A real mess that could be much worse.

[m4p]

I think I changed her into a nice person, yes at the start you could have called her a "visa whore". My worry was even if I was to carry on and marry this girl, she would sooner or later look for her next "upgrade" as once she has moved to another country, she would have a lot more "options".

 

 

Yes I was being a bastard. I just blinkered myself.

 

LOL you thought you "changed" her into a "nice person" after like what, a few months of online chatting and secret trips into her home country. Are you for real? Isnt it kinda condescending of you to see yourself as some sort of hero saving the poor girl from her 3rd world country fate? I'm sorry, you did not help her. Did you provide her with education and a means of providing for herself? Any continuity and long term assistance? Nada..... It's kinda hilarious actually. No idea why I'm riling on about this but maybe it just hit my nerve for some reason. If anything you said is true, you broke her heart and ruined her life, not to mention- your own life + your wife and son that you happily forgot about.

 

If you are bored out of your mind and like saving people, you can volunteer and help people from impoverished countries, by donating or teaching or whatever they need. That'll be a fulfilling life and I will salute you for that. Not visit porn sites and thinking you're doing some poor girl a favor with your financial assistance (which she has to pay with her body and monogamous attention). I agree with the comments that you're simply lazy and justifying your actions.

 

Ewww. But oh well it's still not too late. If your marriage have problems then try to fix it. If it doesn't work you can still say that you've tried. Then you can be single and do ANYTHING you want, nobody will judge you for it.

 

Dude, you need therapy and self reflection on your poor ways of getting ego boosts. Sorry if I sound mean but you got to see this for what it is, man.

[Lady2163]

Okay, I'm going to focus on something a little different.

 

You have dodged a helliva bullet. Assuming the OW is not pregnant.

 

One of my first jobs involved spending an extended period of time in the Phillipines. I am female, American, Caucasian. Then I joined the military and many of my male peers were married to Filipinas.

 

I have a friend who met a girl in RP, married her and it is now 30 years later. He is in his mid 50s now, so a bit older than you are.

 

He hasn't had sex in over 10 years.

He works two full time jobs and has a military pension. He has three incomes, makes close to $300,000 a year. His wife makes around $50,0000 - but only if she works full time. She went part time a few years ago. His kids are grown, married and through college.

He has never had a new car.

He has never lived with just his wife a kids. There is always a relative or relatives living with them.

He hasn't had a vacation in 20 years. His wife has gone back to RP once a year.

Every dime he earns goes towards bringing another relative to USA. He has sponsored over 60 of her relatives. He made it through all of her brothers and sisters and is now into cousins.

Many of the relatives have gambling problems.

The ones that could become pregnant, did have an anchor baby within a year. Even his in-laws had one more baby. He has a brother in law younger than his children.

He calculated that close to $3,000,000 has been spent in "loans", airfare and covering their bills and debts. He knows he will never see a dime.

 

This is what your life would be. You would never stop bringing over relatives. Forget about your hobbies and interests. Your son's wants and needs will not be a priority.

 

You've seen how the Filipino poor live. It is awful and dreadful. Education is not a guaranteed way out of poverty. Hard work is not a guarantee out of poverty. I'm not sure if you are American, but we still have the belief if we work hard, work two or more jobs, get a college degree, we can make it to solid upper middle class standing.

 

That isn't the case in RP.

 

The only way out for this girl - and by extension, her family, is to land a foreigner. They do know exactly what buttons to push and how to appeal to them. Undivided attention, excessive compliments, over-the-top hospitality, sweetness, amazing sex...you name it. This is a manipulation in ways you can't begin to understand. It is meant to snare you, to twist you up inside.

 

I'm really stunned she isn't pregnant.

 

You probably won't believe me. You should spend a last little bit of money and hire a private investigator now. Just to see what she is doing. I'd be willing to bet she is back on the site you met her and looking for the next one.

 

Your fantasy would have ended. Possibly on your wedding day.

[SafetyWordIsBananna]

Okay, I'm going to focus on something a little different.

 

You have dodged a helliva bullet. Assuming the OW is not pregnant.

 

One of my first jobs involved spending an extended period of time in the Phillipines. I am female, American, Caucasian. Then I joined the military and many of my male peers were married to Filipinas.

 

I have a friend who met a girl in RP, married her and it is now 30 years later. He is in his mid 50s now, so a bit older than you are.

 

He hasn't had sex in over 10 years.

He works two full time jobs and has a military pension. He has three incomes, makes close to $300,000 a year. His wife makes around $50,0000 - but only if she works full time. She went part time a few years ago. His kids are grown, married and through college.

