AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) "Got another quickmatch like on ok Cupid but I don't know what to say..I never get messages back on these things. Maybe I'll show somebody here her profile and they can tell me a decent icebreaker or something to finally get a response back lol Edited October 21, 2015 by AD1980 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Those are conversation starters, not stand up comedy. Most women enjoy engaging and light-hearted conversation. I conquer xxoo. Now would I want it to morph into a little more depth? Certainly! But I like playful banter and light flirting. I like your openers OP I can add some goods ones I've received as well when I'm at a computer. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I conquer xxoo. Now would I want it to morph into a little more depth? Certainly! But I like playful banter and light flirting. I like your openers OP I can add some goods ones I've received as well when I'm at a computer. Just a typo, but I think you meant concur I was trying to understand why you were conquering me??? And I concur! Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 So no suggestions? I guess I'll try some stupid ice breaker again lol Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 So no suggestions? I guess I'll try some stupid ice breaker again lol The OP's comments were related to something in her profile's picture or text. Is there anything of interest about her pictures or text? If so, what? Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 What I generally did with OLD that found positive results was, one, read a lot of profiles and be very selective in whom I contacted, mostly based on profile content. Then, focus in on one aspect of the profile which caught my attention and post a contact response, generally brief, regarding that aspect. If that response was couched in humor, it was. If as a question, that. If more serious, that. It all depended on how I felt at the time. Looking back, the vast majority of such contacts resulted in first meetings, not to be confused with dating. In OLD I always considered the first meeting 'the approach'. If there was no mutual attraction, there wasn't. If there was, dating proceeded. I tried the same approach after my exW and I split up and it worked the same. Three contacts, two first meetings, one lady I dated for three weeks and another for a month or so. I then lost interest in the whole process and went my own way, away from dating. To me, what the OP posted is pretty normal stuff. It wasn't a strategy for me, rather a natural extension of how I approached women in real life, finding areas of common ground to communicate with them. Worked OK. The main difference was the OLD ladies I met were all unmarried and most of the women I met in real life were married. Hence, OLD was more efficient.. As usual, I appreciate your neutrality. I generally agree with Jerk's advice. And I think his comments are funny. Not MY sense of humor per se, but funny. However, everybody as usual is running the train off the rails. What they are implying is that if you were to write emails in the style of Jerk that you would experience a very significant improvement in response. And certainly if Jerk were to rewrite your profile and write your messages for you, you would experience a renaissance. That's not reality. The 'struggling guys' here read that and it sounds like a magic bullet that they've missed all these years and call BS. I contend that the REAL advice should go something like this... "One thing you guys might want to try is being a little lighter, a little more playful, a little less serious. It might help. I won't guarantee it will improve your response rate at all. There are so many factors that go into attraction, but hey, why not try something new? It can't hurt. Women generally like non-serious. And if you are too serious, you might scare her off. So, use your OWN sense of humor and see if you can make her laugh." If the 'struggling guys' here read something like that, it doesn't accuse them of being boring losers with zero social skills while another guy who gets women is smooth and all the women want him. That is GOOD advice in my opinion. Just ... my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The OP's comments were related to something in her profile's picture or text. Is there anything of interest about her pictures or text? If so, what? One is a lot older then me 52 I'm 35 and is into working out and weight training one has a short brief description she's Egyptian Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 One is a lot older then me 52 I'm 35 and is into working out and weight training one has a short brief description she's Egyptian DON'T mention her age. These are two women? A little more...find a small detail. Egyptian works but you need one more detail to work with. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 DON'T mention her age. These are two women? A little more...find a small detail. Egyptian works but you need one more detail to work with. Yeah two women..not much detail the older one likes to swim surf and work out the other one doesn't have much in her profile Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Just a typo, but I think you meant concur I was trying to understand why you were conquering me??? And I concur! Lol xo ...I made another bad typo on another thread a few minutes ago ...eating lunch and typing in the car ...hard to see the screen ...not as good at multi tasking as I thought ... Multi tasking actually came out as "mojito taking" till I corvetted ...oops corrected it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Ok here's a playful one that I responded to My occupation for a few weeks was listed as "flip flop tester" as I was at the beach and feeling silly. One guy messages me "hey FF tester ...really like your occupation ...I'm a sunscreen tester ...want to meet up sometime and discuss..." I can't remember what else he said but it made me giggle, I responded with something silly and we did talk online but didn't meet ...I met someone else and stopped talking to others. I like silly intelligent humor as an opener as well as a well written intro that mentions something in my profile. A few lines is fine ...too many and it feels like a cut and paste job or