OLD: First emails that get responses

[xxoo]

Try being witty and repulsive for a week, then get back to me.

 

Most people are not gorgeous or repulsive. Most are pretty average.

 

Personality varies a whole lot more than physical attractiveness. Personality is what makes people "click". So one average guy sends "Hi", another sends an entire monologue, another sends a dic pic, and the last guy sends a lighthearted, witty comment and a question that advances the conversation.

 

Which average looking guy is more likely to get a response?

[StBreton]

Try being witty and repulsive for a week, then get back to me.

 

YOU are not repulsive!! I actually said you look handsome in your pic ...if that's you. You're funny smart and engaging ...with a smiggen of bitter ...just sayin

[StBreton]

Ok I'm going to throw this out there ...I went on 4 dates with a guy I met off a site last week ...our first time meeting last week but we have great chemistry

 

He's 50 ...smart attractive to me and engaging to me. He messaged me because I favorited him as my profile is hidden with no pix but he took a chance ...I'm just thinking about dating again but liked his profile. Anyway ...I'll go and ck his message to me but it was nice with a bit of humor ...and report back.

 

The issue with him is his divorce isn't final and I'm on the fence about getting involved too much. Also ...I was his first date in ~25 yrs !

 

I told him to go date and have a great time. So he just now texted me to check in ...I asked him jokingly if he'd gone on 20 dates yet so we can get on with things (I used a flirty euphemism I won't divulge here lol)

 

Anyway ...he's got 2 dates this weekend!!! He's been on the dating site for 3 weeks ...not bad.

 

What's this guy doing that works?

[StBreton]

Ok here goes

 

 

Hi flip-flop tester

 

I like your profile. Very clever and insightful.

 

I'm new to the dating scene and have no idea what I'm doing yet :-)

 

It sounds like we're looking for the same things in a partner and I'd be interested in learning more about you

 

His name

 

We went back and forth with messages ...lasted a few days ...with me not divulging my name ...ya I'm kind of ambivalent about dating right now. He started teasing me with various names that started with my first initial ...very funny. I came up with a funny one and that's now what he calls me. We have inside jokes already! We met for a date 3 days after we first communicated. He called every day and asked me out for the next night. We kept it light ...talked and laughed a lot ...kissed a few times too

 

Easy peasy lemon squeezy guys!

[Keats]

Your emails are definitely not an introduction.

 

It's like your starting mid conversation - skipping the intro, because thw cpnvo was started by their profiles.

 

Smooth

 

I wrote this thread for [readers] who say their emails never get responses. These are some of the emails that I sent that have gotten good responses.

 

1. In response to a girl who sent that she likes to drive w the windows down and the radio up.

 

Tell you what...when we drive with the windows down and the radio up, I will let you pick the station, but I trust that you have good taste in music! If you like Justin Bieber it just won't work between us. [laughs]

 

Cheers,

IMJ

 

 

2. The woman had a picture of her on FedEx field.

 

That picture of you at FedEx field.....yes you have an amazing smile, but I am wondering....who is that creeper girl photobombing you in the background? Was your photographer hot? [laughs]

 

So what brought you to Rome by yourself last year?

 

Jerk

 

 

3. This in response to a brief profile.

 

I kinda like how you give the Guy Version write-up of your profile--short and right to the point. [laughs]

 

What was the story of that picture taken of you jumping on skis? It is a nice shot...

 

IMJ17

 

 

Moral to the story: See how what I am doing is different from the typical "nice" emails guys on here send? Be fun not serious. Also, keep the first emails brief. Try to find the humor in what they are writing. If they say or do something particularly noteworthy, point it out.

 

There are exceptions to every rule when it comes to dating, but this style of writing first emails has served me well.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ok I'm going to throw this out there ...I went on 4 dates with a guy I met off a site last week ...our first time meeting last week but we have great chemistry

 

He's 50 ...smart attractive to me and engaging to me. He messaged me because I favorited him as my profile is hidden with no pix but he took a chance ...I'm just thinking about dating again but liked his profile. Anyway ...I'll go and ck his message to me but it was nice with a bit of humor ...and report back.

 

The issue with him is his divorce isn't final and I'm on the fence about getting involved too much. Also ...I was his first date in ~25 yrs !

 

I told him to go date and have a great time. So he just now texted me to check in ...I asked him jokingly if he'd gone on 20 dates yet so we can get on with things (I used a flirty euphemism I won't divulge here lol)

 

Anyway ...he's got 2 dates this weekend!!! He's been on the dating site for 3 weeks ...not bad.