He has never had a new car.

He has never lived with just his wife a kids. There is always a relative or relatives living with them.

He hasn't had a vacation in 20 years. His wife has gone back to RP once a year.

Every dime he earns goes towards bringing another relative to USA. He has sponsored over 60 of her relatives. He made it through all of her brothers and sisters and is now into cousins.

Many of the relatives have gambling problems.

The ones that could become pregnant, did have an anchor baby within a year. Even his in-laws had one more baby. He has a brother in law younger than his children.

He calculated that close to $3,000,000 has been spent in "loans", airfare and covering their bills and debts. He knows he will never see a dime.

 

This is what your life would be. You would never stop bringing over relatives. Forget about your hobbies and interests. Your son's wants and needs will not be a priority.

 

You've seen how the Filipino poor live. It is awful and dreadful. Education is not a guaranteed way out of poverty. Hard work is not a guarantee out of poverty. I'm not sure if you are American, but we still have the belief if we work hard, work two or more jobs, get a college degree, we can make it to solid upper middle class standing.

 

That isn't the case in RP.

 

The only way out for this girl - and by extension, her family, is to land a foreigner. They do know exactly what buttons to push and how to appeal to them. Undivided attention, excessive compliments, over-the-top hospitality, sweetness, amazing sex...you name it. This is a manipulation in ways you can't begin to understand. It is meant to snare you, to twist you up inside.

 

I'm really stunned she isn't pregnant.

 

You probably won't believe me. You should spend a last little bit of money and hire a private investigator now. Just to see what she is doing. I'd be willing to bet she is back on the site you met her and looking for the next one.

 

Your fantasy would have ended. Possibly on your wedding day.

 

 

 

 

I do believe you Lady2163. I have heard lots of horror stories such as the one above involving Filipinos and foreigners. If you are not careful, they will take advantage of you, and if you find a bad egg, they will leech you for all your worth. Some of them are excellent liars and manipulators, stopping at nothing in order to get that "golden ticket" foreigner. That's why I hired a PI to check out what she was really up to.

 

 

While I do feel sorry for what I did, her parents took advantage of her, and were pressuring her to ask me for money (and other guys) into visiting, giving money, etc. Her family are angry at me - but they have too have to take some of the guilt as they were the ones who pressured her into her job, into "scamming", etc.

 

 

It could be I dodged a bullet. It could be as soon as I married this girl the demands would come in, or she could run off laughing as soon as she got that visa.

[Lurkeraspect]

I do believe you Lady2163. I have heard lots of horror stories such as the one above involving Filipinos and foreigners. If you are not careful, they will take advantage of you, and if you find a bad egg, they will leech you for all your worth. Some of them are excellent liars and manipulators, stopping at nothing in order to get that "golden ticket" foreigner. That's why I hired a PI to check out what she was really up to.

 

 

While I do feel sorry for what I did, her parents took advantage of her, and were pressuring her to ask me for money (and other guys) into visiting, giving money, etc. Her family are angry at me - but they have too have to take some of the guilt as they were the ones who pressured her into her job, into "scamming", etc.

 

 

It could be I dodged a bullet. It could be as soon as I married this girl the demands would come in, or she could run off laughing as soon as she got that visa.

 

Pot meet kettle...

[Grapesofwrath]

All,

 

 

I do care and love my wife. If I think she found out the gory details, she is very sensitive and I'm not sure she could forgive me for this. Thinking of how hurt she would be made me upset and stop.

 

 

Yes I was infatuated with this girl and I was (almost) prepared to do something stupid to get her. This is what infatuation does.

 

 

Boredom sounds like a poor excuse, but when you feel trapped too for so long, you start to desire change, any change. I admit I have had problems being motivated at work for a while, and not spending enough time with my family.

 

 

I lost focus on myself and my family, I need to concentrate on them and a new career, new hobbies.

 

Banana: Rather than pursue a new hobby, take that time and energy to focus on getting some individual counseling. From your posts, it appears that there is a startling lack of self-awareness here, and a stubborn unwillingness to look at yourself for the answers.

 

For example...If you are bored with your marriage, and desire change, wouldn't it then make sense to talk to your wife about possible changes, as opposed to finding a girl who sells online porn? If you knew that your "sensitive" wife would not be able to forgive you for cheating, and that she would be "upset," why was that not enough reason to stop yourself before you started?

 

If you have problems with motivation, prioritizing your family, and focus, does it make sense to then develop a relationship with a girl who sells porn online? Wouldn't it perhaps be healthier to do some soul-searching as to why this is the case?

