32 and single... have you ever felt it was maybe FATE to be single

[wlh22]

This is a long post. Thanks for listening to me.

 

 

I have recently been dumped so I know I have recent emotions from that experience in my head.

 

 

But, I am finding myself at a very odd spot. and I am starting to feel like a lost case. I am 32 and single (never married).

 

 

My parents' have stayed together but they don't have a working marriage. I grew up seeing them fight a lot and not have a loving relationship (and I am not exaggerating). I come from a conservative country so they decided not to take a divorce and stick together to raise kids, despite them not being happy in the marriage. At a subconscious level, I think it created a fear in me for commitment and marriage from childhood.

 

 

I have fallen in love twice or thrice but been the dumpee every single times. When my first gf dumped me (I was on 26), I loved her dearly and would have spent my life with her. I think the timing in life, moving for jobs (relationship became LD) and not having fully committed (married) led to her leaving me for another man (I am not happy in the relationship). It was an emotional disaster knowing she also was suffering but still found someone who likely overlapped with the relationship.

 

 

I took almost couple of years to fully recover (at least I thought I did) and just went on to enjoy my life. Get a good job, pay off loans, get new hobbies and friends etc. I felt good about life but certainly was missing a good partner.

 

 

Nothing serious happened between 26-29, partly me not feeling ready and partly not meeting anyone special.

 

 

Recently at 31/32 - another breakup. Again dumped (and honestly speaking she was cruel and selfish the way she did it so I am glad I didn't end up with her)

 

 

Now I am 32 and find myself in a very weird spot. I just moved due to my job to a new city and have no social circle or family here (although I can call them). All my friends and people of my age are married and some have started having kids so the time they can spent / give to me is gone down. I am finding there are not many girls available in my age bracket and the ones that are I am not either physically attracted to or don't live in the same city. People from my country get married around 26/27 by the way.

 

 

I feel time is running out and there is this weird sense of pressure building in my head that I am destined to be single all my life has worked out.

 

 

Problem is I am extremely well educated, I am financially stable and a clean guy (no bad habits). I have hobbies in sports and music and am a very social person. But I just feel that fate is putting me in situations making the odds against me.

 

 

I am feeling the pressure of "compromising" on my choice of partner and not being able to cope up with the fact that all my "choices" have not worked out. And it's been really difficult emotionally to deal with all this.

 

 

If there are any tips, advices, suggestions please do write to me. Thanks for reading.

[d0nnivain]

You actually have a very unique & exciting opportunity in front of you. You are in a new city with a clean slate. You can reinvent yourself to some extent.

 

 

Put yourself out there. Go to networking & continuing education opportunities for work.

 

 

Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about.

 

 

Take up a new hobby, something you always wanted to try.

 

 

Get involved with your local alumni association.

 

 

The more you reach into your community the more opportunities you will have to meet new people.

[Blanco]

I'm 30, a guy, and single. The only thing bordering on a concern I have is that many of the women in my age bracket are disappearing into LTR and marriages. At my age, I already feel too old for the college-aged girls. But I'm in no place right now to be in a LTR, so I'm optimistic that by time I am, some of these gals will have a few more years behind them and be less flaky and ready for that next phase of life.

 

I spent three years in a relationship before reluctantly leaving it earlier this year, so it's been a relearning process. It wasn't comfortable, and that was compounded by my ex moving on very quickly. It's pushing close to a year since I left, and while 2015 has been a supremely challenging year, I've hit a point where I'm feeling more optimistic about life and only missing remnants of my old life (predominantly, her wonderful children).

 

It's been lonely at times, for sure, but I've become a big believer in the idea that you tend to attract or be drawn to people in a similar place emotionally as you. And considering what I've been going through this year, that just isn't appealing to me at all.

 

So instead of desperately scrambling for a replacement for my ex, I've used this open space as a chance to get back to ME. I've taken the time previously consumed by my ex and that life and reallocated it into reviving old friendships, making new ones, rediscovering my love for weight training, establishing my new home, and spending time with other loved ones. I haven't dated or felt pressed to. I don't think there's any rush. It's felt more important to feel good about life and myself first rather than looking for someone to fill that void.

 

In short, you and I are in similar boats. We are single and have the freedom to basically make of life what we choose to make of it. Neither of us have eggs we need to worry about, so I don't really get this idea early 30s is somehow flirting with ancient. I've heard a lot of guys say that their 30s were way better than their 20s, and with the groundwork I've laid this year, I'm getting a sense of why that is. I'm getting some good vibes going forward, man!

