Sunberry Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I mean it's pretty black and white but at the same time it's not. I met this guy while travelling a year ago and he showed me around the city. We also have night where we hung out, watched movies, etc. We slept together once or twice then as well. I wanted a relationship after months of hanging out then but he found it unrealistic as I had to come back to America. Well, once I left I began to see how the relationship wouldn't work and how oblivious and rude he can be from time to time, how painfully awkward he can be... So I put everything involving him in a back burner. Fast forward and we still catch up with each other every week. And we'll talk to each other about our issues, our love lives, who we've seen, we even flirt with each other from time to time etc. I don't get upset if he talks to other woman, I'm supportive. He's really shy and yet blunt once you get to know him. We've both been looking, extensively, for a partner as we both feel lonely. We're both not having the best of luck, more him than me. We recently video messaged each other for the first time and it felt nice. My heart became warm and I don't know..then the whole long distance thing crept up in my mind and I thought, "Well, why the hell not?". I'm just as awkward as he is. We both had the same emotional issues....I'm so confused right now.. Any thought are very much appreciated and I hope you had a lovely day. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 what does he want from you? Doesn't sound like he wants something serious with you. I would let him lead and see where it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 If you asked him his answer is probably "close friends". He's not serious because he's being realistic. We both want physical contact, and being 4000 miles apart doesn't really help. He'll ask me sometimes when I'm coming back to his country...Ho would I let him lead? Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Him leading will be offering to come see you or having you come see him. Anything less is a waste of time and energy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 What you've described is not a relationship. Accepting, despite your desire to be more, that what you have is a friendship (at best) will clear up the confusion. If you can't, it may be best to stop interacting with him and put an end to the continual disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystique01 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I'm sorry OP, but I agree with @travelbug on this one. This doesn't sound like a "relationship" at all to me. At the VERY least it sounds like a digital/pseudo-relationship. Look, a guy who is TRULY interested in making you his bf will not be able to be away from you for too long. You two will be talking about either him moving to your country, or you moving to his country. He will be wanting to see you (IN PERSON) most of the time, he'll want to meet your family, your friends, etc. He won't be talking to you about his relationships, and if you mention your relationships he won't feel comfortable with that. This guy sounds like a friend who basically took advantage of the situation while you were in town, showed you around, had some nice sex, and now he's being "realistic" in the fact that he knows you two live in different (countries?? I'm assuming), and his interest level isn't high enough to want to CHANGE that. Let HIM take the lead. His feelings COULD change in the future, but if they do, you WILL know. You won't be on here asking....actually, I didn't quite get what you were trying to ask in your original post to be honest... But if you want my honest opinion?? I say open your mind and heart to a guy who is in your same area/or at least a few cities down. ONe who you can see often, REALLY get to know deeply, and who makes it CLEAR what his intentions are. I don't mean to come off harsh or blunt, but I've just been in this situation before, and it didn't work out. So much so that now I kind of try to stay AWAY from LDR if I can help it. I'd MUCH rather prefer a guy who was within an hour distance away who I can see, touch, feel, in person on a regular basis lol. I'm sure your dating life will get better soon. There's someone for EVERYONE out here. In the meantime, I say this guy is just a waste of time (if you're secretly wanting MORE from him). But if you're cool w/just a friendship with him, then by all means, go ahead and continue to keep in touch w/him, chatting away, and video messaging. I mean....who knows...maybe one day he will surprise you with a visit or a relationship. I just wouldn't hold my breath. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 I understand. I won't do anything and i'll continue my search for someone who cares about me. Thank you helping me gain back perspective. I was off the leash for a could of days but I'm back on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystique01 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Sure, no problem! You deserve so much more than the crumbs this guy is giving you. I say try to find someone available in your own town/country, and see how that goes. I guarantee that when you get with a guy who truly REALLY likes you, he will make the effort, and you will be SO much happier. This "virtual" guy may pop up again, but I wouldn't give him too much care UNLESS he's making a real effort to make you his gf, move closer to you, etc. Otherwise, everything else is a HUGE waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunberry Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 So, there has been a significant update to this situation: He opened up and revealed to me the distance thing was an excuse. When I asked him what the real reason was he says he has issues connecting with people and forming relationships. He is a very emotionally detatched person and he's very pessimistic on how the relationship will end up--he's too self absorbed. He says he cares me a lot regardless. I told him, I didn't want a relationship with him with that being the reason. I told him I thought about it a lot and that I value his friendhship and I care for him greatly but I'm not going to put myself in a posistion where I feel like I'm giving more in a relationship. I don't deserve that. He then preceeded to log out of our chat. I haven't heard from him since and am greatly worried. Link to post Share on other sites
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