 

What's this guy doing that works?

 

There's so many factors.

 

Would you date a man of any race or height or income? Don't answer. It's just a rhetorical question. That takes your pool down.

 

Then amongst your pool, the woman has to be attracted to you. And if he tries to be smart and witty, YOU might not think he is smart and witty.

 

In any case, it's not really fair to say "This guy is getting dates and you guys are not getting dates because you are doing it wrong." It's not like programming a VCR (lol, I'm so ancient). So many variables in attraction. So many. You've had to hide your profile, so you should know that.

 

I would just say, "Maybe try to be more _____, and more ______, and see how that works. But it's normal to get rejected, especially in OLD, and it'll take some guys longer than others. Good Luck."

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ok here goes

 

 

Hi flip-flop tester

 

I like your profile. Very clever and insightful.

 

I'm new to the dating scene and have no idea what I'm doing yet :-)

 

It sounds like we're looking for the same things in a partner and I'd be interested in learning more about you

 

That is actually really, REALLY similar to what I've written a lot of women, especially in the beginning (and gotten no response). Like eerily similar. Much more similar than to what Jerk writes.

 

And it just goes to show, there really is no magic bullet.

 

But then again, I really don't know why we're having this conversation. You know that.

[StBreton]

Most people are not gorgeous or repulsive. Most are pretty average.

 

Personality varies a whole lot more than physical attractiveness. Personality is what makes people "click". So one average guy sends "Hi", another sends an entire monologue, another sends a dic pic, and the last guy sends a lighthearted, witty comment and a question that advances the conversation.

 

Which average looking guy is more likely to get a response?

 

Key words ****advances the conversation****

 

I can't tell you the 100s of guys I passed up ...good looking ex pro hockey players etc ...who had no clue how to advance a conversation. I look for this quality because I'm very social. The guys who didn't advance the convo ...I faded the message exchange to zero ...

 

So in your first messages ...engage ...ask a question ...and keep asking questions ...this is the the area that most woman say men are lacking in with OLD messaging ...the women just move on to guys who can converse.

[xxoo]

Your emails are definitely not an introduction.

 

It's like your starting mid conversation - skipping the intro, because thw cpnvo was started by their profiles.

 

Smooth

 

Great point!

 

That long email is redundant if you already have a profile. It is more of a mid-convo feel than an introduction.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Key words ****advances the conversation****

 

I can't tell you the 100s of guys I passed up ...good looking ex pro hockey players etc ...who had no clue how to advance a conversation. I look for this quality because I'm very social. The guys who didn't advance the convo ...I faded the message exchange to zero ...

 

So in your first messages ...engage ...ask a question ...and keep asking questions ...this is the the area that most woman say men are lacking in with OLD messaging ...the women just move on to guys who can converse.

 

Once again.

 

To advance the conversation to YOUR liking. Which is fine. That's your right to choose. But it's not the fault of the 100s of guys that didn't fit that mold that you didn't choose them.

 

There's just a different woman for them.

 

Now it's all starting to come out. Knew it would.

Edited October 22, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

Well, to advance a conversation to someone's liking, first you have to advance the conversation.

 

I think both men and women have this complaint. If, after those emails, a woman responded with, "Nice!" and nothing more, the conversation would stall. Both have to lob the ball back in the other court and give them something to hit back.

[StBreton]

That is actually really, REALLY similar to what I've written a lot of women, especially in the beginning (and gotten no response). Like eerily similar. Much more similar than to what Jerk writes.

 

And it just goes to show, there really is no magic bullet.

 

But then again, I really don't know why we're having this conversation. You know that.

 

So JJS ...what is your demographic? Do you live in a large city? Was that a rhetorical or facetious question about not knowing why we're having this convo? I'm having a blonde moment:)

[StBreton]

Once again.

 

To advance the conversation to YOUR liking. Which is fine. That's your right to choose. But it's not the fault of the 100s of guys that didn't fit that mold that you didn't choose them.

 

There's just a different woman for them.

 

Now it's all starting to come out. Knew it would.

 

No no and no! They didn't advance convo at all. They made first contact then didn't ask any questions!! I started to see a trend ...now I drop out quickly

 

 

Please don't miss the forest for the trees on this JJS

[JuneJulySeptember]

No no and no! They didn't advance convo at all. They made first contact then didn't ask any questions!! I started to see a trend ...now I drop out quickly

 

 

Please don't miss the forest for the trees on this JJS

 

Seriously, if you took over my Match.com account, how many dates per week do you think you could get me (yourself ), knowing nothing about what I look like?

