Husband went to a strip club and lied about it

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Is the OP really getting accused of being controlling and reactionary just cause she doesn't want her husband to allow some trollop to rub her crotch all over his face for handfuls of dollar bills and then lie to her about it?

 

No, she is getting questioned and accused based off the words in her posts. Go back and read them, they have been quoted several times

 

But the common theme amongst dang near every poster is that he indeed acted like a jackass to her that night. There really isn't that much argument against that fact. Some just see hints of trust issues in the relationship based off of her posts. She never responded to trust issues when questioned.

 

She knows when and where he is at all times. She has reiterated this throughout several different posts. Does that not strike you as odd? Even though she claims its of his own volition, its still kind of hard to imagine living that way for a lot of people. I would even venture to say a majority of people. Therefore it's more then reasonable to question her trust and bring up words like controlling and suffocating.

 

However I personally think this is probably more of a one off instance where her husband acted out of character and crossed a boundary (the strip club) that was admittedly never defined by the OP. If this is the first time he has acted out of character like this as she states, then overreacting and going off on an emotional tangent isn't going to be her best course of action for this situation. Have a talk with him, set that boundary firm in place, and move on with life.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah, she's really crazy

 

Come on Autumn, that not what I said.

 

My wife spent a year working in Asia and facetime, text and phone calls were our main link. On the rare occasion (according to the OP, first time in 16 years) we missed a scheduled connection, especially if it was night for her, I assumed she either fell asleep, found something better to do or was all talked out for the day. And so we touched base the next day, problem solved...

 

Mr. Lucky

[autumnnight]

Come on Autumn, that not what I said.

 

My wife spent a year working in Asia and facetime, text and phone calls were our main link. On the rare occasion (according to the OP, first time in 16 years) we missed a scheduled connection, especially if it was night for her, I assumed she either fell asleep, found something better to do or was all talked out for the day. And so we touched base the next day, problem solved...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

The difference here is that it was like saying "I'm on my way home from Wal Mart" and then an hour later he still isn't home.

 

If I text my SO at 9:30 and never hear, I assume they fell asleep. If they say, "I'm headed home and will call you in 10," then an hour later I'm going to be wondering what happened. I won't get all mad - my default would be to think "car wreck."

[autumnnight]

No, she is getting questioned and accused based off the words in her posts. Go back and read them, they have been quoted several times

 

But the common theme amongst dang near every poster is that he indeed acted like a jackass to her that night. There really isn't that much argument against that fact. Some just see hints of trust issues in the relationship based off of her posts. She never responded to trust issues when questioned.

 

She knows when and where he is at all times. She has reiterated this throughout several different posts. Does that not strike you as odd? Even though she claims its of his own volition, its still kind of hard to imagine living that way for a lot of people. I would even venture to say a majority of people. Therefore it's more then reasonable to question her trust and bring up words like controlling and suffocating.

 

However I personally think this is probably more of a one off instance where her husband acted out of character and crossed a boundary (the strip club) that was admittedly never defined by the OP. If this is the first time he has acted out of character like this as she states, then overreacting and going off on an emotional tangent isn't going to be her best course of action for this situation. Have a talk with him, set that boundary firm in place, and move on with life.

 

I could by this is the majority of posting was about his jerkiness. It isn't. It is more like, "Well, he shouldn't have lied... BUT" followed by paragraphs dissecting the OP's sanity, trust, marriage, psyche, etc.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Anytime a spouse does something behind their spouses back and then lies about it is not only wrong....but they obviously know it is wrong or they would not have lied about.

 

If you want to go to a strip club...and you discuss it ahead of time...you might be surprised how many spouses may say fine...I will go with you.

 

In this story....the husband is at fault...regardless of any circumstances surrounding it.

 

He lied....he was covering it up...which means..he was guilty by his own admission.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I could by this is the majority of posting was about his jerkiness. It isn't. It is more like, "Well, he shouldn't have lied... BUT" followed by paragraphs dissecting the OP's sanity, trust, marriage, psyche, etc.

 

No, common theme regardless of what side of the argument you are on is what I meant. There have been extremes on both ends here. From one lady saying make him get an STD test, to another trying to make a point that he could have been face timing her then going out every night after all this time and she should now question EVERYTHING he has ever done. It has not all been one sided, and people are projecting their own emotions into her situation from both ends. Making false blanket statements about men like that porn post you just made.

