don't read these and get the feeling that he's desperate, or trying to be funny, or trying sell himself. It follows that natural pattern of conversation: I make a light comment, I ask a question, and now I give space for you to respond. I don't go on and on in monologue form. It's just enough: not too little, and not too much. Great job, OP! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 If I knew ahead of time that a woman was entertained by the OP's sixth grade writing level schlock, I'd not bother. Those are conversation starters, not stand up comedy. Most women enjoy engaging and light-hearted conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 . It's just enough: not too little, and not too much. Great job, OP! Which is why hitting on women is such a pain in the ass.. Every word psychoanalyzed..the length, the humor, the some of this but not too much but just enough blah blah blah Men are so much easier to please Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Which is why hitting on women is such a pain in the ass.. Every word psychoanalyzed..the length, the humor, the some of this but not too much but just enough blah blah blah Men are so much easier to please Think of it as a conversation and it'll make more sense. If your buddy walked up to you at work and started a conversation and all you said was "Hey"....the conversation wouldn't flow. If your buddy walked up to you at work and started a conversation and you launched in to a thesis.....the conversation wouldn't flow. If he started a conversation and you added a comment and threw a question back at him.....NOW we have a conversation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Think of it as a conversation and it'll make more sense. If your buddy walked up to you at work and started a conversation and all you said was "Hey"....the conversation wouldn't flow. If your buddy walked up to you at work and started a conversation and you launched in to a thesis.....the conversation wouldn't flow. If he started a conversation and you added a comment and threw a question back at him.....NOW we have a conversation I've tried that it hasn't worked.. My face is probably why they don't answer back.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Nah, I'm no Cary Grant but still did OK. I recall one of the ladies I dated, upon hugging me when we first met, thanked me for 'looking like your pictures'. Well, who did you expect me to look like? Heh, ice breaker? Link to post Share on other sites
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