IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 My brother is a lost soul. He's 23 No car,bank account, steady job nor place to live for that matter. I tried everything I could to help him, but he is the most ungrateful person alive. He's a liar and a mooch and I just can't take it anymore. I have been letting my brother use my car. He said he would give me money at then end of the week for it. When the time comes to pay, "Well in third grade, you borrowed my pen, so I'm taking that off. Add about 15 more excuses and I wind up giving him money! (figuratively) I can't take it anymore. For some reason I do this to myself. Before he used my car I said "He's not going to pay you" But me being the great sister that I am, I let him, holding on to that little chance he might actually be a man and pay who he owes. This is the brother whose GF is my BF. She's no better. She's sticking up for him. "Well you know he didn't get a whole paycheck this week" When why the f*** did he use my car if he knew that? I had being nickeled and dime for something so stupid. Now she has no money either so she pulls the same ****. "Remember that bag of trees we smoked on Christmas, Well do you have the $10 for that? Thats petty. I'm sorry to say he's a loser. No good, loser. I try to help him but I'm done. I don't want to hear "But he's your brother" He has screwed me for the last time. If I keep helping him, he won't learn. I don't like being taken advantage of by ungrateful people. The guy I'm seeing also took him and his GF to to eat where I work. 120 tab from all 3. When my bro actually has money he tells the guy I'm seeing he owes him money for a bag.......HE JUST SPENT $120 FOR DINNER FOR YOU AND YOUR GF!!?!?!? I can't help him. I'm done. Sorry. P.S. If anything seems unclear...sorry,I have many mroe incidents in my head and I have to gather my thoughts together. Plus I'm soooooooo heated Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 i wouldnt let him use anything of urs. step 1 is having him find a job. if he has that, theres no reason to mooch.... he gotta chill wit buying weed... save $20 and use that for food lol... see if u can help him find a job with u or around you ... thats the MOST i would do for him... if he bitches about that, then i would forget about helping him ever again lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 He has somehwat of a job. The only way for him to get there is to use my car. He said he wold give me $ to use my car..Ok....then when the time came to pay me he screwed me. So either way I lose. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Tough love is what he needs to be shown. My brother was like this with me until I made him own up to his responsibilites. For instance, he borrowed my car once and came back with a broken windshield. He wasn't making much money at the time but since he borrowed the car, it was his responsibility. I MADE him replace the windshield. After that, he knew that if was ever to borrow my car again, he better take care of it. Same with money and other things. I stopped loaning him cash and told him I wasn't his bank. He needed to learn how to handle money responsibly because I wouldn't be there for him all the time. He finally learned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I MADE him replace the windshield. I don't understand how to MAKE him do something. He tells me to go f*** myself and thats that. What can I do? Funny.......He broke my windshield too....Still waiting for that $ as well Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by IhavenoFREAKINclue I don't understand how to MAKE him do something. He tells me to go f*** myself and thats that. What can I do? Funny.......He broke my windshield too....Still waiting for that $ as well Well, my response was: "If you do not replace the windshield, you will not use my car ever again." He had it replaced that day. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Sounds like a classic case of refusal to grow up. This guy is ( just like you said ) a LOSER. He needs to get it though his weed-smoke filled head that high school is over. And with it,...the lifestyle. Twenty-three years old? C'mon. I bet if you were to tell him that he'd rattle off a bunch of guys he knows who ARENT going to college or working steadily just to make HIM sound "normal" or "better". Only thing is, is that....hes comparing himself to HIS LOSER FRIENDS. Of course he knows people who are doing the same thing. What does this loser mooch plan on doing the rest of his life? What if you DIDNT HAVE a car for him to borrow? No more. Give this leech, nothing else!! He needs to see what its like to earn things. He doesnt seem to realize or care that by using YOUR car,....just putting gas in it doesnt cut it. The extra driving is wear and tear that wouldnt normally be being put on it. That brings your cars death date closer. You are sacrificing a little everytime he borrows it. You think he cares at all about that? No. This little hump makes up excuses of how he doesnt have to live up to his promises of paying you. You make a deal. THATS the deal. It doesnt matter what you borrowed from him in 1997 or whatever. This is the deal now. You cant say "Well Im not going to pay you after all because I just remembered that you ate half my groceries 7 years ago." Uh-uh. Thats not how it works. I think its quite obvious that he NEVER planned on paying you. This is just the lame excuse he finally came up with. If it wasnt THIS lame B.S...........it would have been some other lame B.S. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 The thing is, I do this every time. Every time he says he's going to pay me back I believe him. Maybe I'm giving him th benefit of the doubt. But i think i do that to often and it has to stop. I always have in the back of my mind that he's my brother. If I don't give him this $, he won't eat. He always gives me a guilt trip too......About how our father would have done it and I'm exactly like him. That he my brother and blood is thicker than water ( I let a friend borrow $ which was paid back promptly) I'm think in his mind he figures that I'm the last person he would have to pay back since I'm his sister. NO NO NO. This is the last time I'm going to be bamboozled! Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Well,.....let me tell you something. I WAS the mooch. So Im telling you this from the MOOCHERS point of view. When I would borrow $ or anything from my sibilings, friends, or parents,.....Id tell them I would pay them back. Now listen to this part........At the time,....I really MEANT IT. Only, afterwards as the days went by other things came up that I wanted or needed,...I would then justify getting THOSE things instead of paying them back. So, really,...I turned a promise INTO a lie. It sounds like this is what hes doing. But after a bunch of times of not being able to pay any loans back,...you pretty much begin knowing that you cant when you're asking. Thats when it REALLY becomes bad. He a mooch. Mooches want it all,...but dont want to work for any of it. They are lazy visionaries. My problem was that Im an alcoholic. Im sober now,..but back then,...I thought the ones in my family who have done well for themselves, owed me. I would justify it by saying "If I were doing well and YOU needed something,..Id always be there!!!" so much until I began believing it. The only way to help him to stand on his own two feet is to pull that rely rug you help lay down,..out from under him. Oh,...and tell this GIRLfriend of his to stuff it. This is none of her business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 Thanx scarly...you gave me a lot of insite to this situation. I can't stand when his GF chimes in to justify it. Now you can see why i hate their union so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 If you love your brother, (and you should even if you don't), you'd cut him off. Period. No more, that's it, you're done. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by Moose If you love your brother, (and you should even if you don't), you'd cut him off. Period. No more, that's it, you're done. Yeah what he said. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I'm with Moose ~ you've got to practice tough love, no matter how much it hurts you to do so. Because your brother will never, ever learn to stand on his own to feet or claim responsibility if he knows he's got family just waiting to clean up his messes/solve his problems for him. next time he hits you up for money/use of car/whatever, look him in the eye and just say "no." if he tries to give you a guilt trip, agree with him that you feel real sorry for him, but the answer's still "no." If it helps, pretend he's a pesky three-year-old and you're the grown-up in charge of his well-being. He may hate you for not giving in, but there will be a grudging respect for you sticking to your guns. Or, you can just take him behind the barn and beat his *ss ... Link to post Share on other sites
blackchild Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 honestly i had the same problem with my older brother, except it wans't as bad as your situation. i will tell you just like my mother told me , "if you don't let him survive on his own he isn't going to make it in the real world" the reason why he's being such a dickhead is because he knows that his sister will always bail him out! he knows what he's doing and trust me he's abusing the love of a really great sister. Link to post Share on other sites
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