[KatZee]

31 and single female over here. Was dumped when I was 27 and have been SOL ever since. Not for any lack of trying, but my city really sucks for relationships. I can't move because of my job so basically, this is it. Kinda stuck just like you feel.

 

Every single guy I've encountered just wants to play around. I keep trying to go older and it's the same crap. 33, 34, 35. All the same.

 

All the good ones are taken, or married at this point. *Shrug*

 

Oh, and like someone mentioned above, volunteering is a good idea. I'm getting involved in volunteer stuff within the next 6 months or so and that's my last hope for actually meeting people. If that doesn't work, I guess it's just fate that I remain single.

Edited October 21, 2015 by KatZee

[impatiently_patient]

Same boat here, except I'm 38 so my manxiety is even higher. The only real option for me is to go younger (like 30), or way younger (like 23).

 

At your age, you can hunt around in that respective bracket, and go a bit younger, but not the early twenties crowd if you can't stand them. Just minimize the time you spend around the mid thirties crowd and up. Unless they're a rare exception, they will have little to offer.

 

You can try online dating also, but I find I'm a magnet for fourty something women, where offline, it's generally women in their twenties that show interest (on the rare occasion it happens).

 

Any suggestions for the lot of us would be nice.

[impatiently_patient]

31 and single female over here. Was dumped when I was 27 and have been SOL ever since. Not for any lack of trying, but my city really sucks for relationships. I can't move because of my job so basically, this is it. Kinda stuck just like you feel.

 

Every single guy I've encountered just wants to play around. I keep trying to go older and it's the same crap. 33, 34, 35. All the same.

 

All the good ones are taken, or married at this point. *Shrug*

 

Keep your head up. I can't believe you'd have so much trouble (maybe if you're in Manhattan, I guess). Early thirties women should be mad popular with the late career bloomers like myself. Unless you're just into rich & handsome playboys (who don't have to trophy wife up until late forties and later), you should find someone pretty easily. None of my late thirties friends want to "play around".

[NGC1300]

I'm 31, only had 1 GF in my life and she cheated.

 

I totally get what you mean. Everyone is getting married and having kids; it's like people are just mindless robots. And all the attractive women in their 20's and 30's - their souls are stolen.

 

I've already committed to dying alone.

 

I'll stay in shape, but beyond that I'm just gonna smoke weed and game into my 50's. Then maybe take myself out.

 

Sounds morbid, but no sense dragging this out. I could do it now, but my parents would be devastated.

[Protec]

I'm 31, i have been lucky enough to be able to date people and have few RS's.

 

I met my first GF when i was 21, dated her for 2,5 years. She dumped me.

 

I was 1 month single ( TOO SOON! I know now. I was sstupid back then).

 

Then met 2nd GF, dated for 8 months, she cheated on me. We tried again. She blamed me for being too jealous. She dumped me.

 

I was almost a year single. Did some serious self searching etc.

 

3rd GF, dated just a month. She used me as a "****buddy". I was too blind to see that. She dumped me.

 

I was single for about 8 months.

 

4th GF, we dated for almost 3 years. She dumped me one day before my job ended.

 

Was almost 1,5 years single, then found my latest EX. Moved in with her almost immeaditely. I had never felt like that in my entire life. She dumped me.

 

Now, i am single again and i really feel there is something wrong with me. I've been always dumped. OK ok, main reason could be i have been dating very young girls.

Women of my age just don't like me. I don't know why.

 

My latest GF was the best i've ever had. I really really cared for her.

Now i've been trying to get a DATE for 2 months. Just a date. For a cup of coffee, a movie etc. Nothing. Nothing.

[impatiently_patient]

^

I hear you loud and clear on the just want to date thing. I haven't been on a date in over two years! I guess I just don't live up to anyone's expectations.

 

Did your string of exes give you reasons for dumping you? Seems like an ugly cycle you're stuck in.

[PaperCrane]

I'm 30, a guy, and single. The only thing bordering on a concern I have is that many of the women in my age bracket are disappearing into LTR and marriages. At my age, I already feel too old for the college-aged girls. But I'm in no place right now to be in a LTR, so I'm optimistic that by time I am, some of these gals will have a few more years behind them and be less flaky and ready for that next phase of life.

 

Oh man I know that feeling.

 

Women my age where I live are either; married, pile of kids, career focused with blinders on.

 

The only ones I can get time with are the younger ladies which is always a extra challenge in and of itself. Like you said, phase changes.

 

The older women just don't work for me. I tried something once and it just, well, didn't...work.

[neowulf]

36 and never married, no children.

 

So I hear you OP. I find myself wondering these days if some of us are just not the marrying kind.