 

1 time out of character night in 16 years. Crossed an undefined boundary. And some people are calling for his head. Others are making probably unfounded claims of her being controlling. If THIS is the worst they have been through in 16 years together, I envy them. Talk it out, set new boundaries and move on. water under the bridge.

[Got it]

Got it, have always considered you to be fairly measured and reasonable in your approach .

 

You don't consider this level of frantic anxiety after an hour of no check-in to be over the top? He's not crossing the Atlantic solo on a raft, he's out to dinner with friends somewhere in the Heartland...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Usually yes. But I am also very fiery!

 

No I get that, it isn't that he didn't communicate but it was that he was knowingly ignoring communication (damn imessage!), so saw her getting worked up but continued to fuel that fire. (sidetracking a bit) I find that interesting and wondering at least subconsciously if there is a reason why he did that. Most reasonable behavior, when one witnesses someone getting worked up, is to calm it down. So maybe he wanted her to get upset on it? Not sure why but seems interesting.

 

So putting myself in her shoes, and I know he is ignoring me, I have the GPS information (which that is not something I would have thought to have done or would do unless I had reasons to be concerned) but having his whereabouts known nonetheless, and to still be ignored while knowing he is at a strip club or somewhere he could easily prioritize talking to me, yes I would be upset. So it wasn't just that he was silent, that probably would have been less alarming. It was the knowledge of the GPS, etc. that amplified things. And not getting a head's up about a strip club, or going to a strip club, can be a major deal for many couples. I know it is a world's of difference if my husband I have discussed prior and so I have had the ability to have some say in it than finding out after the fact.

 

What started as a routine business trip dinner became so much more than it needed to. The guy could have done many things to mitigate the issue. Some saying that he knew she would be upset so that is why he avoid is an asinine and illogical response. She was already upset. Not communicating was only adding fuel to the fire.

 

If he felt his wife was overstepping he could have communicated that. Avoiding or being passive aggressive does not help one's case.

 

So yes he definitely could have some level of argument about her ramping it to the level that it was, but he really loses ground when he was where he was and was knowingly ignoring her texts. So if her constant contact was an issue in the big picture, as I am not going to assume he found it to be an issue, than unfortunately it loses a lot of credence to bring it up now as there are so many errors on his end that it minimizes any legitimate complaints he may have.

 

So, for myself, due to my husband and I both having been involved in an affair, knowing the impact of slippery slopes, etc. this whole scenario has been a major talking points for our relationship. We are very conscious of how we can disregard and disrespect our SO, what level of transparency and authenticity we want in a relationship and because we each felt so alone in our past marriages, being fully integrated is a major deal for both of us. It isn't about wanting to control the other person, but it isn't about disrespecting them either. Crap happens, and things come up, but the husband really failed at any level of communicating effectively to mitigate things. Hopefully they are talking today and can get it straightened out.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hopefully they are talking today and can get it straightened out.

 

Agreed. And if the OP would be kind enough to let us know how that goes, might help understand the context of both parties original responses...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SammySammy]

When guys are hanging out, I don't know a single man who wants to be the guy on the phone calming down his wife. You don't want to be that guy.

 

So, ... some women get ignored. That really happens not matter what you think could have or should have happened. No matter how right or wrong or how logical the decision is.

 

smh

[Mr. Lucky]

The difference here is that it was like saying "I'm on my way home from Wal Mart" and then an hour later he still isn't home.

 

If I text my SO at 9:30 and never hear, I assume they fell asleep. If they say, "I'm headed home and will call you in 10," then an hour later I'm going to be wondering what happened. I won't get all mad - my default would be to think "car wreck."

 

I get it. If it were one of my teenagers that hadn't demonstrated a track record of responsibility, I'd be right there with you. But if it's my spouse with a multi-decade history of trust and dependability, I'm letting it go until the next morning. To each his own...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sandy43]

I doubt the OP will be back after how she was treated like a level 10 stalker, he is her freaking husband. He set up a time for a FT call and never showed, that does not make her a stalker or controlling for trying to contact him out of worry that makes him an a** for creating the situation in the first place. All he had to do was send her a message and let her know that he couldn't FT but he couldn't even give her that respect.

 

People are jumping to all kinds of conclusions here that he couldn't tell her he was going out with coworkers because she would freak. So how does anyone here know this? Does anyone know them personally? I find it very frustrating reading the posts on this thread, I can just imagine how the OP feels after coming here for support.