stalkerish. Edited October 21, 2015 by StBreton 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Welp I tried to be playful and funny in the messages I just sent and no responses and they're currently both online..I give up with women..in just a failure in this part of life Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) One thing you guys might want to try is being a little lighter, a little more playful, a little less serious. It might help. I won't guarantee it will improve your response rate at all. There are so many factors that go into attraction, but hey, why not try something new? It can't hurt. Women generally like non-serious. And if you are too serious, you might scare her off. So, use your OWN sense of humor and see if you can make her laugh. We call B.S. because it is B.S. I've written plenty of similar messages (granted, sans the overt placating, and with actual humor not requiring footnote) and gotten abysmal results over years of online dating. I'll give the suggestions credit where credit is due: They are nicely concise and (mostly) topical. Things I always adhere to out the gate. Fact of the matter is, being interesting and having wit/articulation in convo are way down the list of what's important to women. Humor might be great, but almost impossible to deploy though the written word if it's anything other than styles I tend to find annoying and sophomoric. Women generally don't have a dream list of comedians that turn them on because of how funny they are. This schtick looks pretty transparent to my eyes, some of you ladies disagree. It's like when politicians and car salesman open their mouths, it makes my skin crawl. But then, it works because enough people buy into it I suppose. I'm not interested in any women on that level, however, so I keep it the genuine article, be it interests, humor, whathaveyou. Edited October 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 We call B.S. because it is B.S. I've written plenty of messages similar to Jerkwad's (granted, sans the overt placating, and with actual humor not requiring footnote) and gotten abysmal results over years of online dating. I'll give the suggestions credit where credit is due: They are nicely concise and (mostly) topical. Things I always adhere to out the gate. Fact of the matter is, being interesting and having wit/articulation in convo are way down the list of what's important to women. Humor might be great, but almost impossible to deploy though the written word if it's anything other than styles I tend to find annoying and sophomoric. Women generally don't have a dream list of comedians that turn them on because of how funny they are. This schtick looks pretty transparent to my eyes, some of you ladies disagree. It's like when politicians and car salesman open their mouths, it makes my skin crawl. But then, it works because enough people buy into it I suppose. I'm not interested in any women on that level, however, so I keep it the genuine article, be it interests, humor, whathaveyou. Conversation is pretty far up the list, actually. Of course it's obvious that his interest is a date, not knowing if she's a Belieber or if the photographer of her photo was hot. Um, duh, it's a dating website! But can he strike up an interesting conversation? Yes, he can. And he didn't state that in his profile; he demonstrated it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Ok here's a playful one that I responded to My occupation for a few weeks was listed as "flip flop tester" as I was at the beach and feeling silly. One guy messages me "hey FF tester ...really like your occupation ...I'm a sunscreen tester ...want to meet up sometime and discuss..." I can't remember what else he said but it made me giggle, I responded with something silly and we did talk online but didn't meet ...I met someone else and stopped talking to others. I like silly intelligent humor as an opener as well as a well written intro that mentions something in my profile. A few lines is fine ...too many and it feels like a cut and paste job or stalkerish. Well, that dude's response was solid because it was playful, topical, and brought to mind a somewhat sexy image without veering into creepy. I never did OLD but if it's at least partially based on writing clever little messages straddling the line between provocative and playful, I think I'd enjoy that. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Conversation is pretty far up the list, actually. Of course it's obvious that his interest is a date, not knowing if she's a Belieber or if the photographer of her photo was hot. Um, duh, it's a dating website! But can he strike up an interesting conversation? Yes, he can. And he didn't state that in his profile; he demonstrated it. So can I, what's your point? Let's put it this way: I had an associate once say, "If a woman isn't interested in you, there isn't much you can say to get her interested, and if a woman is interested, there won't be much you can say to change that either. In my 38 years on this Earth, I've found that pretty overwhelmingly true. Leave the "game" to the Pokémon kids. Edited October 21, 2015 by impatiently_patient 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 So can I, what's your point? My point is that his emails were nothing to "see through". He's not trying to trick them into a conversation and then....BOOM! date! He's genuinely striking up an interesting conversation, and effectively at that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 My point is that his emails were nothing to "see through". He's not trying to trick them into a conversation and then....BOOM! date! He's genuinely striking up an interesting conversation, and effectively at that. Nah, she's far more likely talking to him because he's attractive to her. There's nothing magic woven in his prose. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Nah, she's far more likely talking to him because he's attractive to her. There's nothing magic woven in his prose. Yes, his personality is attractive. It makes a difference, in addition to pictures. In my case, it makes a HUGE difference (more attractive than looks). 