 

I'd love to be in a secure, long term relationship leading to marriage, but it's starting to look like it's just not on the cards.

[rbrock2323]

I know exactly the situation you're in. I'm 33, single, great career (aerospace engineer), clean, no bad habits, fit, etc. But if you're not an extreme (gangster, county boy, drug addict, prison reject, etc.) it seems women want nothing to do with you.

 

Get yourself a hobby and enjoy what you have going for you. I restore and collect muscle cars, take vacations whenever I want with whichever friends I want to include, have a nice house, lots of property, and have a very stable career with great benefits financially and in terms of time off. I am on POF with a good profile (honestly, it is...I've seen bad) and when I message women they view me and then I never hear back from them. I don't message with "hi" or "h r u?" either. I put thought and interest into what I say and treat them with respect. Then they're on a month later lying about how they can't find a good, stable, caring man..

 

If a woman doesn't think any of this is good enough for her to even date me, and I am a really nice guy, then I am happy to keep to myself and let them struggle with their search through all of the lowlifes of society until they decide we're "good enough" but they have too much baggage for guys like us to handle.

 

Good luck

Edited October 23, 2015 by rbrock2323

[OrangeParty]

29, single since 2007. Partly lack of trying, partly never really found many women I would ask out (the ones I did ask out are all committed).

 

It isn't too bad for me. Sure, I think about it sometimes, but I just shrug. Seems like the idea of being forever single isn't depressing to me. Wonder if there's something with me. I've got quite a few good friends though, and I'm content. Would be nice to come home to someone though.

[lino]

I could be mistaken but it seems every response here is from a man. Very telling.

[Teraskas]

Met my first GF in 2010.

Dated her for 5 months and then she cheated on me, and subsequently got dumped by her.

 

Met my 2nd GF in 2012.

Dated her for around 4 months when she came to the conclusion that she wasn't ready for commitment as she cheated on me with someone else.

 

So, I've been single for 3,5 years, nearly 4.

Single since I was 20. :/ Currently 24 and recently started a new job. Sadly 95% male dominated, and the 2 remaining females deem me too young lol.

Certainly not from lack of effort, as I'm constantly running into commitmentphobe women, or women who don't know what they want, just want to be friends and have zero interest in a relationship.

 

All my female friends are all coupled up, and the few single ones have either rejected me, or have the "I don't need a man" attitude, or generalise men as a whole due to A FEW bad experiences in the past.

 

It's like the majority of women these days don't want a relationship at all.

As if us men (and limited amount of women. ) on here lamenting about our status are seen as 'undesirable, unwanted, etc."

 

I'm truly tired of being single to the point where it destroys my heart and shatters my soul when I see other friends of mine who have been single for 1 to 4 months get into a relationship without having faced the hardships, the continual rejection, the anger, the feeling of insufficientness, and more of "dating" which I have suffered for years...

 

Also something which ticks me off is the "you're too young" arguments.

Women seem to be SO fixated on a number. I might be "24 and young", but that doesn't mean I'm not mature.

Ironically I'm in the mindset of someone in their 30s as many of my friends have told me lol.

Edited October 23, 2015 by Teraskas

[impatiently_patient]

I could be mistaken but it seems every response here is from a man. Very telling.

 

KatZee said she's a woman. ¯\(°_o)/¯

 

There do seem to be a glut of "left behind" men on these topics... which is interesting because there seems to be a good bit of press calling out a shortage of eligible, professional men as western civilization has shifted away from a manufacturing and infrastructure market, to technology, management, and service driven careers. Yet a lot of us with our proverbial **** together struggle to find mates... or even interested parties.

 

I get the feeling that maybe women in general, have done very well at adapting to changes so far as the job market is concerned, and have not so much with respect to dating, clinging onto more traditional routes to finding men... or maybe they have and it's taken hold in the Millennial age bracket.

 

I'm really getting to hate when I was born. I have a harder and harder time identifying with people and how they behave in their mid-thirties and beyond. It often gets talked about as an age thing, but it might just be more generational. I have always been an early adopter and I'm not finding myself in the same places as my so-called peers.

[preraph]

There are times when life is just full of obstacles. Many resign themselves to it and decide it's destiny or God's will or whatever. When i was chasing my dream, I fought tooth and claw to get past the obstacles and if I hadn't, I never would have accomplished anything. You know the old saw -- success is about your ability to get up and dust yourself off.

 

I am alone at 63 and always been so. Marrying age, I was living my dream. No regrets. But it's true I'm fine either being social or entertaining myself for the most part.