[autumnnight]

When guys are hanging out, I don't know a single man who wants to be the guy on the phone calming down his wife. You don't want to be that guy.

 

So, ... some women get ignored. That really happens not matter what you think could have or should have happened. No matter how right or wrong or how logical the decision is.

 

smh

 

I am going to assume you are single.

 

A married man who cared about his wife would never think this way.

[LuckyLady13]

I dated a (male) stripper in the past. Because of this, I have something I practice called common courtesy. You won't catch me in a strip club now because there's just no reason to cause insecurity or trust issues in my current relationship. Why would I want to do that? It makes no sense.

 

I did see quite a few men with mommy issues respond to this post. Rebelling at all costs (even the cost of their relationship or possibly marriage). It's such an ugly, immature personality trait. Declaring so vehemently "I'll do whatever I want and you can't tell me what to do!". I wonder if these boys stand with their hands on their hips, pursing their lips with their eyebrows pointed downward to show their protest?

 

I understand the original poster feeling upset, possibly even ashamed that her husband may have bent to peer pressure. A man stands on his own feet and doesn't break under simple peer pressure. Ouch!

 

Not answering texts or phone calls was beyond wrong but at the exact same time I do see how the original poster went well overboard. If someone doesn't respond to 1 text or 1 phone call, they aren't going to respond to 10. Repeatedly texting or calling is controlling because you're trying to force the other person to respond.

 

We expect to be treated better by our spouse or SO than we are treated by anyone else on the planet. And it's tough when they fail us. We start questioning who we are really with. Especially when they start lying. What else have they lied about? What will they lie about? Where's the line they won't cross? Is there a line they won't cross? Is this going to be a new behavior? In the OP's case, after 16 years, is this some new type of behavior that's going to continue? Or is this just a one-off?

 

Just as an FYI though for some people who responded to this thread, they don't say women mature faster than men for nothing. The rebellious boy response/attitude is so unattractive.

[autumnnight]

I doubt the OP will be back after how she was treated like a level 10 stalker, he is her freaking husband. He set up a time for a FT call and never showed, that does not make her a stalker or controlling for trying to contact him out of worry that makes him an a** for creating the situation in the first place. All he had to do was send her a message and let her know that he couldn't FT but he couldn't even give her that respect.

 

People are jumping to all kinds of conclusions here that he couldn't tell her he was going out with coworkers because she would freak. So how does anyone here know this? Does anyone know them personally? I find it very frustrating reading the posts on this thread, I can just imagine how the OP feels after coming here for support.

 

I'm telling ya, it all boils down to "protect the porn"....

[Got it]

When guys are hanging out, I don't know a single man who wants to be the guy on the phone calming down his wife. You don't want to be that guy.

 

So, ... some women get ignored. That really happens not matter what you think could have or should have happened. No matter how right or wrong or how logical the decision is.

 

smh

 

I keep scratching my head how you think you can answer for all guys. Since guys are all unique and run the gamut how on earth one person can be the authority to all.

 

And these weren't guys hanging out. First off we don't actually know if all guys, could have been mixed company. Second, these was a business meeting at least initially so not friends.

 

So not quite the same analogy as what you keep wanting to present. You may ignore the woman in your life, you may chafe at communication, you may chafe at any deference, etc. But that is you. No one can speak for everyone and no one on LS has any credentials, that I am aware of to be the leading subject expert on all things male, or female for that matter.

 

If I am wrong, and we actually have accredited experts in these fields please let me know and I will profusely apologize.

[SammySammy]

I keep scratching my head how you think you can answer for all guys. Since guys are all unique and run the gamut how on earth one person can be the authority to all.

 

And these weren't guys hanging out. First off we don't actually know if all guys, could have been mixed company. Second, these was a business meeting at least initially so not friends.

 

So not quite the same analogy as what you keep wanting to present. You may ignore the woman in your life, you may chafe at communication, you may chafe at any deference, etc. But that is you. No one can speak for everyone and no one on LS has any credentials, that I am aware of to be the leading subject expert on all things male, or female for that matter.

 

If I am wrong, and we actually have accredited experts in these fields please let me know and I will profusely apologize.

 

First of all, I'm quite sure I used the word "some" and I'm quite sure some doesn't mean all.

 

Secondly, I never proclaimed to be the expert on all things male or female.