[StBreton]

If I were a guy not getting dates ...I'd spend $500 and hire a dating coach for a few hours and get some good pix taken.

Edited October 22, 2015 by StBreton

[xxoo]

Seriously, if you took over my Match.com account, how many dates per week do you think you could get me (yourself ), knowing nothing about what I look like?

 

How many are you getting now? It's about improving results, hopefully to a productive point at which you have a chance of making a decent match, not having tons of positive responses.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How many are you getting now? It's about improving results, hopefully to a productive point at which you have a chance of making a decent match, not having tons of positive responses.

 

Eh, I get about 1 response for every 10 to 13 messages sent. Then, maybe one date for every 3 conversations, and no relationships from that in a year.

 

So, I have a modified profile up now, and we'll see how that goes. And if it doesn't work, I'll modify it again. Screw it. Nothing to lose.

 

I have a lot of theories about this, but my major theory (in my warped, crazy mind) is that if I post a profile from my heart with my own sense of humor and truly telling my nuances and quirks, that'll help draw the person who is the best match for me and the person who will stick by my side through the end.

 

But I'm not asking for dating advice here. I'm fine. I'm just trying to alleviate some of the burden that falls on guy's shoulders for rejection. Guys get rejection. It's not your fault. I mean, us guys take that personally and really beat ourselves up. I've seen guys totally try and change their entire persona to try and get women. Sad.

 

But I wasted all day doing it. God, I'm so screwed. Lol. Damn this place.

Edited October 22, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[StBreton]

Seriously, if you took over my Match.com account, how many dates per week do you think you could get me (yourself ), knowing nothing about what I look like?

 

Hmmm ...I asked for your demographics ...

 

I'm not sure. Now have you had friends look at your profile and pix and your conversation/messaging writing style? They may be able to help get you a higher response rate.

 

Well it looks like you're getting dates so that's good ...but no relationships ...I think that's for another thread. Don't want to hijack the OPs thread

[JuneJulySeptember]

Hmmm ...I asked for your demographics ...

 

I'm not sure. Now have you had friends look at your profile and pix and your conversation/messaging writing style? They may be able to help get you a higher response rate.

 

Well it looks like you're getting dates so that's good ...but no relationships ...I think that's for another thread. Don't want to hijack the OPs thread

 

It wasn't meant to be a serious question. It was meant to convey how even if a female (you, or XXOO, or my pregnant sister) took over my account, it wouldn't drastically improve my response rate. If it was the case, then my sister would do it for me.

 

A little? A little/some? Possibly.

 

But that's what we deal with in dating. Subtleties giving small results.

 

So, when some of us guys say "Yea, Jerk's examples are nice, but we've posted similar stuff and gotten rejected." Jerk's and the female poster's response should be "Yea, of course. It's not foolproof and there's a lot of variability. It's just something to try that might help."

 

Instead of saying "Oh, I'd definitely respond to a guy who sent THAT message."

 

The stuff I write was literally identical to 50 year old divorcee. Eye-dentical.

 

Anyway, I think this the 4th time I've posted this same message. Wow. I even missed the Mets game to post this drivel. Thanks, and nighty night.

Edited October 22, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[clia]

So, when some of us guys say "Yea, Jerk's examples are nice, but we've posted similar stuff and gotten rejected." Jerk's and the female poster's response should be "Yea, of course. It's not foolproof and there's a lot of variability. It's just something to try that might help."

 

Instead of saying "Oh, I'd definitely respond to a guy who sent THAT message."

 

I think it's understood that there is a lot of variability and obviously the guy's pictures and profile also matter. If you are a guy 20 years older than me or who lives 100 miles away or who I don't find attractive, you can write the best message in the world and not get a response. But that's missing the point of this thread.

 

ImaJerk's original post is based on the message component only, and him giving examples of messages that have gotten responses from women. And I think it's a great post, because a lot of guys come on here and complain about not getting responses, so he is attempting to help with one component of the equation.

 

When I posted that they are messages I would've responded to, I assumed the guy was also in my age range, location, looks were acceptable, etc. That component of the variability was a non-issue for purposes of this post. I mean, of course all the other stuff matters. But every little bit helps, doesn't it?

[clia]

Well, you often don’t know until you start talking to them if they're simpletons or they're not (women's profiles are 90% garbage as well), so while sometimes you can tell by how they write in their respective profiles, most often not. If I knew ahead of time that a woman was entertained by the OP's sixth grade writing level schlock, I'd not bother.

