Scarlet2 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Did your MM/exMM ever replace his wedding ring with a new one during/after the affair? Is that something counselors recommend doing after an affair, replace the ring when you decide to stay in the marriage? Do both spouses do it or just the one who cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
Doublegold Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 No, he actually removed it. There was a deep crease where it had been. A big white spot where the sun hadn't tanned the skin. She never asked why he removed it. Been two years now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Did your MM/exMM ever replace his wedding ring with a new one during/after the affair? Is that something counselors recommend doing after an affair, replace the ring when you decide to stay in the marriage? Do both spouses do it or just the one who cheated? He never wore the ring she gave him, but he did start wearing his father's ring after his father's death. Then, we bought each other rings, and he moved his father's ring to his other hand, and replaced it with the ring I got him (which he still wears). Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 He never wore the ring she gave him, but he did start wearing his father's ring after his father's death. Then, we bought each other rings, and he moved his father's ring to his other hand, and replaced it with the ring I got him (which he still wears). He took off his ring and attached it to his keyring. She asked once and he said it pinched at the gym when he lifted weights. He never wore it again. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Did your MM/exMM ever replace his wedding ring with a new one during/after the affair? Is that something counselors recommend doing after an affair, replace the ring when you decide to stay in the marriage? Do both spouses do it or just the one who cheated? It's quite common for the BS to stop wearing the ring after an A. The WS is usually happy to keep wearing the ring as they are staying (or hoping to ) married. The thinking behind it is that the BS has kept their vows...They gave the ring to their spouse as a symbol of love and fidelity etc. On the flip side the reason the BS stop wearing the ring - is that the ring was given as a symbol of love/fidelity and the WS didn't keep the vows and as such their word is meaningless. Some BSs choose never to wear a ring again post affair and with some couples new rings post affair are very common. A woman I worked with insisted her H got rid of the ring, as she found it was a massive trigger for her - knowing he never took it off with the OW and that the ring she gave him had been all over another woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 He took off his ring and attached it to his keyring. She asked once and he said it pinched at the gym when he lifted weights. He never wore it again. If I was married and my husband did that, it would be the last straw. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle's-bargain Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 She never had a ring. I pointed that out to her a few times, that she should have one. If she did, I never noticed it. She was only married a few months, from what she told me. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If I was married and my husband did that, it would be the last straw. Well the sad part is that even when he stopped wearing his ring she just didn't care. I know I sound terrible when I say this but to me it seemed like she felt she could be unloving and ignore the issues thinking he would never leave. When he did she freaked out, threw the Christmas tree at him. Then spent months telling him to get over it and go back. I would not put up with it either. And he knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Is that something counselors recommend doing after an affair, replace the ring when you decide to stay in the marriage? sometimes. both spouses do it & it is supposed to be a fresh start. couples in reconciliation sometimes do a new symbolic ceremony & exchange new rings then. my xH was a WS & he always wore his wedding ring, he actually kept wearing it for another couple of months after our separation. i didn't took that as a special sign or anything, i think it just became a habit kind of jewelry. i honestly don't think he payed it any attention at all. i know i didn't & until the point i furiously took it off - i kinda of forgot that i even have it on. i think it's like that for many MMs who keep it on - they just don't think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I remember this one evening I was browsing through some amateur porn and one was of a gangbang. It was the kind where the men lined up, did it for about 30 seconds, and then the next guy had his turn. I only watched a few minutes (truly) but one of the guys had this very bright, very gold, very visible wedding ring. Something about that disturbed me... Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 It's quite common for the BS to stop wearing the ring after an A. The WS is usually happy to keep wearing the ring as they are staying (or hoping to ) married. The thinking behind it is that the BS has kept their vows...They gave the ring to their spouse as a symbol of love and fidelity etc. On the flip side the reason the BS stop wearing the ring - is that the ring was given as a symbol of love/fidelity and the WS didn't keep the vows and as such their word is meaningless. Some BSs choose never to wear a ring again post affair and with some couples new rings post affair are very common. A woman I worked with insisted her H got rid of the ring, as she found it was a massive trigger for her - knowing he never took it off with the OW and that the ring she gave him had been all over another woman. As a BS I stopped wearing my ring for the reasons above. I did wear it for years after D-day but with the engravings removed. I finally got to the point that I didn't want to "re-frame" it every time I saw it or felt it. My wife did make a comment about me not wearing it, and I told her that I stopped wearing because I was happier not wearing it. Nothing else has been said about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Interesting topic, never heard of the practice of getting new rings but it seems to make sense. As another poster said, the idea of the ring having been "all over" the AP could be disturbing to the BS. That gave me a pretty solid pang of guilt, MM never removes his wedding band (bet he would struggle to anyway, I think he's put on a bit of weight since the wedding ). He once sent me a dirty pic where the ring was featured prominently. I didn't call him out on it, but I promptly deleted it, as it disturbed me a bit. Probably should have called him out. Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 My exMM never wore a ring, even in "real" life. I kind of wish he had, so that I would have seen an indent or tan-lines or the ACTUAL itself, and known he was married. FML. If I was a BS, I would for sure want new rings. If I was in R, I would consider it a new marriage, as the old M was clearly dead. The old rings the vows were sealed with would stand for nothing more than the Forever21 rings that I can't get enough of. And you can be DAMN sure that I would want a big ass diamond too. You know, paying damages and all. As it stands, I don't think I would ever trust/R with a cheater. I saw what happened to my family, and also now have first hand experience to know how shady these guys can be. So my .02 doesn't really matter. Though, I have read countless stories of people who thought cheating would be a deal-breaker, but it didn't turn out to be. So I guess no one ever really knows if they will stay or go. But if one stays, methinks new rings AND vows. Link to post Share on other sites
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