Will he come back?

[Lovetoohard]

The last couple of days have been bad. I don't know why. I can't point to any particular thing that triggered feelings that I thought were buried deep. I thought I was doing fine. If anything, i've been dispensing all this advice all over the board like I am all strong and healed and looks like I'm not following my own advice. My A started when I turned to my dear friend, my colleague, my xMM during a time in my life that wasn't great. I leaned on him and he has a way of inspiring me and making me feel like I am on top of the world. Puke. I know it sounds cheesy. He was my biggest cheerleader, my confidant. Right now, i am going through the job hunting process, which is destroying my confidence. my career has always been something in my life that gave me confidence and fulfillment - i am poised and in control and the best version of myself when it comes to my career...i am well respected and admired by my peers and bosses. The fact that it is off track is killing me. For anyone who wants to stop reading my "wallowing," please do. I am not proud of this moment. Yes, there are bigger things in life like terrorism, poverty, terminal illnesses, crime, etc. Yes, my silly broken heart over a man who was married, who I felt "took advantage" of me, and a job loss, pale in comparison. But I feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. I keep thinking to myself, "i am a good person...i strive to help people in need, I am kind, I am generous, I am a good daughter, sibling and friend, I treat people with respect, I often put others before myself..." so why don't I deserve happiness?

 

I am doing all the things i am supposed to do to "focus on myself " and i am trying not to lose sight of big picture, but I just needed a moment to feel sorry for myself, wallow, whine, whatever you want to call it.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Lovetoohard

[rainbowsandkittens]

I don't know if you watch "The Good Wife" but this week Alicia was talking to someone and she just said, "I hurt." And I thought, "Yes. That's it. I hurt." That's the only way to describe it. And it's ok. You can do all the right things and be all the right things and have compassion and empathy for others (including the WS) and still hurt for yourself. It's ok. Take your time. And know that many of us are going through the same thing.

[lemondrop21]

The last couple of days have been bad. I don't know why. I can't point to any particular thing that triggered feelings that I thought were buried deep. I thought I was doing fine. If anything, i've been dispensing all this advice all over the board like I am all strong and healed and looks like I'm not following my own advice. My A started when I turned to my dear friend, my colleague, my xMM during a time in my life that wasn't great. I leaned on him and he has a way of inspiring me and making me feel like I am on top of the world. Puke. I know it sounds cheesy. He was my biggest cheerleader, my confidant. Right now, i am going through the job hunting process, which is destroying my confidence. my career has always been something in my life that gave me confidence and fulfillment - i am poised and in control and the best version of myself when it comes to my career...i am well respected and admired by my peers and bosses. The fact that it is off track is killing me. For anyone who wants to stop reading my "wallowing," please do. I am not proud of this moment. Yes, there are bigger things in life like terrorism, poverty, terminal illnesses, crime, etc. Yes, my silly broken heart over a man who was married, who I felt "took advantage" of me, and a job loss, pale in comparison. But I feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. I keep thinking to myself, "i am a good person...i strive to help people in need, I am kind, I am generous, I am a good daughter, sibling and friend, I treat people with respect, I often put others before myself..." so why don't I deserve happiness?

 

I am doing all the things i am supposed to do to "focus on myself " and i am trying not to lose sight of big picture, but I just needed a moment to feel sorry for myself, wallow, whine, whatever you want to call it.

 

To be honest I am relieved that you are struggling because I'm struggling too and that's one of the things this board is for - mutual struggle! That said I'm sorry to hear that you've having such a tough time. I don't think it's wrong to take the time to wallow We all need to do it in order to move forward.

 

Sometimes dispensing advice on LS is therapeutic. It doesn't make you a fraud. We can always see others' situations much more clearly than we can see our own.

 

My career is off track too, mostly thanks to MM (ok, all thanks to MM) and the idea of updating my CV kills me because what the heck am I going to say I've been doing for the past year?? I was like you, well respected, very high achiever, quick to be promoted, until this past year. MM, on the other hand, has lined himself up to get a promotion. After supporting him at work the past year, I of course get nothing. I also got him a $3k consulting contract a couple months ago. Nice Christmas bonus for him, I bet he bought his wife something really special. I got nothing. But it's all my own fault.

 

Maybe our careers are one thing to embrace and really throw ourselves into moving forward.

 

Take care dear, lean into the pain and if you can do nothing else, just go to sleep. When you wake up hopefully it might be slightly better. I'm cheering you on.