Starting Over...Now What?!

[Tressugar]

As you may know I'm starting all over again. It's like the Universe even tapped me on the shoulders to show and confirm to me that I truly have no one in my corner. Even as simple when it comes to listing an emergency contact person for my work file.

 

I've officially closed the door on my past life. I don't know who I am or where I should be. I am just floating through life aimlessly. I hope someone or something catches me to put me on a path...any path will do. Because I cannot go back go to where I came from. For the first time ever, I'm scare. Scared of the unknown and what's out there. So far I've been met with cruel intentions. Everything and everybody that I once knew is gone. It's up to me to heavily rely on El Shaddai.

 

This the dark night of my soul. I have died. Will I have the desire to live again?

 

Has anybody on Earth been through this before? Or am I the chosen one. What happens to you once you close the door?

[HeartDesires]

another door opens......

[nais]

As you may know I'm starting all over again. It's like the Universe even tapped me on the shoulders to show and confirm to me that I truly have no one in my corner. Even as simple when it comes to listing an emergency contact person for my work file.

 

I've officially closed the door on my past life. I don't know who I am or where I should be. I am just floating through life aimlessly. I hope someone or something catches me to put me on a path...any path will do. Because I cannot go back go to where I came from. For the first time ever, I'm scare. Scared of the unknown and what's out there. So far I've been met with cruel intentions. Everything and everybody that I once knew is gone. It's up to me to heavily rely on El Shaddai.

 

This the dark night of my soul. I have died. Will I have the desire to live again?

 

Has anybody on Earth been through this before? Or am I the chosen one. What happens to you once you close the door?

 

Change is good- isnt it awesome? Suppose the past life was the only life you could ever know or have? Universe served up a cold reality for me this year. I am so very thankful for the wake up call but not so much as to what happened. My sons father was struck and killed by a car. The whole situation hurt because I had regret, I felt anger at what he never was able to do for us, but then I realized I was stuck. I allowed that relationship to hold me in a stand still for years even though I had been in another relationship doing what I felt was moving forward but I was not living. I had chosen to be nothing. I should have never chose that for myself, and in doing so I wasted valuable time. It seems that something recently changed for you- I had to remember when I was the happiest, what I was doing at that time. I ended up back at the age of 4, we were living in Florida and I was carefree. I wanted that feeling back so I simply made it happen for me. Find what YOU want. I regret so many things right now, but a chance to live, breath and make my own happiness was the best gift I could receive despite the circumstances that brought me around to it. You can make this next phase into anything you want, seek happiness!

[Clarence_Boddicker]

"What doesn't kill you, (should) make you stronger."

 

 

Not to minimize whatever you've been through, but sometimes it's too easy to feel sorry for ourselves, especially when bad things happen. No matter how hopeless it seems, you are in control of your life and can change it if you want to. I'm sure you have some dreams & talents. Put those to use or try something new. Someone's identity should not be dependent on what they own or who they know, but who they are & what they do.

[Kristine]

Been there. It was very hard, took some time, but I began to forge a new path for myself. You can do it.

[chapter44]

I know you're scared and unsure right now but try looking at it from a different perspective. Now is your time to reinvent who you will become. Start walking in a different direction and you'll be amazed at the doors that will open for you.

 

Hang in there lots of people have been where you are and have not only survived but thrived.

[froz]

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great and things don't seem to be working out.

Life is like this but I guess we just have to keep going.

[Lion Heart]

Hi

 

Yes I've definitely "been there". I was suicidal twice this year. It was a very dark place. Last time (hopefully FOREVER) was about 6 months ago.

 

I'm not sure what got you to this place but realizing that even the suicide hotline in my country made me feel MORE suicidal was a turning point in my life.

 

I found a "Bucket List" I'd started writing years ago on an old phone. I am transferring it to my new phone and making it much longer now! Lol.

 

So many things that I wanted to do! BE!; Change!

 

All change involves RISK but with nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain, you now have no choice.

 

X Lion Heart.

[sportygirl89]

Hi

 

Yes I've definitely "been there". I was suicidal twice this year. It was a very dark place. Last time (hopefully FOREVER) was about 6 months ago.

 

I'm not sure what got you to this place but realizing that even the suicide hotline in my country made me feel MORE suicidal was a turning point in my life.

 

 

I found a "Bucket List" I'd started writing years ago on an old phone. I am transferring it to my new phone and making it much longer now! Lol.

 

So many things that I wanted to do! BE!; Change!

 

All change involves RISK but with nothing to lose and EVERYTHING to gain, you now have no choice.

 

X Lion Heart.

 

Precisely why I decided to not give up on my church just yet. I am trying. Just so hard to try when people judge you. But at least they can't say I haven't tried!

[Lion Heart]

Precisely why I decided to not give up on my church just yet. I am trying. Just so hard to try when people judge you. But at least they can't say I haven't tried!

 

Sportygirl, I'm not sure how old you are but we miss alot from not being able to have the wisdom of elders surrounding us.

 

Something I know and allow for myself and indeed others is that we are ALL a work in progress. Like a Master sculptor chiselling away on their final masterpiece. Sometimes and especially when difficult periods of life occur, we need to do the soul searching and building of our characters and in a HURRY!