[Popsicle]

I do believe you Lady2163. I have heard lots of horror stories such as the one above involving Filipinos and foreigners. If you are not careful, they will take advantage of you, and if you find a bad egg, they will leech you for all your worth. Some of them are excellent liars and manipulators, stopping at nothing in order to get that "golden ticket" foreigner. That's why I hired a PI to check out what she was really up to.

 

 

While I do feel sorry for what I did, her parents took advantage of her, and were pressuring her to ask me for money (and other guys) into visiting, giving money, etc. Her family are angry at me - but they have too have to take some of the guilt as they were the ones who pressured her into her job, into "scamming", etc.

 

 

It could be I dodged a bullet. It could be as soon as I married this girl the demands would come in, or she could run off laughing as soon as she got that visa.

 

I am amazed that you're still talking like this. You don't get it.

[SafetyWordIsBananna]

I am amazed that you're still talking like this. You don't get it.

 

Sorry I lost interest in replying to the matriarchal, rolling pin shaking, "your an arsehole" replies.

 

 

I think I have posted this in the wrong forum.

[Popsicle]

Sorry I lost interest in replying to the matriarchal, rolling pin shaking, "your an arsehole" replies.

 

 

I think I have posted this in the wrong forum.

 

You both were just pretending, and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.

[Ruffian1]

 

 

 

WTF?

 

 

Proud of yourself, you turned her into a good person??

 

 

Like she was bad, bad, bad, and you made her "good"?

 

 

You were the Married one sneaking around. With money to burn.

 

 

She was just poor, trying to survive. Why she has to do a awful job like that. You think a girl with options would choose to do that line of work?

 

 

Who needed made good??

 

 

Whatever helps you look in the mirror as they say.

[Ms. Faust]

Sorry I lost interest in replying to the matriarchal, rolling pin shaking, "your an arsehole" replies.

 

 

I think I have posted this in the wrong forum.

 

The people who reply in this forum are not just people involved in extramarital affairs: they are parents who were once in crappy abusive relationships (for the most part). So when you talk about going to such lengths for a foreign sex worker and then almost involving your elementary school son it is bound to get some critical replies.

 

On top of that your seemingly lack of remorse for everyone except yourself doesn't bode too well, and the narcissism is a common concern among affair partners.

 

Your posts represent what many OW fear: MM is a selfish narcissist who has no idea of empathy beyond himself. Everyone else is expendable.

 

You said so yourself that what you did was absolutely terrible. So you should know posting here that the responses are going to be on the harsh side. Your defensiveness and chiding US on calling you on your bad behavior is evidence that you really don't realize how bad your actions were and how much work you need.

 

I do hope you seek IC. I do not say this spitefully when I would say that there must be something going on mentally/ emotionally for you to think that the lengths you went through were OK.

Edited October 26, 2015 by Ms. Faust

[wanderingxsoulz]

I hate being judgmental but you were really selfish... Don't lie and make promises or give false hope when you know you can't give her anything. What do you get out of hurting so many innocent parties, all because you were bored???? People like you are why this forum exists!

[Lady2163]

So....I'm a bit curious if there is any follow up to this?

[Ruffian1]

Sorry I lost interest in replying to the matriarchal, rolling pin shaking, "your an arsehole" replies.

Matriarchal?

 

 

That is a laugh, has nothing to do with gender.

 

 

You are just another wealthy American (hired a PI to follow her $$) male exploiting poor, younger woman (the money you spent was 1/2 your BS), because, hey, you could and you are self-entitled.

 

 

You want to make her "good"? LMAO Be selfless not selfish. Help her and her family with money for necessities and not expect ANYTHING back. Out of the kindness, goodness of your heart.

 

 

But that will never happen, just like you ran from here cus you didn't like having rolling pin shaken at you, lol.

[burnt]

I am heartbroken that I could not see more of this girl, if I was single I would definitely "go for it" even though it would be risky due to her past and the different cultures.

 

I was proud of her, and myself, that I managed to turn her into a good person, even if it does have an unhappy ending.

 

Really? Proud of yourself? Lovely.

 

Wow…about your wife and son.

 

but about the gf (?)

She was living in a world filled with lies and ugliness, then you lifted up her hopes and got her to trust and have faith, and then shattered it, and put her back down to where she was, even more degraded and humiliated and you are making self-congratulatory statements about 'YOU managed to turn her into a good person'.

 

A bit conceited--wouldn't you say?