How did I let this happen? OW

[Omotenashi]

So, please let me preface this by saying, I have never in a bazilion years done anything like this before. In fact, I have disliked and not understood people that did - my Ex-H cheated on me and it was horrible....

 

Yet here I find myself, with the tables turned and suddenly I have a whole lot more compassion of the "Other".

 

Long story so I'll try to condense.....

 

My kids are attending Martial Arts training once a week. The instructor happens to be my ex-boyfriend's best friend. Probably a bad choice right there I guess.

 

My kids have been attending for about 4 months now and it's been great. The lessons have been held at the local hall so it's been fine. I may have dressed up *slightly* in the event that the ex would also be at training, but nothing extreme. I've always had a friendly relationship with their trainer - I'll just call him Bob.

 

Well 2 weeks ago Bob set up a home gym. So training was moved from the hall to his house. The first week his wife came out to say hi and we hit it off instantly. We pretty much became besties on the spot. So for training this week so bought wine and said we could have a drink while her husband trained my kids. All good.

 

Training finished, and we finished the wine. Out came another bottle, and then Bob came to join us and chugged down a few beers. It was decided that my children would get collected by their father (who lived 5 mins away) and the wife and I would finish off our wine. (Yes I know - parent of the year award coming my way.)

 

All was great. It was actually a brilliant night. The three of us got along so well and had so many laughs. My ex was bought up, and we had a big deep and meaningful about him. The wife then quietly confessed to me that she had slept with him recently at her party (2 months ago). I was so shocked, but whatevs! Anyways, she ended up passing out on the couch.... and I'm sure you can guess the rest of the story....

 

We went outside to continue drinking, then I challenged him to a fight (yeah, cos a Mum who has watched like 15 lessons can totally take on a black belt! IDIOT!) Anyways we start to wrestle and yep, next thing I know he was grabbing me and kissing me. I was drunk, very drunk, he was drunk, very drunk. But it still happened. I totally own that. The rest of the details are very hazy..... but in short we ****ed on the gravel path, on his training mats and in the garden shed.

 

I woke up the next morning with no underwear on, and no f***ing idea where it was. I had a quick scout around but was pretty much still wasted. I left a note in his work boots telling him I couldnt find my underwear (So lame!) and left.

 

And now I'm filled with SO MUCH GUILT! I just dont know what to do from here!

 

Do I tell her, and ruin the friendship? Withdraw my kids from training and never see them again?

 

Do I shut my mouth, chalk it up to a bad experience and vow to never repeat it and just go on with life as normal?

 

She's been messaging me non stop, laughing over all the little incidences from the night - excitedly planning our next big night. So I can only assume that he hasnt told her.

 

I guess I'm looking for advice. I know no one can really tell me what to do - but perhaps people whom have been in similar situations.

 

One of my best friends in the entire world was the OW for a long time, and I have no intention of repeating what she went through.

 

I know there will be some that read and judge, and it's totally cool - honestly nothing could compare to the way I'm feeling right now.

 

Thanks!

[SoleMate]

Job #1 is to stay away from that sort of situation, with these people or anyone else.

 

I don't really see the need to tell the wife....especially since she takes her vows as lightly as her H does.

 

No need to pull your kids out of training, but I'd pull way back from friendship with this couple. Because, it's dangerous to you.

 

Chalk it up to experience, watch the drinking, forgive yourself and move on, that's my advice for you.

 

Oh, and see a doctor for emergency birth control and STD screen as needed.

[SammySammy]

I don't have any advice and definitely no judgments, but I have a sneaking feeling that they planned to seduce you. I think the wife knows and facilitated it all along.

[Omotenashi]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Really appreciate it.

 

Took the morning after pill this morning and have a Dr's appt tomorrow.

 

Good advice.

 

Really MidKnightDreams?! Wow that's full on! Really glad I'm already busy on the night of their big Halloween party now!

[sandylee1]

I don't have any advice and definitely no judgments, but I have a sneaking feeling that they planned to seduce you. I think the wife knows and facilitated it all along.

