funpeople Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 So I'm wondering if my wife, who's a very hot babe, cheated on me with another woman and maybe with another man recently. Suspicious of her hiding the fact that she was using facebook alot without me knowing about it, I reset her password and saw everything on her fb page. Was that a shocker. She had been on there for years without me knowing. One of her messages to a girlfriend of hers was particularly troubling. girlfriend: hey you Mz hoochie coohie had fun today mamas looking forward to our next date...lol miss you already wife: Lol,thank you for going out with it was very nice,i miss to already, girlfriend: yeah I know you love me and we have fun together 2 beaytiful hoochies Mz raquel...lmao In addition to these messages, she had listed herself as single on fb. More recently, I found out she was good friends with a man that I've never seen before. His name was Celin but she referred to him as Celina so that I would think it was a woman. She swears up and down constantly that neither of these were affairs, just friends and that I'm being paranoid. Does anyone else out there think I'm being paranoid? funpeople Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 She put her relationship status as single? I'd start with that issue. Why would she want the entire internet to know she's single? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author funpeople Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Some of the pictures were risque and it would have made her look bad if she said that she was married. There's was nothing in any of her many many posts that indicated that she was married...just the opposite in some cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Uh yep she's cheating 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sambolini Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I agree, she's most likely cheating. However, if you want to find out for sure, you're going to have to do some sleuthing. There are people here who could probably do a better job than I about this, as I've lurked here for quite a while, but I'll do my best. I'm a BH (betrayed husband) who immediately divorced his cheating ex wife, so I've been there. The first thing I would do is back off on confronting her directly with this. If she is indeed having an affair (which I suspect she is), all confronting her will do is drive whatever she's doing further underground. She'll get a fake FB account that you don't know about, or she'll change her FB password; she'll put a password on her phone; heck, she could even get a burner phone, which is a second phone that you know nothing about. Doesn't cost much these days to get a basic prepaid phone. You don't need internet with that; just a few text messages and a few minutes that she can refill whenever she needs. The point is, they find ways to camouflage what they're doing, and the trail could easily go cold. But if you back off, and make her think that you were indeed just being paranoid and drop the issue, she's less likely to do that. But I guarantee her FB will be on lockdown now, and that she will immediately shift her messaging to some other platform. Be prepared to have to switch tactics. Which leads to... Get a voice activated recorder (VAR). Get some good batteries that will last a while, and put it under the seat of her car. Leave it there for a few days, and then listen to what she's doing and who she's talking to on her phone in her car. You may have to do this many times, but many people have said this worked very well for them. Just so you know, anything you record will most likely not be admissible as evidence in court. But it's a great way to find out if your fears are justified or not. Talk to a divorce lawyer. You don't have to retain them, just let them know what you've discovered and ask about what the divorce laws are in your state in your situation. Divorce is pretty biased against men, so I hope for your sake you don't have any kids (you may have said you did, I can't recall). But don't let that deter you. Your attorney can help you navigate the legal waters in order to ensure the best possible outcome. Start quietly moving funds out of joint accounts. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. Obviously that may change in divorce, but for now, it's better to have as much direct control over your personal income as much as you possibly can. Be discreet about it at first, there's no need to go crazy. Just begin developing a personal nest egg for yourself. If you find incontrovertible evidence that she is cheating, right before you serve her with papers, you will need to move all your money and cancel all your credit cards. Once all that is done, then you can file and confront her. Be prepared to walk away from the marriage, no matter the cost. If your wife is indeed cheating and you really want to salvage the marriage, the best way to do that is to be willing to lose it. The person who is the least invested in the relationship has the least to lose when it ends. If you become that person, and she sees that you are more than willing and capable of walking away, she might just snap out of it and see what she could lose. I did the same thing to my ex wife, except I had no intention to R (reconcile) with her. For me, when you cheat, you're done. Your time in my life has come to an immediate end, wife and mother of my child notwithstanding. And she did not like it, and she tried to come back. I flat out told her absolutely not, and she's never approached me again (although lately she's been behaving very oddly towards me, but that's another story). The point is, I could have reconciled with her if I had wanted to. I was presented with a choice, and the only reason why she tried