 

Thirdly, I've been out with groups of men - married or not - and there always seems to be one guy who can't get off the phone with his wife or girlfriend. I've seen men, in group situations like, tease this guy ... tell him to get off the phone ... or even take his phone from him until they leave. Now, I may be the only person in the world who has seen this happen, but I stand by what I said. Some women get ignored by some men when they are out with their friends.

 

Lastly, friends, co-workers, hanging out, business meetings ... who cares what label I used? They were out together and a woman got ignored. Something you people are trying to tell me doesn't happen. When it did happen. And is going to continue to happen the world over.

 

Trying to nitpick my words doesn't make my basic premise invalid. Some men ignore some women sometimes and there's a reason (right or wrong) for doing it. Instead of just trying to blame the man (though he may be wrong for ignoring her) it may be helpful to consider his point of view when trying to find a solution to this situation.

 

Can you figure that out what I'm saying now?

[Sandy43]

I know a man very similar to the OPs husband from work. His wife is in constant contact with him via text/phone/FaceTime it's kinda a running joke around the office. If he does not respond to a text she becomes upset, she also tracks his movements on friend finder. If he is not in a local that she is aware of she will FaceTime him to check out why. He goes along with all of this. He calmly replies to her frantic messages, it occurs so much we all know.

 

He refers to it as his leash. It's embarrassing to him but he knows to keep her happy he must comply.

 

I don't know if this is the case with the OP but just because he complies does not mean he likes it.

 

How can you possibly say you know a man like the OP's husband? Do you know him? Again with assumptions the only thing she said is that they communicate often when he is travelling for work. At no point did the op say she demands that he call her x number of times a day or that she tracks everywhere he goes on his phone.

 

I suggest you read all of the op's posts before you make anymore assumptions.

[Redheaded Mistress]

Don't place this all on men. Look at the numbers, sex sells to BOTH sexes.

 

What does that even mean? So sex sells to both sexes. How does that have anything to do with their marital dynamic? While I agree she went a bit to the out-of-control side with how she contacted him and puts faaaar too much at his doorstep in terms of resolving her personal loneliness, that doesn't mean that because she's upset she's wrong, and it doesn't mean that the people who're telling her to "lighten up" aren't coming from a place that states there's nothing wrong with porn/strip clubs and the feeling she needs to get over it.

 

You're no more qualified to be the standard bearer for "all men" than she is.

 

Be it porn, or strip clubs and strippers, magic Mike, and thunder down under. All those vibrators you gals use and your only ever thinking of your spouses huh? Cause I'm not buying that for a second! And I would also argue most men wouldn't give a flip if their wife had a GNO at a strip club, or a crazy bachelorette party with hired male strippers. I know I wouldn't care and ENCOURAGE her to go out with her girlfriends more. I don't need to know her every action while out either, because I trust her.

 

"You gals?" Didn't you just get your nose tweaked over her stating something that you felt took liberties in speaking for all men?

 

For the record, I don't watch porn, I don't go to strip clubs. I didn't watch Magic Mike and I don't watch Thunder Down Under. The vibrator I use with my husband and any itch I scratch myself because he's not available doesn't involve picturing anybody or anything but my husband (if I'm thinking of anything at all). Buy it or not, but that's the truth.

 

Also for the record, my husband doesn't care if I have girls night out, though I rarely (as in never) do, but he would care very much if I went to a strip club or went to a bachelorette party with strippers, male or female. First off, I'm not into them and neither is he, me because they make me uncomfortable and him because he believes it's immoral to patronize that sort of thing. So if I was at one? Yeah, my husband would have a question or two and would be really upset because it's against our dynamic in our marriage and because that behavior would be so completely out of left field for me, he'd think something was really, really wrong.

 

Secondly, if I went anywhere that ended up at a strip club or with strippers, male or female, guess which party pooper is sitting in the car, texting her husband, saying we are at a strip club/party with strippers and I left? This girl. Not because he doesn't trust me or I don't trust him, but because this is something that is so not a situation I'd ever find myself in so if I did find myself in it, I'd reach right the heck out and tell him. Because if he found out any other way, he'd be upset because that isn't my normal behavior. Because if he found out any other way, he wouldn't trust me like he does now. Because we both understood that this is something we just don't do.

