To all the only children

[truthtripper]

Do you feel having no siblings, has had a negative impact on the development of your self-identity and social skills?

[TaraMaiden2]

Definitely.

My invisible friend tells me I'm a psychopath.

 

But then, so is she.

[TaraMaiden2]

Actually, that was mean. I shouldn't really have responded.

I'm actually a middle child. A sister between 2 brothers.

so to be honest, I FELT like an only child, at times....

 

This is actually frighteningly accurate...

[truthtripper]

Definitely.

My invisible friend tells me I'm a psychopath.

 

But then, so is she.

Ha ha!!

[mrs rubble]

Not at all. I was however unprepared for sibling rivalry when I had two sons of my own!

[basil67]

I think it's really hard to gauge what our life would have been like if lived in different circumstances.

[truthtripper]

I was however unprepared for sibling rivalry when I had two sons of my own!

 

This is an example of what I'm referring to-if you had siblings, then perhaps you would have been prepared for raising your own family, as you suggest.

 

By the way, do you mean sibling rivalry between your two sons or between you and your sons? Just curious, as my mum treated me more like a sibling than like her daughter.

[TaraMaiden2]

This is an example of what I'm referring to-if you had siblings, then perhaps you would have been prepared for raising your own family, as you suggest.

 

By the way, do you mean sibling rivalry between your two sons or between you and your sons? Just curious, as my mum treated me more like a sibling than like her daughter.

 

As the poster is female, I doubt she means sibling rivalry between herself and her child/ren.

I'm sure she means between her sons.

 

As a girl between two boys, I can tell you this:

 

My elder brother bullied me.

 

My younger brother was spoilt rotten, and as I became his virtual carer (both my parents worked; he is 7 years younger than I) he was also very nasty and manipulative in his treatment of me.

Together, they picked on me.

 

Please trust me when I tell you, we are so over this.

 

In fact, when our father died in 2010, both my brothers turned to me, emotionally, because they both stated I was so much stronger than they were.

They fell to bits.

I "held" it all together - supported both my mother AND them through it all....

 

I'm not being boastful.

I'm merely saying that we need to play the cards we're dealt in as constructive and positive was as we can, rather than wallowing in possible self-pity and resentment, no matter what the circumstances.

[truthtripper]

As the poster is female, I doubt she means sibling rivalry between herself and her child/ren.

I'm sure she means between her sons.

 

As a girl between two boys, I can tell you this:

 

My elder brother bullied me.

 

My younger brother was spoilt rotten, and as I became his virtual carer (both my parents worked; he is 7 years younger than I) he was also very nasty and manipulative in his treatment of me.

Together, they picked on me.

 

Please trust me when I tell you, we are so over this.

 

 

In fact, when our father died in 2010, both my brothers turned to me, emotionally, because they both stated I was so much stronger than they were.

They fell to bits.

I "held" it all together - supported both my mother AND them through it all....

 

I'm not being boastful.

I'm merely saying that we need to play the cards we're dealt in as constructive and positive was as we can, rather than wallowing in possible self-pity and resentment, no matter what the circumstances.

 

 

I suspected you were bullied by your brothers from your first post. I was abused and bullied by my mum.

 

Developing one's self-awareness is not the same as "wallowing in self-pity", which I agree, the latter being a waste of time.

 

I don't think you're being boastful at all.

[SammySammy]

Do you feel having no siblings, has had a negative impact on the development of your self-identity and social skills?

 

I do.

 

I'm not an only child, but I'm much older than my siblings. So, I technically grew up alone. Went through the various stages of growing up alone.

 

I was also very ill as a child. Spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals. A lot of time in my room alone dealing with a very serious illness rather than being out playing with friends. That also affected my development tremendously.

 

To my parent's credit, my self-identity has always been strong. My social skills? Not so much.

[minimariah]

Do you feel having no siblings, has had a negative impact on the development of your self-identity and social skills?

 

not really. i don't think i'd be any different if i had siblings. if anything, i think it had a positive impact because i know how to be alone & with myself and i'm not afraid of that.

[truthtripper]

I think it's really hard to gauge what our life would have been like if lived in different circumstances.

As I had an abusive mother and a father who was suffering from schizophrenia, I think it would have been beneficial for me to have had siblings, to share the burdens.

