In Laws and SKIRTS/DRESSES

[Nina039]

Hi Everyone,

I'm desperately looking for some advice. My InLaws practice X religion, and they believe women should wear dresses or skirts period but anyone entering their house must also wear a skirt ir dress. To me this sounds ridiculous but hey .. To each their own. The problem now is that we will be visit them soon. We live in the West coadt. They live in the east coast. I keep telling my husband that i respect his parents and I don't judge them. But I don't feel comfortable having to change my clothes just to please them. I rather just meet in a neutral place and socialize. Where we both (my in laws and me) can be ourselves. How do other people see my views? Am i being disrespectful? Selfish? How would you feel if your in laws requested this from you? Would you just do it?

[lollipopspot]

Yeah, I'd pretty much just do it. I'm not going to go out and get new shoes or clothes, or fuss around a lot - that's not me - but I will wear a skirt if it's that important to them.

 

Do you have and wear skirts? Is wearing them something you're generally not comfortable with, or is it more the principle that they want to dictate your clothes and what underlies it?

[todreaminblue]

I would do it out of respect.......i would not do it if it were to run around naked with long leg hair and celebrate the equinoxe ...or if they asked me to wear a full nuns habit like the flying nun..or a berka.............but wearing a skirt because they prefer that i wear a skirt on a short visit..... seems like a little sacrifice to make, to me anyway ...wouldnt bother me........deb

[d0nnivain]

You are not wrong but the amount of drama this will cause to me far outweighs the inconvenience of wearing a skirt for a few days.

[Tayla]

If business's can require such, so too can a host/hostess.

 

Choose to go or ask for specifics on types of attire that is customary.

 

Do the men wear a certain type of attire as well ?

[lollipopspot]

Maybe you could wear tennies with your skirt, and not shave your legs.

 

Partly joking, but not really. I think you can bend on wearing the skirt, but not bend on comfort. It doesn't have to look "nice." It just has to look like a skirt.

[SpiralOut]

I wouldn't like being told what to wear but I would suck it up and do it to avoid drama. I used to wear a nice pair of workout pants underneath a long denim skirt during cool weather. I got compliments on it. Depending on the weather where you are, I think you could get away with wearing leggings or workout pants under a skirt.

 

 

Are you staying at their house or renting a hotel room? If it were me I would insist we rent a hotel room so I can act like myself for at least part of the trip.

Edited October 20, 2015 by SpiralOut

[central]

If it doesn't violate some deeply held conviction or religious tradition of your own, go with the flow. It won't hurt you, and will help them accept you - which is beneficial for your relationship, no doubt.

 

I'm an atheist, and won't accept any disrespect over it. At the same time, I respect other's beliefs, and would rather accommodate them than create unnecessary discomfort or conflict. Be the bigger person compared to them.

[LuckyLady13]

It sounds like you don't typically wear the type of attire these people "require" at their home. Personally, I wouldn't go and if I did, I'd be myself.

 

No one is going to dictate what clothes I wear ever under any circumstances and I strongly disagree with not rocking the boat and bending over this to avoid drama. Why? Because, what will they dictate next in your life? And after that?

 

I live on the east coast surrounded by every single religion that exists (no exaggeration) and I have never once heard of this. I'm a very socialized person who has had a lot of exposure to different religions, customs and practices. If this was common, I'd know about it.

 

I think there's a much bigger issue going on here. Are you planning to convert to please his parents? It doesn't really sound like it.

 

You mentioned how you're from the west coast. Let me tell you, this isn't normal or something that happens here all the time.

 

As far as what Tayla said about jobs requiring a certain type of attire, I'd never sign up for a job that required attire I wasn't comfortable with. I worked at one place that had uniforms and I checked the uniform first before I agreed to work at that job. My boss went out of his way to make them as comfortable as possible and they looked good too! We were a comfortable, attractive bunch at that place.

 

I was talking to a 26 year old Indian woman just last week. She wanted someone from this area to talk candidly with. She was very upset that her parents were trying to arrange her marriage. She said she didn't want to get married, she likes being young and single. I told her all I could tell her. She has to make her own decision as to what she can handle from her parents if she wants to live a more American lifestyle. I told her I'd do whatever I want (and did) at 26 and had the time of my life. I'd never agree to an arranged marriage and I'd question why my parents moved me to America but want me to keep old, tired traditions that do not lead to happiness. I warned her there could be fallout with her family that's permanent but she has one life to be happy with and this is it.

[autumnnight]

I am quite familiar with X religion.

 

You could make it into some freedom battle cry....but IMO that would just be immature.

 

It's a few days, and then you get to go back to your regular life. If you DON'T wear skirts not only will you probably catch it, your hubby surely will...and you'll be on 15 different church prayer lists lol

 

I'd just buy a couple of mix and match skirts/shirts that are comfy and go with the flow for a few days.

 

Not everything needs to be a declaration of independence.

 

Do they have a thing about makeup and jewelry too?

[GunslingerRoland]

Do they make all female visitors to their home do this because of religious reasons? If so, you should honor their request and comply.

