the pain is real Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 New member. First post. I had a relationship with a woman 20 years my jr which lasted 6 years on and off. 15 months ago she dumped me over the phone and was with another in less than a month. Marriage in her family, I sent congrats. She responded one of the wedding songs was more about us than the newly weds..."God bless the broken road". I responded that I still feel strongly about her...and loved her...she responded as contact was as a friend and she thinks about me and loves me too. Three days later I get a text photo of her at the wedding...and she was stunning. Responded like a sap telling her she was striking. Asked if we could get together, she responded maybe in a couple weeks. I do think she continues to be in a relationship. So my question for the board: What to do? I want her back...as in marriage... If she does meet with me how should I handle it. She is NOT a romantic and has a lengthy dating history. She knows the game and has ice water in her veins. Opinions appreciated as I am a total wreck...Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Why don't you find someone your own age? If you really want marriage, a woman in her early 30s would make a better candidate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 Short answer...I love her and I think she loves me. Age was not an issue. Thanks for your reply 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candle037 Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Hi, do you know if she had any motive for contacting you? was it to get back together or to get some attention for example. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I initiated contact to offer congrats on upcoming wedding. She responded. I can guarantee that she would not have initiated contact with me. Period. She is one strong woman that has walked away from numerous relationships including a marriage, engagement, and I don't even want to know how many other men she had in between. We broke up for 6 months once before and she had another man in her bed..."but it didn't mean anything"...She is extremely attractive and always has numerous obiters waiting in line...That is the reason why I didn't complete the permanency of the relationship this last time. She has a non addictive personality and can walk away from anything or anyone without looking back. We had great times...and frankly I have not had a single day without thinking of her and wanting her back, even though she had another man in her life within a very short period of time after ending 6 years in a phone call. I am not coping with this and it is causing serious issues in my mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 It is going to be another very long night.... Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Don't ask for advice on here, 90% of the people are cynical and will tell you to move on and other bs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I too know the allure of the Ice Queen. Something about that personality type really gets its hooks into me. Your ex sounds like mine. I used to call her Shiva destroyer of worlds, euphemistically. Never thought she would turn her world devouring tendencies on me. I do believe that this woman is dangerous for you. What makes you think that a reconciliation would end well for you considering her personality? Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 I guess I am ready to take about any chance to get rid of this gnawing cancer in my chest which dominates my every waking moment. Logically I know I have virtually no chance of her coming back, but hope is the destroyer of men. Thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Damn you are putting her on this pedestal slow down. You focus too much on locking her in a relationship/ marriage it's suffocating, you should take it slow and enjoy the company of women instead of trying to them to be in a relationship with you. Plus if she walked away from marriages,Engagements and other relationships what makes you so special! Reality check man it's okay to hope for her comeback but you should enjoy life too, meet other women and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 i wish there were a section of this forum (hint, admins!) for the 30+ crowd where relationship difficulties, breakups and reconciliations could be discussed sans binary thinking (no contact! no other way!)that dominates the current forum. i think the negative attitudes, and black-whiting thinking reflect the age, inexperience, and immaturity of many of the users here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I absolutely agree. relationships at 30-40-50-60+ are not on the same level as being 25 and having your heart shredded. The pain might be the same when it comes to loss, but your time frame and social availability is light years different. No contact does exactly that...it results in no contact and an elimination of any hope of reconnecting with a very significant person in your life. Your social circles are set or limited, the idea of going to a bar and finding another is rather sophomoric. It is all about time... I like black and white thinking because it is simple...and often flawed due to a tremendous number of variables associated with adult relationships not found in teen, and 20's dating scene. Most of us have been around the block a few times...and we have the scars to prove it. Dating others seems like a great idea until one realizes the amount of drama associated is worse than putting all your eggs in one basket. I do appreciate the replies and the wisdom. Believe me when I say I have had the same exact thoughts, but sometimes you don't choose love, love chooses you. Not very RP but oh well. Call me Beta or whatever as labels don't really mean a hell of a lot to me. Thank you again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 OP, thanks for your post. i've broken up with my love who is almost 20 years my senior. his son died 18 months ago and he is depressed. we've been apart for 6 months without contact. he has totally shut me out. sometimes people need time to heal, grow, and figure things out. i don't know what will happen, and i know that he may never come back. i can tell you though that if i had any contact with him, i would use it to let him know i still cared for him. if you have opened lines of communication and have accepted the risk, keep talking to her. you can't make a new relationship without communication. keep us posted and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Candle037 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Did you ever tell her how you feel and that you want to get back together? Are you prepared that if she says no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author the pain is real Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Yes I have. She has no doubt regarding my feelings and what we could share together. To other posters, I wish you well. Sometimes all the bravado we see on these sights is much noise signifying nothing. I guess I will see what happens. If the answer is NO then I move on with a sadness in my soul that hopefully time will temper. Time will tell... As someone said the decision is hers and only she can make it. No amount of my words can make her love me and want to spend a life together. Thank you for your posts...it does make this process easier to put down thoughts into verse. Link to post Share on other sites
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