 

So I get that doing this sort of stuff is no big deal for other couples, but clearly for her and her relationship, both being at the club and lying about it are way not Ok. I suspect he knew as much otherwise he would have said "talk later, at a strip club" as opposed to the protracted song-and-dance of "I'm not there, I'm not there, I wasn't there, I wasn't there, I was but it wasn't what you think." Saying somehow she's not being a good sport over her husband ignoring her while he goes to a strip club is a bit out there. She's telling you it's a problem. She's telling her, and him, this action is something that ruins their marriage. Instead of saying "no it's not," maybe let's listen to the girl and tell her how to make sure her marriage isn't sailing off a cliff to a chorus of "it's not a big deal."

[autumnnight]

How can you possibly say you know a man like the OP's husband? Do you know him? Again with assumptions the only thing she said is that they communicate often when he is travelling for work. At no point did the op say she demands that he call her x number of times a day or that she tracks everywhere he goes on his phone.

 

I suggest you read all of the op's posts before you make anymore assumptions.

 

It's funny. For a brief time my ex had to travel to conferences and such for work. We stayed in touch all the time too....because HE called and texted ME as much as I did him.

 

The assumption is that this poor man breathes a sigh of relief whenever he can get out of town and just groans every time it's "check-in time"....that he is quaking with fear that she will castrate him if she finds out he went to a strip club.

 

We NEVER go staight to these assumptions when it is men. In fact, in a recent thread where a woman was drunk and flirting with someone, the man received advice to hire a PI, tell her how it's gonna be, and put a VAR in her car....

[anna121]

First of all, I'm quite sure I used the word "some" and I'm quite sure some doesn't mean all.

 

Secondly, I never proclaimed to be the expert on all things male or female.

 

Thirdly, I've been out with groups of men - married or not - and there always seems to be one guy who can't get off the phone with his wife or girlfriend.

 

Come on. All the husband here would have needed to do to avoid the label of inconsiderate jerk is send is one text.

 

Everyone is on their smartphones 24-7. Unless you're taking an actual call, nobody knows if you're checking your stock options or your twitter notifications or email or sending a text. Period.

[Redheaded Mistress]

The read receipt said he read the text. He was not so tied up to read it.

 

I have an iPhone. Click reply, write "tied up, call later" takes five seconds. It dare say it took longer for him to read the barrage of texts and ignore it than it would have to just write the above.

 

If their dynamic says this is unusual behavior, she has a right to ask some questions. She has a right to ask more when she catches him a lie. Still more when he finally admits he lied.

[SJS]

I'm not sure how he could have been enjoying himself if he was aware of his phone going off. I know when I'm out and it starts happening and I ignore it, it affects my mood. Even if he was laughing with the guys, inside he had to be thinking "well crap"...

Hopefully OP comes back after he gets home.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

What does that even mean? So sex sells to both sexes. How does that have anything to do with their marital dynamic? While I agree she went a bit to the out-of-control side with how she contacted him and puts faaaar too much at his doorstep in terms of resolving her personal loneliness, that doesn't mean that because she's upset she's wrong, and it doesn't mean that the people who're telling her to "lighten up" aren't coming from a place that states there's nothing wrong with porn/strip clubs and the feeling she needs to get over it.

 

You're no more qualified to be the standard bearer for "all men" than she is.

 

 

 

"You gals?" Didn't you just get your nose tweaked over her stating something that you felt took liberties in speaking for all men?

 

For the record, I don't watch porn, I don't go to strip clubs. I didn't watch Magic Mike and I don't watch Thunder Down Under. The vibrator I use with my husband and any itch I scratch myself because he's not available doesn't involve picturing anybody or anything but my husband (if I'm thinking of anything at all). Buy it or not, but that's the truth.

 

Also for the record, my husband doesn't care if I have girls night out, though I rarely (as in never) do, but he would care very much if I went to a strip club or went to a bachelorette party with strippers, male or female. First off, I'm not into them and neither is he, me because they make me uncomfortable and him because he believes it's immoral to patronize that sort of thing. So if I was at one? Yeah, my husband would have a question or two and would be really upset because it's against our dynamic in our marriage and because that behavior would be so completely out of left field for me, he'd think something was really, really wrong.

 

Secondly, if I went anywhere that ended up at a strip club or with strippers, male or female, guess which party pooper is sitting in the car, texting her husband, saying we are at a strip club/party with strippers and I left? This girl. Not because he doesn't trust me or I don't trust him, but because this is something that is so not a situation I'd ever find myself in so if I did find myself in it, I'd reach right the heck out and tell him. Because if he found out any other way, he'd be upset because that isn't my normal behavior. Because if he found out any other way, he wouldn't trust me like he does now. Because we both understood that this is something we just don't do.