 

I always envisaged that with each FOO issue I resolved or accepted or worked deeply on to eradicate from my children's lives, with each chisel mark, I am making progress. I want to be the BEST person I can be for me, my family and anyone else I come in contact with.

 

One lesson you need to KNOW without a shadow of a doubt is that PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS JUDGE YOU. Yes there are dark and nasty traits in people like jealousy, envy and hatred. Nothing good EVER comes from jealousy. It's a succinctly useless pursuit having jealousy.

 

Understand that WHEN people judge you (and they will forever!) and I'm going off the thought of destructive judgements as opposed to constructive criticism! When they do the former AT you. Deflect it. If it feels like an attack then turn those spears around in your mind and ask "What is this person SHOWING me? What parts of their character is being displayed to me so that I may take heed?"

 

I want to burst the false bubble of your illusion.

It's NOT about you! Take heed and smile in your head. This is all about them. They are exposing their character to you.

 

I could say ALOT about people's use of "judgement" hidden in the veil of religious indoctrination. Imho people with "Go*" in their hearts leave judgements up to their maker if they truly believe. People who have pure goodness are like Jesu* who couldn't say bad things. Who walked in pure goodness. Apparently his aura spread 7 klm. Whoever was in this space felt love and healing.

 

I will say my parents were Christian Missionaries and my Wayward Husbands family were "strictly orthodox" in theirs.

I will say they are all the biggest set of damaging people I've ever met. Yes I'm calling it. My life has been destroyed (and resurrected by my own efforts) by all of them.

 

They've all judged me very harshly all the while under veils which I see now as self serving, destructive and deceitful.

 

I love my friends and my immediate family who extend LOVE, UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSION. I am careful who's company I keep. As we ALL should be. These beautiful people SUPPORT me and EMPOWER me with their wonderful qualities. If this is NOT how YOU feel after spending time with a specific group of people then run! Lol. Fast! Waaaay a long way away.

 

No my friends are often not a soft fall for long! They'll hit me hard with the truth but it won't be damaging. It is informing.

 

Many of my friends I've known for a very long time! I received texts from my friend whilst writing this and I've known him for 41 years. I'm 50.

 

X Lion Heart

[sportygirl89]

Sportygirl, I'm not sure how old you are but we miss alot from not being able to have the wisdom of elders surrounding us.

 

Something I know and allow for myself and indeed others is that we are ALL a work in progress. Like a Master sculptor chiselling away on their final masterpiece. Sometimes and especially when difficult periods of life occur, we need to do the soul searching and building of our characters and in a HURRY!

 

I always envisaged that with each FOO issue I resolved or accepted or worked deeply on to eradicate from my children's lives, with each chisel mark, I am making progress. I want to be the BEST person I can be for me, my family and anyone else I come in contact with.

 

One lesson you need to KNOW without a shadow of a doubt is that PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS JUDGE YOU. Yes there are dark and nasty traits in people like jealousy, envy and hatred. Nothing good EVER comes from jealousy. It's a succinctly useless pursuit having jealousy.

 

Understand that WHEN people judge you (and they will forever!) and I'm going off the thought of destructive judgements as opposed to constructive criticism! When they do the former AT you. Deflect it. If it feels like an attack then turn those spears around in your mind and ask "What is this person SHOWING me? What parts of their character is being displayed to me so that I may take heed?"

 

I want to burst the false bubble of your illusion.

It's NOT about you! Take heed and smile in your head. This is all about them. They are exposing their character to you.

 

I could say ALOT about people's use of "judgement" hidden in the veil of religious indoctrination. Imho people with "Go*" in their hearts leave judgements up to their maker if they truly believe. People who have pure goodness are like Jesu* who couldn't say bad things. Who walked in pure goodness. Apparently his aura spread 7 klm. Whoever was in this space felt love and healing.

 

I will say my parents were Christian Missionaries and my Wayward Husbands family were "strictly orthodox" in theirs.

I will say they are all the biggest set of damaging people I've ever met. Yes I'm calling it. My life has been destroyed (and resurrected by my own efforts) by all of them.

 

They've all judged me very harshly all the while under veils which I see now as self serving, destructive and deceitful.

 

I love my friends and my immediate family who extend LOVE, UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSION. I am careful who's company I keep. As we ALL should be. These beautiful people SUPPORT me and EMPOWER me with their wonderful qualities. If this is NOT how YOU feel after spending time with a specific group of people then run! Lol. Fast! Waaaay a long way away.

 

No my friends are often not a soft fall for long! They'll hit me hard with the truth but it won't be damaging. It is informing.

 

Many of my friends I've known for a very long time! I received texts from my friend whilst writing this and I've known him for 41 years. I'm 50.

 

X Lion Heart

 

 

I'm mid 20's. Just trying to meet new people at church. Not focusing on the ones who have hurt me. There are so many people I haven't met yet because the group I was apart of was so exclusive. While I miss not being actively in it. I've gotten to know so many more people (and people that seem more down to earth. While it sucks losing any friendship, I have the potential of opening up my friend circle and actually having meaningful relationships and not excluding people because we don't think like them.