 

You could have a point here. I mean would he really take the risk of doing it in his own house, while his wife was there? I know alcohol was involved, but still.

 

Did she really need to tell you she slept with your Ex as well. I wonder if it was so that you didn't feel so bad about what was going to happen.

 

Maybe she gave him a free pass after she cheated and you were it.

 

I think you should stay away from them. Withdraw your kids from the martial arts and block their phone numbers.

[Grapesofwrath]

It may sound strange, but I agree with MidKnight Dreams that this may have been a team effort.

 

I had a similar experience: My son is on a baseball team and one of the families invited everyone over after a game for a pool party. The wife suggested that I spend the night, with my boys, so I wouldn't have to drive home late and I could "have a little wine." I agreed, my boys were excited for a sleepover, and the party continued. After the other guests left, I helped her clean up, and then she quickly excused herself, said goodnight, and went to her room.

 

I was left in the kitchen with her husband. He had been drinking, and it took about 2 minutes for him to grab me and try to kiss me. I was not interested, and told him so, then excused myself to go to my room. He then entered the room without knocking, and grabbed my backside, etc. I again told him I wasn't interested, and he left. This time I locked the door. Five minutes later, he was back, unlocked the door, and in the room again. I threatened to scream if he didn't leave me alone, so he left. Mind you, this entire time his wife was in their bedroom down the hall and the boys were all asleep in a bedroom across the hall. That's a rather huge risk to take if the wife isn't on board with the plan.

 

The next day he emailed me a couple times and I reiterated that I was not interested. He left me alone after that.

 

I do not believe this was the act of a drunken married guy who just couldn't resist himself. I believe it was a coordinated attempt to get him into bed with me, and she's okay with that. Who knows why.

 

I still have to see them at baseball events. My son loves his team and it's an elite squad. I don't want to ruin it for him. I am not friendly with these parents, however, nor am I hostile. I do not drink with them (they love to drink) and I just generally keep my distance. I'd suggest you do something similar.

 

Given the fact that she slept with your ex and told you about it in that laissez-faire way, i think it's reasonable to guess they have an "open" marriage and they wanted you to be part of that. Be careful. Next time they might ask you for a threesome. I'm not kidding.

[yodelwithyu]

Given the fact that she slept with your ex and told you about it in that laissez-faire way, i think it's reasonable to guess they have an "open" marriage and they wanted you to be part of that. Be careful. Next time they might ask you for a threesome. I'm not kidding.

 

 

THIS. x 100.

 

I had started reading your thread and wanted to write exactly those two things but had left a wifi zone. But Grapes said it much better.

Edited October 21, 2015 by yodelwithyu
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[lemondrop21]

This is a really bizarre, messy situation and unless you're actually interested in a purely sexual thing where you're adding spice to their marriage as they're trying to make it an open one (who knows how that will work out by the way) I think you should step away from it. If they really want to go down that road and it's a purely physical thing then they should get to know a stranger on the internet for this purpose, not drag in someone they have to interact with regularly.

 

I wouldn't say you are now the "other woman" in the way that's commonly referred to on this board; you were a one night stand. Count yourself lucky and don't let it progress further, just read this board to see how terrible it is to be the other woman once emotions get involved. Best of luck!

[Popsicle]

Wait a minute...

 

The wife of this MM you slept with slept with your ex-boyfriend a couple of months ago?????

[Popsicle]

Withdraw your kids from these lessons and never speak to these people again!

[Lady2163]

If it's really bothering you, I would ask the man point blank if they have an open marriage or if they are swingers.

 

It does sound like it was a seduction. Which, if they have an open marriage, it is kind of lousy they didn't just tell you up front. But maybe the husband still wanted the pursuit and capture thrill.

 

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

 

Good friends that you connect with and enjoy are hard to find. If things are open with them, after you talk to the husband, talk to the wife (if she already knows). If you're interested in casual, open sex, then dive right in. What happens amongst consenting adults (3 in this case) should be fun!