 

Sixth grade writing level? What? That's pretty condescending and rude. These are casual, fun messages. Honestly, if this is your view of these messages, it's no wonder you are having such a hard time with online dating. Why don't you show us an example of the messages you send that have gotten responses? OP has provided examples of messages that have gotten responses from women. Do you have any to share?

 

We call B.S. because it is B.S. I've written plenty of similar messages (granted, sans the overt placating, and with actual humor not requiring footnote) and gotten abysmal results over years of online dating.

 

The humor doesn't require a footnote for most people. I don't understand why you are so confused by it. Again, if you think this basic stuff is so confusing, it's no wonder you aren't connecting with women.

[serial muse]

Which is why hitting on women is such a pain in the ass.. Every word psychoanalyzed..the length, the humor, the some of this but not too much but just enough blah blah blah

 

Men are so much easier to please

 

Er...honestly, the ways guys on this thread are nitpicking op's post really doesn't support the above statement.

 

What I like about the notes he wrote is pretty much what xoxo said above: they're light-hearted, strike the right tone of cheerful/flirty, and seem disposed to be pleasant rather than angry or cutting. There are lots of ways to arrive at that mix, of course. This is one. It's not a template, it's an example. Kudos to OP for trying to help.

Edited October 22, 2015 by serial muse

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

When I posted that they are messages I would've responded to, I assumed the guy was also in my age range, location, looks were acceptable, etc. That component of the variability was a non-issue for purposes of this post. I mean, of course all the other stuff matters. But every little bit helps, doesn't it?

 

Yea, that sounds fair enough. I probably took it a little overboard today. I'd like to point out that I was one of the first people to give Jerk kudos.

 

As for how much it helps, I've sent 5 messages in the 'style of Jerk' today and 0 for 5, but that's no worse than in the 'style of JJS', so no loss.

 

But hey, you know, try something different. Sure, you never know.

 

G'night.

[impatiently_patient]

Most people are not gorgeous or repulsive. Most are pretty average.

 

Personality varies a whole lot more than physical attractiveness. Personality is what makes people "click". So one average guy sends "Hi", another sends an entire monologue, another sends a dic pic, and the last guy sends a lighthearted, witty comment and a question that advances the conversation.

 

Which average looking guy is more likely to get a response?

 

Well, I am repulsive and "the last guy" above... and that falls into no the no response category.

 

 

 

 

I can tell you are a funny guy. More of the raw Dave Attell sort of humor? The kind that I would be cracking up with over a shot of whiskey. I would say most women don't appreciate that sense of humor as much, but I digress.

 

Yeah, Attell is on there. Doug Stanhope, Bo Burnham, Jim Jefferies, Bryan Fuller, Dan Harmon. Stuff like that. It just doesn't translate. Instead, you're stuck with writing Dane Cook **** like the OP, "That girl in your pic looks funny... har har." :-| Yeah, not humor.

 

 

 

 

 

YOU are not repulsive!! I actually said you look handsome in your pic ...if that's you. You're funny smart and engaging ...with a smiggen of bitter ...just sayin

 

Well, I'm functionally repulsive. That's the fact of the matter. I don't get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think, "I'm repulsive". In fact, I'm rather OCD and borderline metro about my grooming and dress. My friends even make fun of me for being a "pretty" guy... but then I've had four dates over the last five plus years of trying on online dating. So yeah, functionally repulsive. That's all that matters. It's not bitter. It's just reporting the numbers from the trenches.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sixth grade writing level? What? That's pretty condescending and rude.

 

I call it like I see it. Some people don't see car salesmen as being transparent and skeezy. They really think they're caring and helpful. You're obviously one of those people. That's why they say it like they do. It's the adult version of baby talk. "Goo goo, ga ga." I get REALLY insulted when people talk to me that way. Take it how you want to. I work adjacent marketing in a consumer product company. Hate to break it to you, but they're full of it. On the other hand, I'll tell you the aspects of our products that suck... will probably make a joke about it.

 

The humor doesn't require a footnote for most people. I don't understand why you are so confused by it. Again, if you think this basic stuff is so confusing, it's no wonder you aren't connecting with women.

Hey, I don't need to put [laughs] in after anything funny I say. There's nothing confusing about that. Edited October 22, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yeah, Attell is on there. Doug Stanhope, Bo Burnham, Jim Jefferies, Bryan Fuller, Dan Harmon. Stuff like that. It just doesn't translate. Instead, you're stuck with writing Dane Cook **** like the OP, "That girl in your pic looks funny... har har." :-| Yeah, not humor.

 

Yup, yup!

 

That's the one. We all think Dane Cook is a douche.

 

I'll check out the others.