 

You are unfettered. Unlike your friends, you are not locked into responsibility for family. You have every option available to you. You can pack up and move to your dream location. You can live in a tin can and sock all your money away, or you can spend every dime you make if you want to. (I recommend something in between of course). If you don't like where you're at, move. Or stay put but continue to travel often and see if you find a spot you're inspired by.

 

Most importantly, don't just stop living and wait for someone to drop in your lap to share life with. You only have this life once. Don't waste time. Spend as much time as possible doing things you love doing, even if it is doing them alone. Stay out there finding new activities and inspiration and if you live an active interesting life, you'll at least attract some friends who think you're interesting. You're not on anyone else's timetable. I wouldn't trade my life for the life of any one of my friend's.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

34 here, female, recently dumped. Never married, no kids. I long to find the right man to share my life with but also have this feeling deep down that I'm meant to be a lone wolf forever.

 

I have never tried online dating but as soon as I'm ready, I think that may be the best route. I worry because I don't fall easily for people..It takes a lot for me to find someone interesting and then to have them connect with me back.

 

Such is life!

[Truth34]

23, male. Had my share of "things" but nothing has lasted long to even call it a bf/gf type relationship.

 

I have felt love, and she left. Still on my mind daily, although im past the mourning phase and onto the acceptance portion. I have a few good female friends, and of course my dudes always help me out when I need them. But I mentioned to a friend of mine one night after a movie, that I am unsure if I am a relationship type of person. Personally, I want it. Especially after feeling the euphoria of love. But I just dont know If I am meant for that. I am picky, and I just seem to have a knack for attracting women I want nothing to do with. And the ones I want, well.. you know.

 

I dont think I am delusional. I dont go after models, but I just cant seem to spark any initial interest. It doesnt help that I have worked for the railroad for five years (since 18) and because of that have missed out on college life and most friday and saturday nights. I also dont drink or smoke, so even going to parties is somewhat of an afterthought. I am successful, have nice vehicles, my own house, and I am a genuine guy. But none of this has propelled me into an amazing, lasting relationship.

 

I have a date on Monday (which is the first real "date" in I don't know how long), so we'll see.

 

Hang in there, men.

[cookiemonster26]

I'm 30, a guy, and single. The only thing bordering on a concern I have is that many of the women in my age bracket are disappearing into LTR and marriages. At my age, I already feel too old for the college-aged girls. But I'm in no place right now to be in a LTR, so I'm optimistic that by time I am, some of these gals will have a few more years behind them and be less flaky and ready for that next phase of life.

 

I spent three years in a relationship before reluctantly leaving it earlier this year, so it's been a relearning process. It wasn't comfortable, and that was compounded by my ex moving on very quickly. It's pushing close to a year since I left, and while 2015 has been a supremely challenging year, I've hit a point where I'm feeling more optimistic about life and only missing remnants of my old life (predominantly, her wonderful children).

 

It's been lonely at times, for sure, but I've become a big believer in the idea that you tend to attract or be drawn to people in a similar place emotionally as you. And considering what I've been going through this year, that just isn't appealing to me at all.

 

So instead of desperately scrambling for a replacement for my ex, I've used this open space as a chance to get back to ME. I've taken the time previously consumed by my ex and that life and reallocated it into reviving old friendships, making new ones, rediscovering my love for weight training, establishing my new home, and spending time with other loved ones. I haven't dated or felt pressed to. I don't think there's any rush. It's felt more important to feel good about life and myself first rather than looking for someone to fill that void.

 

In short, you and I are in similar boats. We are single and have the freedom to basically make of life what we choose to make of it. Neither of us have eggs we need to worry about, so I don't really get this idea early 30s is somehow flirting with ancient. I've heard a lot of guys say that their 30s were way better than their 20s, and with the groundwork I've laid this year, I'm getting a sense of why that is. I'm getting some good vibes going forward, man!

 

Have you had experience with the attracting people in the same emotional state as you type thing? I am a 25F and k am scared I'll be alone forever because I only attract guys who want sex, but sometimes I feel like it's because of my fear

[Nikki Sahagin]

TBH, 32 is very young still especially in today's world. Your life is not over because you are single at 32. In fact, this is a good age to be single. You have life experience and are more likely to know what you want. Try to just embrace life, enjoy opportunities. Love will find you again.

[No_Go]

For a man you're not old at all - not that women are, but there is the reproductive aspect, and men are lucky in that respect.

 

Just do OLD. It is so easy nowadays.

