enchanted771 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 months. The last 1 1/2 months I have been feeling a bit low and insecure. Things have been going kind of sour lately. I used to have a lot of confidence and now it seems I have none. When I was totally confident he didn't dare look at another girl. Now it seems he has the wandering eye. I don't know if this is just how the male species works or if my confidence have made him start to behave this way. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 "The male species" is not a unified being. We are all different and individual. Yes, if a woman is lacking in confidence it can cause loss of attraction which can cause interest to be drawn elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 It's has to do with the negativity or "having the blues" . No one is attracted to a depressed person, people are attracted to positive up beat fun to be with persons. You are being a Debbie downer. .....that is what is turning him off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 It's has to do with the negativity or "having the blues" . No one is attracted to a depressed person, people are attracted to positive up beat fun to be with persons. You are being a Debbie downer. .....that is what is turning him off. I agree completely. For me confidence is extremely sexy, I wouldn't want to continually reassure someone it's way to much work. If you have to fake it for a bit until you regain what's missing do that and gauge the results. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 IMO, attraction to confidence and a wandering eye are separate issues. One is a perception and resultant feelings and the other is a choice. One suggestion would be to work your current 'feeling low' issues as a team. That's part of the team advantage and a benefit of a healthy relationship. No one is 'up' their entire lives. We're all a mixed bag of stuff. Relationships, healthy ones, respect that and each partner supports the other in a balanced manner. If things are unbalanced and irreconcilable, move on. You can address your current lack of confidence alone without dealing with his wandering eye. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 OP, what came first; your low period followed by your BF's wandering eye or the other way around? Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Having a "wondering" eye while in a relationship is a respect issue on his part. If your lack of confidence is a deal breaker for him, he should break up, not look at other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Chances are that his interest shifted slightly triggering the insecurity which caused his interest to drop even more - it is a vicious cycle, but which came first, the chicken or the egg? I bet HIS was the first move that started this cycle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I don't think it was a matter of you becoming insecure that 'caused' him to act like a classless pig. And even if it were true, who wants to be with someone who basically bails on you the SECOND you have a bit of a rough patch? I think what really happened is that he was on his BEST behavior the first couple of months, like most people are. You just weren't seeing the real him, is all. Then, he eventually got comfortable enough to start being who he really is - a jerk who hasn't learned how to respect the woman he's with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I don't think it was a matter of you becoming insecure that 'caused' him to act like a classless pig. And even if it were true, who wants to be with someone who basically bails on you the SECOND you have a bit of a rough patch? I think what really happened is that he was on his BEST behavior the first couple of months, like most people are. You just weren't seeing the real him, is all. Then, he eventually got comfortable enough to start being who he really is - a jerk who hasn't learned how to respect the woman he's with. Agree - and especially the first paragraph,,, gee, imagine finding a partner who will actually fight for you to make the relationship work despite whatever temporary difficulties might come?? I imagine it would feel very reassuring to have a partner like that? i say 'imagine' because i am 43, and havn't seen it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Are you feeling low and insecure because of something he is saying/doing that makes you feel hes not considering you? I wouldn't agree with other posters than no one will be with someone who is depressed. I know many wonderful people afflicted with a chemical inbalance that causes random periods of depression but they are loved none the less. I dont think it is so much confidence as confidence takes many forms and isn't always visible. If people mean confidence is being extrovert, upbeat all the time, positive etc then i have a different understanding of confidence. i think what is hugely attractive is autonomy; where you keep doing your own thing and can't be manipulated by others. That is a strength that should always be kept up but its unfair and untrue to say people will be turned off by someone who is on a downer, not feeling the best about themselves, a bit unsure. That kind of thing waxes and wanes. But always keep your autonomy if you can no matter how you are feeling. That is the ultimate in sexy Link to post Share on other sites
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