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Texting/talking with a man that barely mentions his wife..

MsHopeful0208201689

By MsHopeful0208201689,
in The Other Man / Woman

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MightyPen

MightyPen

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We have all been in the same place and I have introduced him to my partner. I've told my partner everything and he feels the dude wants to get into my pants or at the very least wants more than a platonic friendship.. There's been times the guy would invite to an event and later to find out his wife was there and he never introduced us nor tell me she was in the vicinity. He's into different things around my city and I messaged him to ask him about some events and that's when he friended me and started to message me everyday.. It was kinda strange

 

Well it sounds like you've handled this pretty well and tried to establish a "normal" friendship but the guy just wants one-on-one time with you sans his wife and sans your guy.

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Grapesofwrath

Grapesofwrath

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This is not a friendship. This is a flirtation. In friendships, one meets the spouse/partner/family, etc. One visits the other's home, or at least shraes a meal or meets for a drink occasionally, etc. Especially if one has been friends for 2 years. He is deliberately avoiding that because it would mess with the sexual tension of your flirtation. This is also why he doesn't introduce you to his wife, even when you are at the same place. (Also, possibly because he has cheated before and her radar is on high alert, so she would know his intentions immediately.)

 

Good for you for being transparent with your partner. That's important.

 

He may or may not have the goal of a PA, but that doesn't matter. He keeps you in his life because he enjoys the attention and the flirtation. It gratifies his need for ego strokes. Don't be fodder for that.

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StBreton

StBreton

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We were complete strangers. That's when he started to take an interest in me. Contact me everyday. Without mention of his wife. Some months down the road I found out he was married because I had to ask him

 

Uh...maybe it's the new generation ...but if a strange guy contacted me ... And he didn't divulge until "months down the road" that he was married ... he's REALLY just contacting me wondering if I can help him with a gift for his daughter ...or help him pick out a puppy ...ya that

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StBreton

StBreton

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My older female friend says it sounds like he says some kind of obsession with me and I should RUN!

 

You're friend has good "graydar"

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lemondrop21

lemondrop21

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If you're only in contact a few times a month then this can't be that important to you or to him. It doesn't really matter "what it is" if it's stayed so cool for awhile. I admit I do this with a couple of my exes... Texting them when I'm bored, but not really interested in anything aside from a chat.

 

Any chance you're in a bit of a rut right now, or bored, and just getting curious about his level of interest in you because it's flattering? It's great when someone thinks you're all that and a bag of chips. Unfortunately it sounds like he's not even at that level (actually, count yourself lucky). Go find someone who is :). Good luck.

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Betrayed&Stayed

Betrayed&Stayed

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We were complete strangers. That's when he started to take an interest in me. Contact me everyday. Without mention of his wife. Some months down the road I found out he was married because I had to ask him

 

That is just creepy! A middle-aged man sending cold-call friend requests to girls on Facebook.

 

He doesn't mentioned his wife because I'm sure she would not approve of such inappropriate behavior if she knew about it. No, you will never meet her.

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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If you're only in contact a few times a month then this can't be that important to you or to him. It doesn't really matter "what it is" if it's stayed so cool for awhile. I admit I do this with a couple of my exes... Texting them when I'm bored, but not really interested in anything aside from a chat.

 

Any chance you're in a bit of a rut right now, or bored, and just getting curious about his level of interest in you because it's flattering? It's great when someone thinks you're all that and a bag of chips. Unfortunately it sounds like he's not even at that level (actually, count yourself lucky). Go find someone who is :). Good luck.

 

It's more than a few times a month. He's said a lot of questionable so obviously I fascinate him in some way but it's either here nor there because I haven't been asked to meet the wife and family so it's a big red flag for me at this point and it shows me friendship isn't the intention and I should just move forward..

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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If you're only in contact a few times a month then this can't be that important to you or to him. It doesn't really matter "what it is" if it's stayed so cool for awhile. I admit I do this with a couple of my exes... Texting them when I'm bored, but not really interested in anything aside from a chat.

 

Any chance you're in a bit of a rut right now, or bored, and just getting curious about his level of interest in you because it's flattering? It's great when someone thinks you're all that and a bag of chips. Unfortunately it sounds like he's not even at that level (actually, count yourself lucky). Go find someone who is :). Good luck.