 

I never dated till 27. Then had one relationship that started IRL (terrible one). Then I joined OLD sites: out of 10 guys that I met, pretty much 50% were a relationship material. 2/10 actually turned into relationships one horrible, and one good (the current one). I'm almost 31 now, and hopefully done with dating, but if I was single, I wouldn't worry too much based on the above experience.

 

P.S. I'm sure you can find offline dates, but I'm getting the vibe you're introverted and in a hurry, in that case OLD is just the simplest solution.

 

 

This is a long post. Thanks for listening to me.

 

 

I have recently been dumped so I know I have recent emotions from that experience in my head.

 

 

But, I am finding myself at a very odd spot. and I am starting to feel like a lost case. I am 32 and single (never married).

 

 

My parents' have stayed together but they don't have a working marriage. I grew up seeing them fight a lot and not have a loving relationship (and I am not exaggerating). I come from a conservative country so they decided not to take a divorce and stick together to raise kids, despite them not being happy in the marriage. At a subconscious level, I think it created a fear in me for commitment and marriage from childhood.

 

 

I have fallen in love twice or thrice but been the dumpee every single times. When my first gf dumped me (I was on 26), I loved her dearly and would have spent my life with her. I think the timing in life, moving for jobs (relationship became LD) and not having fully committed (married) led to her leaving me for another man (I am not happy in the relationship). It was an emotional disaster knowing she also was suffering but still found someone who likely overlapped with the relationship.

 

 

I took almost couple of years to fully recover (at least I thought I did) and just went on to enjoy my life. Get a good job, pay off loans, get new hobbies and friends etc. I felt good about life but certainly was missing a good partner.

 

 

Nothing serious happened between 26-29, partly me not feeling ready and partly not meeting anyone special.

 

 

Recently at 31/32 - another breakup. Again dumped (and honestly speaking she was cruel and selfish the way she did it so I am glad I didn't end up with her)

 

 

Now I am 32 and find myself in a very weird spot. I just moved due to my job to a new city and have no social circle or family here (although I can call them). All my friends and people of my age are married and some have started having kids so the time they can spent / give to me is gone down. I am finding there are not many girls available in my age bracket and the ones that are I am not either physically attracted to or don't live in the same city. People from my country get married around 26/27 by the way.

 

 

I feel time is running out and there is this weird sense of pressure building in my head that I am destined to be single all my life has worked out.

 

 

Problem is I am extremely well educated, I am financially stable and a clean guy (no bad habits). I have hobbies in sports and music and am a very social person. But I just feel that fate is putting me in situations making the odds against me.

 

 

I am feeling the pressure of "compromising" on my choice of partner and not being able to cope up with the fact that all my "choices" have not worked out. And it's been really difficult emotionally to deal with all this.

 

 

If there are any tips, advices, suggestions please do write to me. Thanks for reading.

[Phoe]

I'm 26, and did spend most of my adult life single.

 

I am single now, and given my current life situation it is going to stay that way.

 

I don't believe in "fate", but... I do think that with the way things have played out, it's right that I'm single. This is how it should be for me.

[oldshirt]

For a man you're not old at all - not that women are, but there is the reproductive aspect, and men are lucky in that respect.

 

Just do OLD. It is so easy nowadays.

 

I never dated till 27. Then had one relationship that started IRL (terrible one). Then I joined OLD sites: out of 10 guys that I met, pretty much 50% were a relationship material. 2/10 actually turned into relationships one horrible, and one good (the current one). I'm almost 31 now, and hopefully done with dating, but if I was single, I wouldn't worry too much based on the above experience.

 

P.S. I'm sure you can find offline dates, but I'm getting the vibe you're introverted and in a hurry, in that case OLD is just the simplest solution.

 

 

 

OLD is easy for women. Your experiences with OLD are not applicable to men. Out of the 10 men you met, you probably vetted out dozens and dozens and dozens of men contacting you. Your chore was simply filtering out which ones you'd agree to meet in person.

 

 

An average normal man may be lucky to get one woman actually respond back to his initial contact.

 

 

OLD works well for women and really good looking men over 6' tall with higher than average incomes. For Average Joes, OLD is often a waste of time and bandwidth. It's not that they're bad guys or unworthy, it's that they get lost in the crowd while the women are trying to vet out the masses looking for that perfect match.

 

 

The time and energy that an Average Joe would waste on OLD would be better spent in the gym and polishing up his wardrobe and styling and working on his social and interpersonal skills and developing his social circle.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have been single most of my life. I am currently "not single" by definition because I gave into what society expects of me. I couldn't take being constantly looked at as if there is something "wrong" with me. Security of having someone is "nice". I just wish there was a shot in hell I could really feel something.