To : Tony

[angel girl]

Hi! Tony,

 

I was just going to comment on the response that you gave to the girl asking for things in common with her boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are a different person in some terms such as a few hobbies but we also have the same outlook in life and I can say we are totally comfortable with each other when we talk and spend time together. H e even told me that I'm the only one he can talk to,and i think he is my best friend. we even have plans of marriage. Do you still believe that it would be impossible to have a serious relationship with someone who doesn't share all of your interests although you communicate well with each other?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Do you still believe that it would be impossible to have a serious relationship with someone who doesn't share all of your interests although you communicate well with each other?"

 

I never did believe that. What I do feel is that it would be very difficult to have a quality, long term relationship with someone where all there was in common was sex, 80's music, and a shared outlook on life. That is precisely what I said in the earlier post.

 

Relationships are difficult. In the beginning, when things are new, you can run real well on hormones, getting to know each other, etc. If BOTH people are very low maintenance, I suppose you could have a lifetime relationship based on good conversation, visiting friends, taking drives, and doing sort of general things like that.

 

Some people require more visual, auditory or intellectual stimulation and this must be satisfied in the relationship.

 

But you can have a serious relationship based on almost anything. But the length of it will be determined by the expectations of the two people and just how long they can be with each other without being bored or distracted. You can only have sex so many ways, you can only talk about so many things. The more interests you share, the better the quality of the relationship and the longer it will last.

 

You also have to understand that people grow and change. The person you marry today may be totally different ten years from now. Two people have to have to understanding, maturity and flexibility to tolerate and respect those changes and to adapt to them without protest (within reason).

 

And I'll also let you in on a little secret. Very often, the length of a marriage, in addition to all the other things, depends on a steady flow of money to pay the bills. A good provider or providers who can easily meet the family budget each week helps an awful lot and can take the edge off of other things that may be missing.

 

In any relationship, the only way to tell just what it might have taken to keep it going is to look back when it's over. That's why it's best to start with a good framework of common interests, common goals, and talk about all the things you want out of life...and subjects like religion and spirtuality, money, saving, spending, children, where to live, buy or rent, frequency of vacations, etc. etc. Those are the kinds of questions you ask to see if the person is someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with or not.

 

You'd be surprised at how many people get married because the guy has a nice car or the gal is great in bed. You'd be so surprised.

 

There's a lot more to it than love.