to come back was because she knew she was losing me (only in reality she had already lost me; she just didn't fully know it yet). Obviously, I'm not in the "pro-reconciliation" crowd. I don't look down on people who try, especially if they have kids. But when it comes to cheating spouses, I believe the only way to establish a boundary is shock and awe. Make them suffer the consequences of their decisions. Only then is there the potential for them to see the error of their ways, and to see that you are a person of value (provided you didn't verbally, physically, and/or sexually abuse your wife). They need to be grateful for the opportunity to be a part of your life, especially as your spouse. And most importantly, they need to be remorseful for their actions and for hurting you. It may take a long time before they get to that point; my ex wife and I split up almost four years ago because she wanted to start an affair, and I think it's only recently that she's actually begun to have some remorse. If remorse isn't swift and genuine, and she's not willing to work on herself and stop what she's doing, then walk away. No one has to tolerate a spouse who cheats. Last but certainly not least, keep posting here. We've been there. We've seen what you are seeing. We've gone through it and come out the other side. And posting is a great way to get out your feelings! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Some of the pictures were risque and it would have made her look bad if she said that she was married. There's was nothing in any of her many many posts that indicated that she was married...just the opposite in some cases. Tell her that if she has nothing to hide that she'll agree to take a polygraph test so put it to rest. If she gives you a hard time, then let her know that her status on facebook stating that she was single will be the truth real soon. Don't turn your back on this or you just might get a knife plunged in it. I think there's one in there now and you don't know yet. Take her for a ploy and like I said if she gives you a hard time then you know she has something to hide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I would have a problem believing any word my wife says, if she presented herself as single out there. In fact, to make her a better person who don't lie, I would have made her single by divorcing her. all the other facts you've mentioned are irrelevant. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 If you suspect her of cheating it's probably already too late. Trust your gut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
i am gutted Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 If you suspect her of cheating it's probably already too late. Trust your gut. ^^^^this .. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 funpeople All good advice so far but AA gave you the most important advice. Trust your gut. Do not let your wife explain her deceit away. Back off. Get a var in her car and watch. The truth will come out in a few weeks. Then you have decisions to make. How old are you two? How long have you been married? Any kids? HM Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Has it occurred to you that she did not SET her profile as single. That she simple did not SET it to married? How long have you been married? And really, you describe your spouse as "a hot babe"? Edited October 25, 2015 by fellini 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BHsigh Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Has it occurred to you that she did not SET her profile as single. That she simple did not SET it to married? How long have you been married? And really, you describe your spouse as "a hot babe"? Facebook doesn't default to single, it defaults to not having a relationship status, as in it doesn't show any status, single or otherwise until you change it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Facebook doesn't default to single, it defaults to not having a relationship status, as in it doesn't show any status, single or otherwise until you change it. I think he means she was single and didn't change profile upon marrying. People here are awfully quick to assume infidelity. Doesn't seem to me much to be alarmed about... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BHsigh Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I think he means she was single and didn't change profile upon marrying. People here are awfully quick to assume infidelity. Doesn't seem to me much to be alarmed about... Mr. Lucky Ah, good point, that's true. What sticks out to me though is that OP said that many of her pictures were risqué, and that it would look bad if she put that she was married, and she insinuated that she was single in many of her posts. His was of describing it makes it sound like she set it to single on purpose. He also made it sound like she was hiding the fact that she had an account in the first place. These are troubling signs that I do consider red flags. But you and Fellini have a good point, we can't know that for sure just reading OP's post. OP, how long has she had a Facebook account, before you two got together, or during your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author funpeople Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 She set it to single before we were married and then purposely did not set it to married afterwards. We've been married a few years. Except for what I showed in the original post, there's nothing obvious that she's cheating in any of the posts. There were a few posts that are revealing but I'm fine with that. One post she cut me out of a picture so that just her and another guy friend of hers were left in the picture next to each other....ouch. There were a couple of other posts showing her flirting with another guy. One guy asked her if she was married and she replied 'no' even though she was. None of this means she is cheating necessarily but it is very suspicious. Not to mention disrespectful. She was very reluctant at first but has agreed to one of those lie detector tests and claims that she will pass. We're on the verge of splitting up so she has changed her password and unfriended me. So is she cheating? I still don't know for certain but hopefully the test will shed some light on things. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 One post she cut me out of a picture so that just her and another guy friend of hers were left in the picture next to each other....ouch. There were a couple of other posts showing her flirting with another guy. One guy asked her if she was married and she replied 'no' even though she was. you need to do some soul searching... reflect on the life you have to today ask if it is worth while. do you deserve this or do you deserve better. the way she denied you outwardly and in social media. its somehow very disrespectful. how your status is single, as if she wants the world to know both of you are not actually married. in all of this, do prepare your heart. there may be a few bumps ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 She set it to single before we were married and then purposely did not set it to married afterwards. We've been married a few years. Except for what I showed in the original post, there's nothing obvious that she's cheating in any of the posts. There were a few posts that are revealing but I'm fine with that. One post she cut me out of a picture so that just her and another guy friend of hers were left in the picture next to each other....ouch. There were a couple of other posts showing her flirting with another guy. One guy asked her if she was married and she replied 'no' even though she was. None of this means she is cheating necessarily but it is very suspicious. Not to mention disrespectful. She was very reluctant at first but has agreed to one of those lie detector tests and claims that she will pass. We're on the verge of splitting up so she has changed her password and unfriended me. So is she cheating? I still don't know for certain but hopefully the test will shed some light on things. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 She set it to single before we were married and then purposely did not set it to married afterwards. We've been married a few years. Except for what I showed in the original post, there's nothing obvious that she's cheating in any of the posts. There were a few posts that are revealing but I'm fine with that. One post she cut me out of a picture so that just her and another guy friend of hers were left in the picture next to each other....ouch. There were a couple of other posts showing her flirting with another guy. One guy asked her if she was married and she replied 'no' even though she was. To me, this new info is much worse than what you originally posted. I'd hope for the best but plan for the worst... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Dude, I lot of cheaters men/ and women will load girls as guys on there phone and guys as girls on there phones. I would get a voice activated recorder and hide it in her car. Find out who she's taking to and how she's talking to them. Your problem is you are running to her with evidence that can easily be explained away. And the ONLY thing you're doing right now is teaching her how to hide it better from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funpeople Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Thanks for all for your responses. I'm just going to see what the lie detector test reveals and then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Why would she take a lie detector test if it's over between the 2 of you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 In addition to these messages, she had listed herself as single on fb. More recently, I found out she was good friends with a man that I've never seen before. His name was Celin but she referred to him as Celina so that I would think it was a woman. Listing herself in FB as single, and calling a guy "Celina" instead of "Celin" so as to fool you into think he was a woman, flat out tells you that she is cheating. There is no real reason for a faithful wife to be doing these things. Sure cheaters will always be able to come up with some far fetched reason that does not make any sense that they will expect you to believe, but again there is no logical reason for her to be doing this unless she is cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 One post she cut me out of a picture so that just her and another guy friend of hers were left in the picture next to each other....ouch. There were a couple of other posts showing her flirting with another guy. One guy asked her if she was married and she replied 'no' even though she was. Do you really need to ask if she is cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 What is the context of this Celin person? The photo. It's not very clear these "clues". When did all this happen in relation to you 2 ending it? Basically, are you saying your wife and you are splitting up and as this is ocurring you are now trying to dig stuff up on her through Facebook. Or did you know about the Facebook stuff, confront her, and now you 2 are ending it? Is she asking to break up, or you? Or both? The timeline is missing here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author funpeople Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 So our relationship is teetering on divorce but not over yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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