Missedsignals Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 (edited) So I have a problem with a guy at work. Soon he won't be a guy at work anymore so that is no longer a concern. He does live on the other side of the country. Here is what has been happening over a few months now. We started to talk more for work, and of course the more conversations you have, the more you start talking about regular stuff. And me and this guy started to uncover we have a lot in common: interests, values and upbringing. He also started dropping hints to make sure to see him when I visited his city. A few months ago I started to think he was flirting a bit. He was a little more touchy when we interacted in person. And this led to hugs for greetings. The last time I saw him we hugged goodbye and it lasted just a little too long. He mentioned that he wanted to go out next time he was in town. He also started to share more personal stuff about him and his family. We started building a friendship. I also heard from other colleagues that he praised me often about my work and skills. After that conversation, this was maybe a month ago, it feels like our conversations are a little different. When he was in town last he complimented my looks and haircut. He offered to be a confidant in my successful job hunt. Checking in regularly and even letting me bounce my pros and cons list off him to make a decision. He proactively offered to help. He is a lot more interested in my day to day. Now that he is back from vacation we are talking several times a week for work. We usually get sidetracked talking about personal stuff too. He laughs at all my jokes, remembers details I told him. This week I had 2 meetings with him with different people. In the 1st one he thanked me because he was having a bad day and talking to me made it better. Then in the next meeting when we exchanged pleasantries he said the same thing. He compliments me often and recently started do it in our meetings with other people "you are so cool I love that you volunteer." He is extra appreciative of any "nice" behavior i.e. Thank you for being supportive when I was traveling, thank you for listening ..... Sometime I feel like i catch him staring a bit (we do some skypes too) So now here is where it gets confusing. He wants to take me out to celebrate my new job. Now we have been talking about hanging out for months. He asked if I would come visit him before I started my new job. I agreed (I have friends there anyway). I set a date and let him know, I hadn't worked out any details. When we talked after I confirmed the time, he started to make plans for us. He said "we are going to get together multiple times, because here is what I'd like to do!" That was earlier this week. One of his ideas sounds really fun but is something I'd call extra special occasion - the opera. He likes to go. But it is a pretty dress up ocassion! When we talked today, he brought it the opera again thing again and told me to choose an option for it. And we talked a little more about the trip. He said "I am really looking forward to spending time with you and save lots of time for me." I am calling him a friend here, but we are really pre-friends. Acquaintances that really like each other an get along great. But it is also starting to feel like he wants more. Now i think he is great. He is a "good catch" and I have a great time. I look forward to talking to him and always leave uplifted. Maybe he thinks the same. What do you all think? Edited October 24, 2015 by Missedsignals Link to post Share on other sites
baffin Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 IMO, it sounds like he likes you a whole lot more than you like him. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and the excitement of visiting new places and doing new things. I think, you need to take a step backwards and re-assess the relationship - is being friends what you really want? do you want the relationship to go deeper? You need to make a decision about whether he's going to expect you to sleep with him? is that what you want? is that the right thing to do? Wow! it's so exciting to have someone that encourages and supports you, but somehow you need to look beyond that and decide what the right thing to do is. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Wrong forum Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missedsignals Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 IMO, it sounds like he likes you a whole lot more than you like him. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment and the excitement of visiting new places and doing new things. I think, you need to take a step backwards and re-assess the relationship - is being friends what you really want? do you want the relationship to go deeper? You need to make a decision about whether he's going to expect you to sleep with him? is that what you want? is that the right thing to do? Wow! it's so exciting to have someone that encourages and supports you, but somehow you need to look beyond that and decide what the right thing to do is. Good questions! I think he is awesome. I also try not to get invested too soon because I have been burned enough to want to feel things out first - are the feelings genuine? I love talking to him, we totally get each other. He mentions it often, I am probably too shy to say the same. It is weird and overwhelming because technically we hardly know each other! I mean we haven't really spent any real one on one time together, so it is strange to be so in sync already. We have chemistry, conversations are super easy. I am sure we will have a great time together when we finally hang out. Sleeping together? Way too soon! I want to get to know him better. What do I want? I don't know? So far he seems like a really good fit for a relationship, he hits all of my checkboxes. Besides the whole we don't live in the same place thing. But we are so connected, so soon, it definitely is something special. He is also a great person, so I'd love for him to have a permanent place in my life somehow, however that turns out. Are there some yellow flags? Maybe? He has lots of female friends. I wonder how many are harboring secret crushes. He seems to be quite a devoted friend. On the other hand he has told me about women he is friends with. And he has been telling me a lot about what he has been doing and who he is hanging out with and where he is going. He has been surprisingly open about all of these things. I know his weekend plans for the next several weeks! I guess I need to finalize plans for my trip and see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
baffin Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I'm glad you're taking the time to think this through. It's very exciting to meet someone that may have a permanent place in our lives. Do you have a close friend or pastor you can talk to? I hope the trip goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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