 

I'm sure many only children would like to have a brother or sister and that many adult only children would look back on their childhood with the same feelings.

Edited October 23, 2015 by truthtripper

[truthtripper]

I do.

 

I'm not an only child, but I'm much older than my siblings. So, I technically grew up alone. Went through the various stages of growing up alone.

 

I was also very ill as a child. Spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals. A lot of time in my room alone dealing with a very serious illness rather than being out playing with friends. That also affected my development tremendously.

 

To my parent's credit, my self-identity has always been strong. My social skills? Not so much.

I was not a well child either, but my illness wasn't physically disabling. It must have been traumatizing to be alone in your room for long periods.

[truthtripper]

As the poster is female, I doubt she means sibling rivalry between herself and her child/ren.

I'm sure she means between her sons.

/QUOTE]

Sibling rivalry occurs between sisters and brothers too.

[truthtripper]

It's interesting that some posters with siblings, say they felt like only children. No one has ever told me this before. Although I have heard of similar stories to that of MidKnightDreams.

Edited October 23, 2015 by truthtripper

[lollipopspot]

As I had an abusive mother and a father who was suffering from schizophrenia, I think it would have been beneficial for me to have had siblings, to share the burdens.

 

It's pretty likely that if you were raised in an abusive environment the kids wouldn't have gotten along, and treated each other abusively. Kids need some guidance in this area. Abusive siblings would likely have added to your burdens. You're probably better off.

[mrs rubble]

This is an example of what I'm referring to-if you had siblings, then perhaps you would have been prepared for raising your own family, as you suggest.

 

By the way, do you mean sibling rivalry between your two sons or between you and your sons? Just curious, as my mum treated me more like a sibling than like her daughter.

I mean between my two sons, I had no idea that brothers and sister's fought so much. The neigbours kids didn't appear to fight, I only saw my cousins every year or so and they didn't appear to fight either.

 

The thing that bothered me the most about being an only child was the constant declaration from others that I must be spoilt. That was never the case, in fact the very kids who made these assumptions were the one's wearing their designer clothes they picked up overseas when mummy and daddy took them away for the school holidays.

My parents sent me to school holiday programmes and I got an after school job when I was 13.

[mrs rubble]

As I had an abusive mother and a father who was suffering from schizophrenia, I think it would have been beneficial for me to have had siblings, to share the burdens.

 

I'm sure many only children would like to have a brother or sister and that many adult only children would look back on their childhood with the same feelings.

I don't deny that I would love to have a brother or sister. I worry about how I will cope when my parents pass.

[Tayla]

I don't deny that I would love to have a brother or sister. I worry about how I will cope when my parents pass.

 

somehow, you will. particularly when having friends or folks who understand such sorrow.

 

I have 5 bro and 1 sis. There was zero comfort to be had ...

[UpwardForward]

As I had an abusive mother and a father who was suffering from schizophrenia, I think it would have been beneficial for me to have had siblings, to share the burdens.

 

I'm sure many only children would like to have a brother or sister and that many adult only children would look back on their childhood with the same feelings.

 

I thought my father was a bit of a tyrant. My mother was off in her own world. All and all, they did the best they could.

 

When I was a child, I would have loved to have had someone to share it all with - and for companionship.

 

Now that I'm older and have a close relationship with my kids, I think siblings would be in the way - concerning some important legal aspects, at this time.

[truthtripper]

I mean between my two sons, I had no idea that brothers and sister's fought so much. The neigbours kids didn't appear to fight, I only saw my cousins every year or so and they didn't appear to fight either.

 

The thing that bothered me the most about being an only child was the constant declaration from others that I must be spoilt. That was never the case, in fact the very kids who made these assumptions were the one's wearing their designer clothes they picked up overseas when mummy and daddy took them away for the school holidays.

My parents sent me to school holiday programmes and I got an after school job when I was 13.

Yes, even despite the fact that I was an unwell child, people would still judge me as being spoilt. It still angers me to this day.

[truthtripper]

I don't deny that I would love to have a brother or sister. I worry about how I will cope when my parents pass.

Same here. I know that when my mum dies, it's going to bring up a lot of emotional pain from the past. I'm worried about how I will cope with this. I also worry about how I will cope at the funeral as I haven't seen my extended family for 20 years now(deliberate NC).