6 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 My point is that his emails were nothing to "see through". He's not trying to trick them into a conversation and then....BOOM! date! He's genuinely striking up an interesting conversation, and effectively at that. Badda bing xo! I have had belly laugh back and forth messages with guys ...and it all started with playful banter based on elements in the profiles ...and engaging from that point into general banter. It's a "tell" for me ...if a guy doesn't initiate and engage with me in messages ...I don't pursue further. I'm not looking for a comedian ...but I appreciate wit and a modicum of engaging convo Looks are secondary to the above btw 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Nah, she's far more likely talking to him because he's attractive to her. There's nothing magic woven in his prose. I'm a living breathing typing example of the above not being true But there must be some type of attraction and not repulsion 1 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Yes, his personality is attractive. It makes a difference, in addition to pictures. In my case, it makes a HUGE difference (more attractive than looks). Good for you and him. Send me a wedding invitation. Fact is, I'm hideous subhuman trash to 99.9995% of women online, so despite being as articulate as him (and more genuine to boot), I get ignored utterly. There's no making up with personalty. Complete rubbish concept. The real path to winning a date online is figuring out who would think you are attractive back instead of wasting your time trying to be a witty wordsmith to scores of women who haven't got time to click on an email sent by some fugly reject. If you find that girl, pretty much any non-offensive opener will be fine. The other option is to wait around for women to make contact with you. It's the ONLY way I've gotten dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 So show these guys some examples so you can help them then... One that I remember is back during the ebola scare we had a suspected case in a suburb of Boston, and I was reading a profile of a woman who lived there. So I shot her a quick message talking about how for our first date we should do an ebola tour and check out the Pharmacy she (the suspected case) was carted out of, since I'd never seen a pharmacy that might be infected with ebola before. It was a great message on many levels, it was fun, showed I was the kind of guy that could plan a date, that I wasn't a pussy, I honed in on a topic I knew she'd be interested in talking about without her telling me what it was (I'm sure everyone in that town was talking about it) and it showed off a bit of my aggressive, wise ass personality. And I'm sure it was something she never heard before. All wrapped into one little line. And it worked. There are some women who would have looked at that with a blank stare and not known how to reply but at the end of the day as a guy you don't actually want every woman to reply. Just the right one, the one that knows how to handle you and that you have chemistry with. If you send some bland garbage, hide your personality to avoid the risk of offending, or just don't have any kind of personality at all then you're just wasting your own and everyone elses time. You'll realize that when she ends up deciding to flake on your first date after all that communication because someone who's actually interesting came along and she's off to see him instead. On a sidenote, one last thing I can't stress strongly enough is the importance of being unique in some way. Part of the reason I had such a high success rate is not because I was compatible with so many women but because I would say stuff and have attitudes they hadn't experienced before. And that generally gets a woman at least interested in talking with you. That's all I have for you guys. If you want to add your DNA to the gene pool you're going to have to figure it out from there and earn it yourselves. Already way more than I had to start out with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 But there must be some type of attraction and not repulsion Try being witty and repulsive for a week, then get back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) We call B.S. because it is B.S. I've written plenty of similar messages (granted, sans the overt placating, and with actual humor not requiring footnote) and gotten abysmal results over years of online dating. I'll give the suggestions credit where credit is due: They are nicely concise and (mostly) topical. Things I always adhere to out the gate. Fact of the matter is, being interesting and having wit/articulation in convo are way down the list of what's important to women. Humor might be great, but almost impossible to deploy though the written word if it's anything other than styles I tend to find annoying and sophomoric. Women generally don't have a dream list of comedians that turn them on because of how funny they are. This schtick looks pretty transparent to my eyes, some of you ladies disagree. It's like when politicians and car salesman open their mouths, it makes my skin crawl. But then, it works because enough people buy into it I suppose. I'm not interested in any women on that level, however, so I keep it the genuine article, be it interests, humor, whathaveyou. The posting here can be one sided and tunnel visioned. And just to prove I have broken away from that or am trying to I think you were kind of jackass for telling Jerk he wasn't funny. I can tell you are a funny guy. More of the raw Dave Attell sort of humor? The kind that I would be cracking up with over a shot of whiskey. I would say most women don't appreciate that sense of humor as much, but I digress. I mean Jerk's sentences were nice, nothing too crazy or different from the stuff I've written. And yea, I don't get too many responses. But to be fair, guys like you and I are overly pessimistic and that fuels the fire. I have gotten some responses and I'm not a virgin. I think just be yourself. I mean if somebody wants to rewrite my profile and write my messages for me, and I'll see where that leads me, why not? Nothing to lose, ya know. But even then, I'm riding his/her humor and where will that get me when we meet? But hang on to your sense of humor. You seem really funny and I can tell there's no way it doesn't come through in your messages. Edited October 21, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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