 

So I get that doing this sort of stuff is no big deal for other couples, but clearly for her and her relationship, both being at the club and lying about it are way not Ok. I suspect he knew as much otherwise he would have said "talk later, at a strip club" as opposed to the protracted song-and-dance of "I'm not there, I'm not there, I wasn't there, I wasn't there, I was but it wasn't what you think." Saying somehow she's not being a good sport over her husband ignoring her while he goes to a strip club is a bit out there. She's telling you it's a problem. She's telling her, and him, this action is something that ruins their marriage. Instead of saying "no it's not," maybe let's listen to the girl and tell her how to make sure her marriage isn't sailing off a cliff to a chorus of "it's not a big deal."

 

 

You and autumn both missed the point of that post. She made a blanket statement that porn, strip clubs, practically any form of fantasizing over the opposite sex is a man's problem. And the tone of her post suggested she believes women are above such things. I have much respect for autumn, but that was a blanket statement against men in general and I called her out for it. Probably without much tact lol, sorry about that, but come on! Your post just helped prove the point of my response (which I obviously failed to get across). Your husband finds it a sign of disrespect, as do millions of men around the world. And millions of women are OK with and watch porn, and going to clubs and all that other stuff I mentioned. And I have no issue with his or yours or autumn's personal stance on really any subject. To each his own, live and let live and all that. Just like I have no issue with the OP's constant contact with one another. 16 years, and THIS is her first post... They must be doing something right. But frankly, I do have a problem with BS blanket statements and insults thrown out in regards to gender or race. And yes, it is hard for me to not call people out on it without being a sarcastic jerk, or straight up a-hole. I know myself like that. Do feel free to return the favour if you feel I speak out of line BTW. I won't hold a grudge

[Qboro90]

While some people might view strip clubs and adult entertainment bars as no big deal, especially if they know and trust their husband, I also think it's important to acknowledge that the OP in this specific relationship has been conditioned to think a certain way due to the standards her husband set during the course of their dating then marriage.

 

If early on in the relationship he went out with his buddies or colleagues once after 6 months of being too busy, and she's texting, calling, worrying sick about his well being... If he would've confronted/maturely faced her with the stance "you're not my mother, I tell you the truth about who I'm with and what my plans are, if you need to check in and see proof of my whereabouts then this isn't going to work. I love you, and I'm never going to disrespect or hurt you so when I don't answer or get back to you for a couple hours... It doesn't mean I'm in a ditch somewhere bleeding out."

 

The OP explains that she was worried about his well being after not hearing back from him, etc. Anyonr else see that as odd? That she's that quick to jump to the worst case scenario. Meanwhile her husband is 44yo and a grown man.

Simple case of a 44yo having the same instinct as a 17 year old when his mom is calling him because he's out past curfew. "Don't answer, enjoy the night... Deal with the consequences when you walk in the front door or the next morning"

 

There's no deeper meaning on the husbands part.

[Hopeful714]

No, I don't find it odd.

 

Yes I think this guy just went with flow of the evening and figured he'd deal with it later, but no it's not odd she worried. If I was typically in constant contact with someone for 16 yrs and they all of a sudden dropped communications, I'd be concerned too. He did say they would ft later...and because she is used to him keeping his word, when he didn't, there was concern.

 

Interesting thread with many views that either create what I consider a healthy RS, or not.

 

The trust argument blew my mind. Trust IS earned, not given. Unless I have reason to trust someone, I'm not going to. To trust without reason, or because someone tells you to is foolish. I may enter a relationship in hopes of trusting my partner, but until they prove themselves that they can be trusted, the trust won't be there. To trust blindly is to be an idiot who will surely be taken advantage of and burned. Isn't this taught in preschool?

 

Congrats to the men "who got" this woman's concerns and understand the lack of respect involved with ignoring her calls. I hope I meet a man of your caliper.

 

Boos to the others who fluffed this off as the woman is a nag. We don't really know this for sure. Constant communication does not a nag make, unless it's demanded and the op did not present that way. Maybe they are just close..best friends..as well as man and wife. I see nothing wrong with that type of relationship and would consider it a healthy one if that is how it is.