[KatZee]

Only child here, and no, I don't believe being an only child has stunted my social skills and in actuality I believe was being a single child that allowed me to exceptionally hone my skill at developing my identity.

 

Since I am an only child I didn't have to "live up to" any other sibling. I know so many people who have siblings, where one or both parents favor siblings above others. It's kind of gross to watch. One will get treated like garbage, another gets treated like a queen, and the one who is viewed as "less than" actually does feel "less than." I think people like this get stunted and get lost in the development of their own identity.

 

Being an only child really worked to my benefit, I believe. I grew up being independent, learning to self sooth, and really rely on myself entirely for all things. Of course I had parents that were always there to help, but I didn't grow up in this generation of helicopter parenting and the coddling of kids these days.

 

If I failed at something, I dealt with it alone. If I was in pain, I dealt with it alone. This really taught me about who I was as a person. I'm extremely stubborn, and motivated to knowing who I am, what I want, and I go out and do what I need to do to get whatever it is I want.

 

I know people with siblings who weren't even capable of living in the "real world" so to speak. They were scared to live alone, take care of themselves alone, they just couldn't handle being alone.

 

My parents, I think, were concerned about me being an only child and they got me a cat when I was a kid.

 

I look at most of the adults I know with siblings now, and they're all fighting and hate each other. It's sad. I'm definitely glad I don't have to deal with any of that.

[truthtripper]

Only child here, and no, I don't believe being an only child has stunted my social skills and in actuality I believe was being a single child that allowed me to exceptionally hone my skill at developing my identity.

 

Since I am an only child I didn't have to "live up to" any other sibling. I know so many people who have siblings, where one or both parents favor siblings above others. It's kind of gross to watch. One will get treated like garbage, another gets treated like a queen, and the one who is viewed as "less than" actually does feel "less than." I think people like this get stunted and get lost in the development of their own identity.

 

Being an only child really worked to my benefit, I believe. I grew up being independent, learning to self sooth, and really rely on myself entirely for all things. Of course I had parents that were always there to help, but I didn't grow up in this generation of helicopter parenting and the coddling of kids these days.

 

If I failed at something, I dealt with it alone. If I was in pain, I dealt with it alone. This really taught me about who I was as a person. I'm extremely stubborn, and motivated to knowing who I am, what I want, and I go out and do what I need to do to get whatever it is I want.

 

I know people with siblings who weren't even capable of living in the "real world" so to speak. They were scared to live alone, take care of themselves alone, they just couldn't handle being alone.

 

My parents, I think, were concerned about me being an only child and they got me a cat when I was a kid.

 

I look at most of the adults I know with siblings now, and they're all fighting and hate each other. It's sad. I'm definitely glad I don't have to deal with any of that.

I also enjoy my own company, am emotionally extremely independent, I'm self-employed as I'm not good at working with other people, I'm not someone who enjoys hugs and physical affection, but I adore my cat and cuddle her to bits. I live alone. I had terrible trouble share-housing with my peers. I didn't have the skills to stand up for myself nor to establish boundaries for myself, but I couldn't move back to live with my parents again. I was really caught between a rock and a hard place back then.

 

If I had siblings to bounce off, argue with, rival against, compare myself to, define myself against, I doubt I would have the same troubles. Since childhood, in the presence of others, I feel like I'm out of focus or blurry, not a defined person. I was very lonely as a child. I would talk to my toys and dolls and hope that one day they would magically talk back to me, hence I can talk at great length but am a hopeless listener, but I continue to work on that.

[UpwardForward]

I also enjoy my own company, am emotionally extremely independent, I'm self-employed as I'm not good at working with other people, I'm not someone who enjoys hugs and physical affection, but I adore my cat and cuddle her to bits. I live alone. I had terrible trouble share-housing with my peers. I didn't have the skills to stand up for myself nor to establish boundaries for myself, but I couldn't move back to live with my parents again. I was really caught between a rock and a hard place back then.

 

If I had siblings to bounce off, argue with, rival against, compare myself to, define myself against, I doubt I would have the same troubles. Since childhood, in the presence of others, I feel like I'm out of focus or blurry, not a defined person. I was very lonely as a child. I would talk to my toys and dolls and hope that one day they would magically talk back to me, hence I can talk at great length but am a hopeless listener, but I continue to work on that.

 

Yes to most of the above.