Poppy's sister Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 has anyone ever contacted a BS anonymously ? I cannot even believe I am considering it...and think I am just having a bad day... but a friend in RL suggested I write to his wife and tell her anonymously he is still in an affair. I know their address and were she works...has anyone done this ? I know the answers are ' why ? what do you want to achieve?' I actually can be very insightful and sometimes even sensible...I know that pushing the buttons like that will not bring anyone happiness...but just sometimes I get the thought that I could. has anyone got hold of a BS's phone number ? is there even ways of doing that anonymously ? or can someone just come along and tell me to get a grip !! please.... Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 has anyone ever contacted a BS anonymously ? I cannot even believe I am considering it...and think I am just having a bad day... but a friend in RL suggested I write to his wife and tell her anonymously he is still in an affair. I know their address and were she works...has anyone done this ? I know the answers are ' why ? what do you want to achieve?' I actually can be very insightful and sometimes even sensible...I know that pushing the buttons like that will not bring anyone happiness...but just sometimes I get the thought that I could. has anyone got hold of a BS's phone number ? is there even ways of doing that anonymously ? or can someone just come along and tell me to get a grip !! please.... This is unlikely to achieve much. If you have a definite outcome in mind (e.g. Him getting thrown out) you're likely to be disappointed - especially if it is anonymous. Unless she already suspects, and is simply looking for evidence, she has no reason to attach weight to an unsolicited anonymous email. We all get tons of spam each day. If she does suspect, and is looking for evidence, chances are she'll try t find out who the sender is. Are you sure you have the technical nous to send a mail with no fingerprints? She will,come looking for you. Are you comfortable with the risk of her finding you? Are you happy to be found? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I'm going to reply to the gripe part of your post! So if you do get the phone number and call anonymously do you plan to stay in the affair and watch the fallout on the sidelines? Are you hoping to be the outside comfort while the other man struggles through the outcome of the anonymous tip to his wife? How will you feel about yourself knowing you are the affair person but not outing yourself as well? It seems to me and I could be wrong is that you might be hoping this anonymous call will free this man up for you? If I were in your shoes I would only tell all parties involved if I were admitting my part in the wrongdoing and I was going complete no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Why do it anonymously? I see by reading your past threads that you are also married with children. So you want to blow up the lives of other people all from the comfort and safety of your marital home? I say if you want to tell you should tell, but not in the vile way you want to do it. Stand up and be a decent human being. When you call his wife to out her husband, out yourself too. And then go home and tell your husband. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think your trying to force an outcome so he splits up with wife and you then leave your h and get together. Don't do this. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Someone actually did anonymously call my h's ex at work a few times and say things... I am trying to remember but the only one I recall is something like she should keep an eye on her husband, that he was leaving her and also something about checking his phone records. Don't quote me, I am not sure. She filed a report at work, they never did find out who did it. He didn't leave for another few months and it had nothing to do with that. If you are trying to achieve something you have to blow the whole thing to kingdom come including your life. And just so we are clear, if you only blow up his side, you are certainly fair game. If she reciprocated you could do nothing and you brought it on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 A very good friend of mine received an overnight package from the wife of the man who was having an affair with his wife. It contained transcripts of the texts messages and emails between the two of them. In a strange twist my friend then started a relationship with the wife of the man who was sleeping with his wife. Needless to say it was a temporary distraction to his pain and didn't last. I think you focus on yourself and your own healing. Doing anything else will only prolong the process and keep you stuck in your despair. I get the need to want revenge but unfortunately it wont help you. Sorry you are going through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 has anyone ever contacted a BS anonymously ? I cannot even believe I am considering it...and think I am just having a bad day... but a friend in RL suggested I write to his wife and tell her anonymously he is still in an affair. I know their address and were she works...has anyone done this ? I know the answers are ' why ? what do you want to achieve?' I actually can be very insightful and sometimes even sensible...I know that pushing the buttons like that will not bring anyone happiness...but just sometimes I get the thought that I could. has anyone got hold of a BS's phone number ? is there even ways of doing that anonymously ? or can someone just come along and tell me to get a grip !! please.... I contacted the "other BW" of the "other MM", of the OW that was also having an affair with my own WH. (Not sure if I explained this properly, but the OW was having affairs with at least 2 MM one of whom was my WH and the other the WH of the "other BW") Initially I was anonymous but later revealed who I was. Strangely we became friends... The "other MM" left the "other BW" (with 4 kids!) and is now with the OW, and her 2 kids, one of whom may be my WH's child! I nearly always recommend letting the BW know, irrespective of the motives. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 In my darkest hours, I would fantasize about doing something like this. Leaving a letter in their mailbox or something. Think it through...its a horrible idea, often born from a desire for vengeance or more drama. Nothing good can come from it. Best thing you can do is end the A and leave him alone. His marriage is his business, and yours is your business. focus on you, why you are in an A, and working on either a D or improving your M. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 If you provide enough factual evidence, then she'll be more likely to believe. If you just say "your husband is having an affair', he's likely to deny even if confronted. The problem you have here is....if the information is irrefutable, then it will identify you. If it identifies you, it's highly likely she'll inform your husband. If that's okay with you......then by all means, regardless of your motive....you should let her know. One more thing....if you tell her anonymously and the evidence you give can only have come from you or him......then he'll know it was you and that could turn nasty, as you'll have blown up his life. Your best option to tell her and protect yourself from him thinking you revealed all, is to do it in a way that looks like a third party did it. So could anyone one else know about it? If you work together, you could make out you are a coworker and have seen 'them' together. Link to post Share on other sites
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