? husband leave and back with condition.

[lovewhat]

My husband and I fight a lot, and thing has only getting worst. Every times I need to communicate with him, he will walk away and leave the house without telling me where he go and when he would be back. I think I am a good wife that I earn more money than he does and I share all my income with him. Beside that l cook for him everyday and prepare his lunch box too. When I tell him how tired I was after 8 hours work that I still have to cook for him a 3-4 courses meal everyday. Instead of giving me "Thank you", he would say "I did not ask you to cook. You don't have to cook for me". What cause him really leave is a "gift card from neighbor", since we are newly married our neighbor give us a gift card. I told him we have to give something nice to the neighbor in return, since the neighbor did not join the wedding due to location inconvenience. He told me " we don't have to give her anything". I was so disappoint by hearing how selfish he is. Therefore, I start talking louder about how important to keep good relationship with people and giving feedback. He can't stand it. He leave.

 

 

Then he come home, and I tell him to wash dished, but he just go to sleep instead. I was very up sad to be the only one care about everything in the house and provide every thing to our marriage. Therefore, I did not let him sleep and keep telling him I was angry. Then, he want to leave the house again, and I accidently scratch him while prevent him to leave. Also, he has kick me twice and push me to the walls several times during this fight. We had never fought this bad. I am not stronger like him, I fall down to the ground after he push my head to hit the corner. He leave. However, I still love him and want him to be back. Therefore, I keep texting him and he come back eventually. He said this is the last chance I have with him, if I try to teach him lesson, he will leave me and we are done.

 

 

I don't know what to react around him anymore. I need him to help around the house, yet he never know how to do things the right way. If I tell him, he did something wrong, he will leave me forever. If I don't tell him, I will be just more tired and end up doing everything myself. What should i do? how do I communicate with him? I feel he don't really care for me anymore, but he still come back after I nug at him. What should I do?

[d0nnivain]

You keep telling him what to do. You have yet to ask him what his views are. You say he doesn't know how to do anything around the house. I suspect when he pitches in, you don't like how he did something because you would have done it differently & you criticize him. His solution is to stop helping.

 

 

Neither of you is approaching things from the other's perspective.

 

 

As for the cooking, if he doesn't want 3 course meals every night & isn't appreciative of them stop making them. Make more simple 1 pot easy meals. Or cook a big dinner on your days off & eat left overs.

 

 

In a calm state ask him to please not run off when he gets upset.

 

 

FWIW, I found the 1st year of marriage to be a struggle as we both learned our new roles.

[sandylee1]

Stop cooking as much for him.

 

Don't talk to him while you are so angry.

 

Don't shout and go on and on at him like that.

 

Don't get physically violent with him.

 

He should not have kicked you, a good man would not have done this and I think you should be very careful as he is stronger than you.

 

Has he been violent withyou before this?

 

You have to realise that you will not always have the same opinion on things. Women tend to be more generous and thoughtful. So if you wanted to buy the neighbour a gift in return - then just do it. You don't need his permission and you are financially independent. That's the beauty of earning your own money.

 

Never give up your financial independence and as he doesn't appreciate your efforts in cooking, put an end to it.

 

Get out and have a life that doesn't centre around him.

[mystikmind2005]

Sounds like you only moved in together 'after' getting married?

 

I won't say if that is right or wrong, only that you are now discovering the consequences of it.