Yvette21 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 hi all I have been married for 2 yrs, ROM in 2013 but stayed separately with hubby until after our banquet in 2014. I'm in a very upsetting situation now. His attitude towards me has changed since after we stayed together. He used to be concerned when im sick, asking if i have seen doctor etc. During this one yr of living together, there were two occassions where i have to call ambulance myself to go hospital. The very moment i called and informed him, he asked "what do u want me to do?" Then he wil pop by the hospital few hours later. We just had a quarrel over such issues. So he would say what can he do if he is there? He said other wives wouldn't make their hubby worry and bother them over such trival matter. So he asked me not to bother him abt such things in future. He is not a doctor he cant do anything even if he is there, so i should see it through myself. Being sensitive person, i checked his mobile phone. I know i shouldnt but i know something is wrong. Suddenly realised he hasn't been faithful. He has been corresponding with other girls thru whatapps and wechat, where he told them he is single. There are even obscene photos sent from girls to him, and he replied all their messages talking dirty and even arranged to meet in hotel, however always cancelled at last minute. One day, i threw him the exact scenario of what is going on between us but using other people name. I jokingly asked if he allows me to see. I said he shouldnt have anything to worry since he has been a "faithful and good" hubby. He unlocked the phone and let me browse e messages however snatched the phone when i was halfway thru, saying that there are company's confidential information which noone should see. I told him, since he said so, i believed him. He got angry and said i shouldnt be listening to other people's story and test on him. He even said i dont trust him nor love him... He said as a wife, i didnt bring him drinks when he is off from work, never cook, never make soup, never do his ironings. He said i failed my duty as a wife. It really hurts me.. I always buy buns, cakes so that he can have for his breakfast, on weekend, i made barley, cooling tea etc for him as i dont want him to fall sick, when he needs to work OT i do hsework all by myself, i do iron his clothes when i do mine but not always. I.cut fruits for him, make juices.for him.. all these are my concern for him. Yet he said i failed my duty as wife. I stayed at home when he is sick, ensure that he well taken care of. But where is he when i needed him? He said im making a fuss and pushed me off the bed. He didnt helped in housework even when im sick, he will leave it. He even said we dun need to have sex, can DIY ourselves. He doesnt wear our wedding ring, he removed it 2 days after ROM, saying inconvenient for work, which i agree so as he needs to deal wirh engines. He never bother to put it on weekend when we go out. I am really at loss.... whenever i said we having problems, he said im the one creating the problems. I pondered myself what have i done wrong, what have i done not enough to be given such trearment. Is it because i have grown fatter and uglier where pimples keep popping? What should i do now? I feel so dirty and discomfort having to sleep beside him. I cant go back my parents plc they will be worried. I feel like going missing for few days. My fren said he may make police report if i go missing more than 24 hrs. I doubt he will, seeing his attitude towards my hospitalisation, i doubt he will do so. Probably he just want a maid, permanent sex partner, a child bearing machine and someone to take care of the very old aged parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Yes, you are correct. He married you to be a maid, cook, laundry person, caregiver and possible baby machine. The reason you' re the problem, is because you got sick and inconvenienced him, and you have a mouth that questions him about his affairs. To be a "good" wife to this guy you'd basically have to be a slave and do what he says without question and act happy about it. However, I bet he'd still find some type of problem with you. It's just the way he is. Some would call it abuse, others ignorance but in this case, it really doesn't matter. You need to leave. Seriously, go home. This is only going to get worse if you stay. You may even eventually get physically hurt. Really, leave. This guy is bad news and isn't going to change. Don't waste a second more of your time there. The problem ISN'T you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Start here.... https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Your parents will be ok if you move back to them. They won't want you living the rest of your life like this. And you didn't do anything. You just married one of those men who believes he can screw as many women as he wants. I know many like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yvette21 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Whenever i bring out issues that we are facing, im always the creator of the mess. Probably he is spoilt by my in-laws, only they are dearest to him. He rushed to my in-law plc from work when my MIL had low blood sugar. When i asked can u still rmb ur wedding vows? He said, i did not keep the promise as i did not take care of him. His mother would do all things for him, food ready, served him drink without having to leave the sofa, wash and iron his clothes etc. When we shifted house.... he disappeared for half a day, never bother to take leave to help. All arrangements are done by my cousin and myself. My cousin came to help and he didnt thanked her at all. As if she is supposed to do so. I did not dare to alert my parents, they will be worried as well as my grandmother. On my wedding day, his colleagues and relatives told me my hudband is an honest guy, must treat him well. I have done my part. He didnt accompany me back to see my family, while i do see my in-laws. He finds excuses not to have dinner with my family. It is even a chore for him to pick me up somewhere near home when i OT till late. I seriously feel i need to get away from home for few days. Planning to find a hotel near workplace and checked in. Doubt he will even bother to look.for me if i never return home. If not he would be yelling say i shudnt behave this way. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Do you see any of the following signs in your marriage? Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yvette21 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 hi turnera, certain points of no. 3&4 do match. only when quarels he will say such things. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Please do not have children with him. That would be a huge mistake. He doesn't love you and you deserve a husband who treats you right. I cannot see the benefit of this marriage to you. Do you work? Can you support yourself financially? Please tell your family you are leaving him. That he does not care for you or look after you and you will not stay with him again. He will never change. His attitude shows a sense of entitlement - as though you are a lower class citizen. Just leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Great. You got married to a spoiled, entitled little shyte. Get out now. The vast majority of these guys are just a time sink with no empathy. He'll rip apart whatever is left of your self-esteem eventually. Even if you hadn't gotten sick, he would have cheated because he's that entitled. If I had to get into an ambulance, you can bet my husband would be there. He even puts up with my parents. And my husband can be a REAL JERK. (At least historically) Imagine getting pregnant with your asshat, how much fun do you think that would be! Any guy that won't help with HIS OWN MOVE isn't worth anyone else's time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yvette21 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 im working and financially independent, dont have to rely on him... this im very thankful for. Since we are not on talking terms, i still do my duties as a wife, but i have started returning home later than i used to. Cant be bothered to talk to him. Planning a staycation with frens over this weekend and i WONT be informing him of my whereabouts, as if he cares. I dont think He will even bother to report police if i never go home for days. Im being warnes in case he reports but i doubt so. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 In the country you live in, can you be prosecuted for not being with him? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 im working and financially independent, dont have to rely on him... this im very thankful for. Since we are not on talking terms, i still do my duties as a wife, but i have started returning home later than i used to. Cant be bothered to talk to him. Planning a staycation with frens over this weekend and i WONT be informing him of my whereabouts, as if he cares. I dont think He will even bother to report police if i never go home for days. Im being warnes in case he reports but i doubt so. it's good to go to your friend's. But this way its just a headgame. Plus there's a good chance it will look like adultery if you just disappear and aren't clear about your whereabouts. Why not just tell him you don't think he cares for you and that you're sick of being bitched at when you know he's a cheating dog? Quit playing games. You already know what time it is. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 what are the cultural traditions surrounding marriage where you live? Is he acting in hat some might consider "traditional' for your home country? If so, perhaps you could give him one more chance and try speaking with him to let him know what sort of treatment you will not accept from him. If you don't feel he will chnage, or even he does change but it's not enough, what are the laws surrounding leaving your marriage? Can you seek an annulment or will it need to be a divorce? either way, if you are been treated this way this early in your marriage, it likely won't get much better. In a way, you have time on your side, in that you haven't been married that long, you have no children with him, and it doesn't sound like you have many joint assets, so ending your marriage should be relatively easy. Put this guy behind you and find someone who will better suit you and your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
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