Feeling hurt...

[Kayaen42]

I posted on another forum recently about some issues with my son's father and how he has been treating me lately. It has all been really difficult and I'm trying my best to keep my head up about it all.

 

Anyway, my mother came to visit and has been staying for two weeks with my husband, son and I (she lives quite far away). I started to open up to her about something my son's father had done that was very boundary-impeding and having a very natural, emotional reaction... my mom completely dismissed it, told me to "suck it up" so that we could leave as we were planning on going shopping and taking my son out. She has been this way often about the situation and feels fine talking about the logistics of it, but will not let me connect with her on an emotional level and how it is hurting me.

 

I am hurt because my sisters both have the kind of relationship with her they open up and express themselves but for some odd reason with me, she has always shut me down before I could open up emotionally or diminished whatever was troubling me by comparing it to a more extreme situation she had heard of and then changing the subject. I started to tell her how sad I was that I had tried very hard to have a cordial relationship with my son's dad, forgave him for continuous cheating and for basically giving up my son and I in the past, etc and again, she dismissed it by comparing me to my sister and said "no one has tried harder than your sister."

 

I really have no idea what she meant by that, but perhaps the fact that she lets my sister speak to her about any divorce issues could be why she thinks this way.

 

She has compared me to my sister continuously, regards her as a Goddess when the truth is my sister has cheated on her now husband (before they were married, I am not sure about after) several times, even once while they were traveling together and we went out to which the next day my sister ranted about what a horrible person her husband's ex-wife was for cheating on him with his friend and is incredibly unsupportive of the relationship he has with his children. The only reason she was able to cheat on him this time is because she refused to stay in a hotel room with him and his son together, so he booked her a hotel across the city; this was not too long after he agreed to pay for her to quit her job and support her financially. They are wealthy and now also paying for my mom to quit her job, so this may be part of why my mom is so engrossed with my sister. I have had to keep this secret for years and it's really hard as I know my mom would completely change her perspective on her if she found out.

 

I feel like I have tried so hard to be a good daughter, be a kind person, forgive, and I still can't seem to have a real relationship with her. I feel like I want to give up. I don't understand why she doesn't appreciate me as a person and what I can give.

 

On the other hand, my mother in law recently expressed how much she was looking forward to having a kinship, a real relationship together and very much wants this from me. I had never realized how much I was concealing due to the fact that my mother has shut me down at the slightest emotional reaction to anything throughout my life and then dismisses my feelings. I am looking forward to having a mother figure in my life I can connect to (their entire family has been sooooo incredible and loving to me, I feel like one of their own). I'm just sad that my own mom doesn't let me open up.

 

I'm sad but also so blessed to be so happy in my marriage and have such wonderful in laws. I just wish things were different. My mom is a really loving grandmother and I am grateful for this and how at least this connects us. Any suggestions for how I can bring this up?

Edited October 22, 2015 by Kayaen42