 

And when I haven't contacted him in a week or two, he's wondered what's wrong

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StBreton

StBreton

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And when I haven't contacted him in a week or two, he's wondered what's wrong

 

Tell him his wife is on the other line

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sandylee1

sandylee1

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I tell you, this generation and Facebook..it's crazy. I know someone who married a guy she met on FB. I'm sure I would have had way too many boyfriends (or hook ups ) if social media was around in my twenties. I don't accept friend requests unless I know the person.

 

OP - he likes having a young pretty friend, but I think you should cut him off. Even if he introduces you to his wife - she won't like how the friendship started. If my H who's mid forties befriended a woman like this, he'd have a few questions to answer.

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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Tell him his wife is on the other line

 

Lol.. Good one.

 

It's funny you say.. Because he doesn't know but I know where his wife works and who she is & I've thought about introducing myself since he won't but I don't wanna cause any unnecessary drama.

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S2B

S2B

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And when I haven't contacted him in a week or two, he's wondered what's wrong

 

Because he wants his ego stroke from you.

 

He sounds creepy. What's in it for you? Does he send you money? Has he ever asked for pictures?

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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You have a boyfriend, right? I'm trying to understand what you are getting out of this more than what the older married guy is. Your bf has already told you how he feels about it. Put yourself in his shoes, would you mind if he flirted and texted with an older married woman? My guess is it would hurt your feelings and make you wonder why he is getting to know another woman rather than just focusing on you.

 

Your username, are you hoping this older guy wants more?

 

Focus on friendships with women, not married men. This is going no where fast and you'll end up hurt as well as possibly losing your bf.

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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Because he wants his ego stroke from you.

 

He sounds creepy. What's in it for you? Does he send you money? Has he ever asked for pictures?

 

Nope, never asked for pictures but has mentioned helping with money/bills. I'm starting to see he is probably just talking to try and keep me around so it's best I just go NC because it's a waste of time and energy

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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You have a boyfriend, right? I'm trying to understand what you are getting out of this more than what the older married guy is. Your bf has already told you how he feels about it. Put yourself in his shoes, would you mind if he flirted and texted with an older married woman? My guess is it would hurt your feelings and make you wonder why he is getting to know another woman rather than just focusing on you.

 

Your username, are you hoping this older guy wants more?

 

Focus on friendships with women, not married men. This is going no where fast and you'll end up hurt as well as possibly losing your bf.

 

I wasn't not hoping he wants more just more so curious about WHAT he wanted. I understand, my boyfriend wouldn't like it but we have are our share of issues and I knew the guy before my boyfriend so I didn't think much of.. But I plan to go NC & as you said focus on real friendships and if they are married be friends with both spouses. That's only right

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Michelle ma Belle

Michelle ma Belle

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You're probably just an escape. (I was for my xMM)

 

Not probably...you are an escape for him.

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S2B

S2B

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Nope, never asked for pictures but has mentioned helping with money/bills. I'm starting to see he is probably just talking to try and keep me around so it's best I just go NC because it's a waste of time and energy

 

Has he ever given you money? Paid for bills? Paid for anything?

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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Has he ever given you money? Paid for bills? Paid for anything?

 

No, but has said he'd be willing to help a time or two before... Haven't spoken with him in 3-4 days and don't think I will again. It's waste of my time and if I was going to choose keep entertaining this person I'd need some type of gain out of it in which I am not getting.

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MidwestUSA

MidwestUSA

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No, but has said he'd be willing to help a time or two before... Haven't spoken with him in 3-4 days and don't think I will again. It's waste of my time and if I was going to choose keep entertaining this person I'd need some type of gain out of it in which I am not getting.

 

"Need some type of gain"? Such as? Do you know how that sounds?

 

Maybe a double date between this man/his wife and you/your BF would help bring some clarity to the situation.

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chapter44

chapter44

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I think you know what the right thing to do is. He's married, has a family, you're in a relationship! This isn't rocket science.

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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"Need some type of gain"? Such as? Do you know how that sounds?

 

Maybe a double date between this man/his wife and you/your BF would help bring some clarity to the situation.

 

I agree & I've tried the double date thing... He kinda blew it off and said we would all get together then never mentioned it again..

 

AND the reason I said "need some type of gain" if I'd ever stoop to that level, I'd have to gain something out of it. NOT that I WOULD ever do it but just saying if I were the type to go down that road

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MsHopeful0208201689

MsHopeful0208201689

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I think you know what the right thing to do is. He's married, has a family, you're in a relationship! This isn't rocket science.

 

Of course, I know. If I don't meet the wife and family there is NO friendship. Period.

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