Author truthtripper Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Wow, I'm actually the exact opposite of you. No problem defining boundaries, and I'll be the first person to open my mouth in defense of myself, and even others. I'm actually an exceptional listener, and hate talking, unless it's important. I'm not a fan of casual small talk. I'm wondering if our differences are a product of being only children, or just our ingrained personality traits, nature vs. nurture. Posters in the Abuse Forum can relate to my childhood experiences, whereas the other only children posters here have had comparatively happy lives. One of the posters here thinks it's more likely to be my childhood abuse/neglect, rather than my only-child status. Re: genetic predisposition, I haven't met anyone who has survived childhood abuse without some kind of suffering, no matter how innately emotionally resilient they are. Whether or not siblings would have been of support to me, who's to tell? As with any childhood, the total outcome is always a mix of genes and environment Edited October 27, 2015 by truthtripper Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 The fact that you also had to move house would have been so traumatising for DD. As she was still a child, it would be expected that the 'rumour episode' would have also naturally created some distrust in her. The distrust element in a person can attract bullying. Actually, she THRIVED in the new school. She made tons of friends from day one. Her bad luck that the one girl she befriended first got jealous of how much she thrived. And she's told me at least a dozen times since then how glad she was to move. Oddly enough, the rumor thing never really touched her on an emotional level except that she was pissed that kids wouldn't play with her any more. It's just that over the years, all the other issues compounded on top of it. She had a great two best friends (twins) at the old house who she would have grown up with (their mom and I were close and she thought it was ridiculous what the rumors were doing), but they ended up having to move away. She made a best friend twice in the first three years we moved here and both times, the girl's family moved away and she lost her best friend. And the one girl she wanted to be best friends with here was the best friend of the girl who got jealous, and no matter how hard DD tried to get the girl to care about her, she was tied to that other girl (who was a dominant), so it was just a big mess. So not only was she getting the drama, she had a history of close friends 'abandoning' her, either by moving or by choosing someone else. Like I said, it was one mess/mistake/issue after another that compounded to make her feel incapable of being worthy. Now, when it came to boys, she has never had a problem because she knows she's 'all that' to guys and she knows she treats her boyfriend great and she's a great catch. It's just the history of elusive friendships that messed with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author truthtripper Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Like I said, it was one mess/mistake/issue after another that compounded to make her feel incapable of being worthy. Now, when it came to boys, she has never had a problem because she knows she's 'all that' to guys and she knows she treats her boyfriend great and she's a great catch. It's just the history of elusive friendships that messed with her. Ultimately, it's the parents job to give their children a strong sense of self-worth, not their friends. But it's not an easy job, especially when self-worth is lacking in the parents themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Ultimately, it's the parents job to give their children a strong sense of self-worth, not their friends. But it's not an easy job, especially when self-worth is lacking in the parents themselves.I agree. Which is why my DD25 has turned out so well. She was our complete focus, pretty much still is, and she grew up knowing how outstanding she is. She's working on her PhD, has an amazing boyfriend who checks all the boxes on her list, she never settled for just any guy like most of her friends did just to have a boyfriend, we taught her how to go out and get things done, she's always been driven to succeed, and she's crazy happy with how things are turning out. And which is why so many people are messed up nowadays, when their own parents couldn't drag themselves out of their own dysfunction to deal with their kids better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Only child here. I am glad. I was spoilt but who cares? I've turned into an really kind and generous individual. Hasn't impacted my love or social life! (The fact I was spoilt). I also got taken around the world because of all money my parents saved from not having siblings. Most people I knew with siblings had nothing; their parents couldn't afford good schools, vacations or to help them through college (no average student can work 30 hours waiting tables and pass a 40 hr a week full time degree ) Being an only child rocked lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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