Feel like my relationship goals have shifted; not sure what it means

[Zapbasket]

I never imagined I'd be 39 and single. I always thought I'd get married, start a family--in fact, I took for GRANTED that this would be my course.

 

It's not just that I'm 39 and single, having had three long-term relationships since age 25--one lasting 5 years, another one and a half years, and this most recent one (ended two years ago), three and a half years. Each relationship had about a year, give or take, between them. It's that I'm single, 39, and feel not only that I NEED to be single right now, but also that I'm enjoying this opportunity to focus on myself, realign with my true purpose and life goals, and learn to have a stronger, healthier relationship with myself. This while also realizing that at 39, I no longer have "unlimited" time if I want to build a family.

 

But I don't feel like I want, or should want, to focus on finding a partner so that I can get going with getting married, getting pregnant, etc. I feel like I want this to happen, and I am at a stage and age where it still is possible for me...but in a few years it will be much harder.

 

Prior to this the idea of having children and building a home and family with someone was always the backdrop, the inspiration, behind getting involved in a relationship. Now, I'm faced with the possibility that it might not happen for me, or at least that being 39 it might be harder to find someone compatible who a) wants what I want and b) doesn't already have a family (e.g., is divorced with kids, etc.).

 

Not sure what I'm getting at, only that I feel my purpose is different. I have no interest in getting into a relationship where there isn't a deep compatibility that complements my life and who I truly am, which I'm discovering more and more each day. I feel I'm content being single and I no longer am willing to settle for partial compatibilities, or someone who shows up to the relationship only some of the time. I have learned the hard way that getting involved in something like that is not only counterproductive, but destructive.

 

Can anyone relate to what I'm saying [albeit very inarticulately]? I just feel the place of a romantic relationship in my life is shifting, because it can no longer be motivated by a vague notion of building a life / becoming an adult with someone. I dunno; I can't seem to express what I'm trying to say but hopefully enough has come across that others feel they can relate and share their thoughts / experience.