NewLeaf512 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Hi Just one more thing: I know you wanted to hear from people with experience. My experience: my husband wanted and open marriage and I didn't want to lose him so I agreed. I never had nor wanted "a ticket" ( or worse a circus ride as we are discussing other human beings) He immediately and possibly before our discussion started up with a woman who he soon got pregnant. I was devastated. It was also a break of our agreement not to mention the marriage. I asked him to leave. He did. The baby was born. Then he wanted to reconcile. I refused he kept trying and I filed for divorce. In a secret silent rage he broke into my house in the middle of the night and hid. Server hours later he burst out of his hiding spot, went on a shooting rampage to try to kill me. It actually resulted in others getting shot and him blowing his brains out in front of my face. Jealousy is a strong feeling. Guilt is worse, and it consumed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Int, Well my friend, if you have done all this reading, I hope you have read a couple of books and not just the forums, starting with two called 'Opening Up', and "More Than Two". if you have done all this research, you should already know that in any "open relationship", the power and control is all with the women. And progressing at the same pace is going to be a difficult one if not impossible because 95% of the guys your wife will become attracted to will not give a damm if she is married or not before getting involved with her, and when you reverse that you will be lucky if 5% of women you meet will want to have anything to so with getting involved with a married man. so my only suggestion to you is if you pursue this you better be prepared for her to have a whole lot more opportunity to be 'open" than you do, and if you read some of the polyamory forums you will probably find them full of women with husbands struggling to accept what they thought was going to be a mutual thing but who wind up sitting around baby sitting while their wives have multiple boyfriends. And it is very hard to put the genie back in the bottle. i am not knocking you or non monogamy. But if you have done all this reading i find it strange that you are thinking the two of you will progress at an somewhat identical pace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Well said, Friskyone4u. That is usually the reality of such arrangements. There is almost no chance that things will be equal or progress in parallel for both of you. There are exceptions, of course, but most men will fare less well than their partners. We are open, but she is largely uninterested in pursuing anyone except occasionally. I've been fortunate to have found the occasional lover and even a multi-year FWB. If you want to keep the opportunities and pace about the same for you both, there is really only one option, and that's swinging as a couple, mostly with other couples. You can sometimes still play separately, or bring in another man or woman for a threesome, if you are comfortable with that. We've also been in a poly relationship, but that was years ago. We both had another long-term partner. That worked easily as we both found a partner at the same time - otherwise, who knows if it would have gotten off the ground? From easiest to hardest, I'd order things as swinging, open, poly. You can start with the easy and work up, if you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author INTJlg Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 Well congratulations! Yup it's not happening. The world wins again, I can't deal with society at large. I suppose I'm better off in my bubble, loathing every humankinds existence. I won't be apart of anyone world, I will return my kindness that I gave to the world, back to me. I worry not anyone will lose sleep, everyone else world will remain perfect, the only message I can relay to anyone, people wonder where monsters come from, it's you the people. Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOnIsHard Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Well congratulations! Yup it's not happening. The world wins again, I can't deal with society at large. I suppose I'm better off in my bubble, loathing every humankinds existence. I won't be apart of anyone world, I will return my kindness that I gave to the world, back to me. I worry not anyone will lose sleep, everyone else world will remain perfect, the only message I can relay to anyone, people wonder where monsters come from, it's you the people. Im curious. What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Well congratulations! Yup it's not happening. The world wins again, I can't deal with society at large. I suppose I'm better off in my bubble, loathing every humankinds existence. I won't be apart of anyone world, I will return my kindness that I gave to the world, back to me. I worry not anyone will lose sleep, everyone else world will remain perfect, the only message I can relay to anyone, people wonder where monsters come from, it's you the people. You sound like a hormonal teenager having a tantrum OP. All because you can't add another relationship to your existing one. I would gently suggest that you stop feeling sorry for yourself and use this as an opportunity to try and fix what is lacking in your current relationship that causes you to want more partners. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 OP, if you have no problems with an open marriage why did you use the word Dilemma in the thread title? Link to post Share on other sites
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