xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I just WAnt to be appreciated. What's this about? About H appreciating you, or the inlaws appreciating you? It sounds like they enjoyed and appreciated their visit very much. Keep in mind that they visited their son's lake house just as much as yours. katie, do you ever host your family? WOuld you host them at the lake house? How would H deal with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Here's the thing. This is a two bedroom house. If there is any family get together it's going to be us and our kids staying here. We have 4 kids, 5 with our SIL. So with his 7 siblings or even my 2(with their kids) everyone would have to stay somewhere else. No one has ever hosted a family get together. They just don't do that. I'd like to think I DID accommodate the difference in ppl. For one day. I made meatballs with niece last night for our supper. Asked her to help me cook. WAtched Casper with her while the other adults watched football and that stopped her crying. Played go fish with her. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Here's the thing. This is a two bedroom house. If there is any family get together it's going to be us and our kids staying here. We have 4 kids, 5 with our SIL. So with his 7 siblings or even my 2(with their kids) everyone would have to stay somewhere else. No one has ever hosted a family get together. They just don't do that. I'd like to think I DID accommodate the difference in ppl. For one day. I made meatballs with niece last night for our supper. Asked her to help me cook. WAtched Casper with her while the other adults watched football and that stopped her crying. Played go fish with her. Ok, I wouldn't host all these people in a 2 bedroom house. That's just not reasonable. Maybe overnight, but certainly not for a week! Does H agree? If so, what's the plan for next time they invite themselves? What does he plan to say and do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 we will see tonight when I tell him I have a 24 hour limit. Same with my sister. My parents want to come for my 50th birthday next summer. I'm trying to find some neighbor's house to rent for them for a few days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 we will see tonight when I tell him I have a 24 hour limit. Same with my sister. My parents want to come for my 50th birthday next summer. I'm trying to find some neighbor's house to rent for them for a few days. Be firm on the 24 hour, and then ask what his wishes and concerns are regarding guests at the lake house. Then brainstorm solutions that work for both of you. Support each other. Make a plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Is there a chance he's allowing them to come up to keep from spending one-on-one time with you? Doubt it- they came on a whim. I told him I can handle about 24 hours, we discussed how alike our sisters sre with parenting. SIL called and said she made it home safely and that she couldnt wait to bring her hubby to see our place and how they would bring their boat. Hubby said that sounded great and he can't wait! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Doubt it- they came on a whim. I told him I can handle about 24 hours, we discussed how alike our sisters sre with parenting. SIL called and said she made it home safely and that she couldnt wait to bring her hubby to see our place and how they would bring their boat. Hubby said that sounded great and he can't wait! So, what does this mean? Did you come to an agreement? Did he voice his own desires and concerns regarding guests at the lake house? Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) I have no idea what it means. Just more of being the good guy, I think. Next summer, when they ask to come for a few days I'll remind hubby i can do only one day. He'll be mad. His desires are all are welcome, sleep on The floor, we'll bring in food and just have a good time. That is peace to him-making them happy. It isn't for me. My mom reminded me that I was building good memories for my niece, the same as hubby did for my sisters daughter when he brought her some Canadian money while she was in the hospital. We are good ppl. I just have a limit, know my stress triggers and how much I can handle. Maybe I'll feel differently next summer. I don't know. But the fact that he says he is MY hero but has a hard time backing that up- that's tough. He adores his family and I want him to have the experience. I just don't know where the happy medium is. I have to live with myself though, and I have maintain my boundaries. Or I start hating myself when I let ppl walk all over me. Edited October 26, 2015 by katielee Link to post Share on other sites
Keats Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Your husbands the problem here. He should be communicating with his family. Sure if they overstep the mark, then he should communicate more clearly. And if they do it again then your husband needs to put his foot down and let the rules be known. If he really understands than he would stick up for his unit and let his family know the boundaries. You should also be doing practical things such as, if someone wants to gatecrash let them know you simply won't be home and cannot change your plans. That should deter them. Your husband should do this. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 After the war, the big one. My Grandma bought land in the country outside of the city. She wanted a summer place for the family to gather. Memories of one being with GP's, aunts, uncles, cousins. several regular sized 2nd hand kitchen tables pushed together to create one grand table all sitting around enjoying great meals. So many people that a pitcher of ice tea would not do. There had to be a large pot of ice tea on the middle of the table. As the house filled up beds were filled to the max. Then the cots were brought out to fill up the open floor space. Times things got to tight that all the dads slept in the hotels. Hotels Pontiac, Buick, Chevrolet, on the driveway. The dads never complained they looked back on it fondly. One bathroom. Talk about roughing it. All the boy cousins went down to the lake for our baths at night. Hot water heater was too small. Our urinals were the trees to take it easy on the cesspool. No one every looked back as those being anything less then great times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 road - that's a good story. I will do that for my own kids and their families. But someone else can do that for our siblings, like, our parents. Link to post Share on other sites
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