Author Oxytocin_junkie Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Dolfin80- that diagnosis has crossed my mind.. I am trying to wait and see what happens with therapy. It is comforting to have a perspective that can help me not feel like there is just something wrong with my head, though. As I wrote to cutedragon, I am just trying to handle things in a better and less self-destructive way in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Cutedragon- I don't think he intends to make me walk on eggshells. A lot of it is me sensing his anger, and becoming anxious as a result- likely because of past incidents. I'm sure a woman without this history would command more respect, but I don't know how to act like that. And it makes me feel pathetic. I am not emotionally or financially prepared to leave. And therapy could help. Either way, I would like to learn to handle things in a manner that leaves me with some self-respect. This will also allow me to make any possibly difficult decisions in the future if it comes down to it. Thank you for your response. The budget thing made me laugh. All you are saying describes an abusive dynamic. Poor bully doesn't mean to be abusive. I'm sure he was the victim of whatever happened to him to bring him to who he is, but you are the victim now in this situation. The next victim will be your daughter who will absorb the dynamic and go looking for an ******* for a partner. It's normal that you are not ready to leave and you may not be for a while. The starting point of comanding respect is defending who you are. Hubby asks for sex. You don't want it you say no. He throws a fit. you tell him to go to therapy. He wants a blowjob, you don't. Say no. I suspect he's not going to like it, but try refusing at least one in four times. See how it is to say no and and that happening. You need to see that you have a saying in what happens to you to feel strong. The nextpoint would be to define yourself outside being married to him and live as such. Ask yourself what choices you'd make if he wasn't in th picture.Maybe you'd order something else when out, maybe you'd skip the fries for the toddler, whatever it is turn the volume down on your hibby's opinions and expectations and find and live your own. Dim him out of your life. You can actually vizuallize that he has a di.mer and you turn it low whenever he triggers you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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