 

If not, I don't believe you should, because you are just another visitor. Be careful because it sounds like they are getting expectations that you will be taking on their religion. If that isn't your intention, stand up for yourself, now and make sure he is willing to do the same for you.

[truthtripper]

In terms of religion, what is the difference between pants and skirts anyway? The garment construction is similar, the pants just have the legs sewn. What's the big deal? I would find it extremely difficult to conform.

[SolG]

Do they make all female visitors to their home do this because of religious reasons? If so, you should honor their request and comply.

 

I agree. Some churches apply Deuteronomy 22:5 quite strictly: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God."

 

I think it's best to respect people's religious beliefs within their own homes as much as possible. Just as I'd expect them to respect my sensibilities within mine.

 

This isn't a ditch I'd die in.

[truthtripper]

I agree. Some churches apply Deuteronomy 22:5 quite strictly: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God."

 

I think it's best to respect people's religious beliefs within their own homes as much as possible. Just as I'd expect them to respect my sensibilities within mine.

 

This isn't a ditch I'd die in.

Honestly, does a loving God really care whether a woman or a man for that matter, wears pants or a skirt?

[Els]

I guess personally my choice would depend on how they phrase it - whether as an 'instruction' that they think they are entitled to give, or a nice request. If the latter, I'd probably just suck it up and do it for a few days, for the sake of my SO. If the former, I dunno... I think my pride would absolutely prevent me from kowtowing regardless of the consequences.

 

But surely you have visited them at least once before marrying him... right?

[Els]

I agree. Some churches apply Deuteronomy 22:5 quite strictly: "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God."

 

I don't necessarily disagree with your advice to the OP, but I don't get this bit. If they follow the Old Testament literally, do they still also offer firstborn lambs as sacrifice, only eat kosher food, stone people to death for premarital sex and not wear any clothing comprised of multiple types of fabric? How do people rationalize picking and choosing like that?

[katielee]

Why can't your husband simply say "my wife will be her authentic self. She doesn't ascribe to your religion." I mean, why be a participant in a religious practice if you don't practice it. Isn't that.... kind of pretending?

[rester]

Hi Everyone,

I'm desperately looking for some advice. My InLaws practice X religion, and they believe women should wear dresses or skirts period but anyone entering their house must also wear a skirt ir dress. To me this sounds ridiculous but hey .. To each their own. The problem now is that we will be visit them soon. We live in the West coadt. They live in the east coast. I keep telling my husband that i respect his parents and I don't judge them. But I don't feel comfortable having to change my clothes just to please them. I rather just meet in a neutral place and socialize. Where we both (my in laws and me) can be ourselves. How do other people see my views? Am i being disrespectful? Selfish? How would you feel if your in laws requested this from you? Would you just do it?

 

I'm a guy, but even so, if my in-laws were part of some religion where the men wore skirts or dresses, or kilts, or sarongs, I would respect that when in their home. I've been to temples in other countries where the wearing of a sarong is mandatory for both men and women, and the option is to either not go to the temple, or wear the sarong. I didn't see it as an affront to my own personal beliefs, I saw it as a "when in Rome" situation.

 

If you feel so strongly against changing your attire to visit your in-laws, I would suggest not visiting them and finding an alternate solution, such as meeting in a neutral place, like you suggested. I don't find it to be reasonable to enter someone's home and directly disrespect them by not following their rules.

 

I also have friends that don't wear shoes in the home. Their guests remove their shoes upon entering and are given slippers to wear. I don't find this offensive at all, but I do have one friend that refuses to visit these friends because of this rule. He likes them, he just won't go to their house because he doesn't want to take off his shoes.

 

To answer your last question, "would you just do it", yes, in your situation I would just wear the skirt or dress while in their home. It seems to me to be an overreaction to fight them on this.

[GunslingerRoland]

I also have friends that don't wear shoes in the home. Their guests remove their shoes upon entering and are given slippers to wear. I don't find this offensive at all, but I do have one friend that refuses to visit these friends because of this rule. He likes them, he just won't go to their house because he doesn't want to take off his shoes.

 

.

 

Wait, do American's really wear shoes in their homes?

 

I always just thought this was something on TV.

[veggirl]

If they require you dress a certain way they probably also restrict things you can say/do that are perfectly normal things and that just sounds like a horrible trip. I'd skip it. I highly doubt it ends with the skirt.

[Els]

I also have friends that don't wear shoes in the home. Their guests remove their shoes upon entering and are given slippers to wear. I don't find this offensive at all, but I do have one friend that refuses to visit these friends because of this rule. He likes them, he just won't go to their house because he doesn't want to take off his shoes.

 

I come from a culture where we always go barefoot in the house, but nobody I know would ever DREAM of telling a guest that it's mandatory! Guests usually just follow suit, and even if they don't it's not a huge deal, we don't go ballistic over it. To me, giving out 'mandatory' instructions like that (if it was indeed so, the OP didn't elaborate but that was my impression) is beyond rude as a hostess. A job or a temple is completely different. Your boss can also tell you to clean the place but your hostess really should not.

[William]

Folks, this new member started the thread, logged out zero minutes later and never returned. Since it's a thread specific to one person, I'll thank members for their thoughtful input and wrap it up.