LookAtThisPOst Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Saw this woman with a profile that it looks like we have a lot in common. Even some geek culture references and some rather common, traditional beliefs. In the last paragraph, she gives fair warning that "She likes to keep busy" and only is able to log into the dating site no more than once a week and "I may not the even get the time to write you back" And that being said, she said, "I want to thank you...ahead of time...for writing and good luck in your search." Now, I'm seeing a series of contradictions here, coupled with a rather dismissive "good luck in your search." I guess her attempt at finding a boyfriend is going to be curtailed by that she "likes to keep busy"....by herself more so than she would a future boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 perhaps she's looking for someone to stay busy with her. If you've got so much in common, it shouldn't be hard to find things to do together. Think about it this way--would you rather she was looking for someone to save her from her life of boredom? The kind that become clingers because they have no other interests? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I would suggest moving on to the next profile LATP There's no need to worry about her nor what she chooses to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) perhaps she's looking for someone to stay busy with her. Well, actually, that was my point. My response would be, to her..."Um, you like to stay busy and you rarely log into the dating site, so wouldn't you want to someone to be busy...with you?" She gives the impression, that she prefers to busy more so ALONE than she would a prospective partner. I think this is kind of a clause that some people throw into their profiles in case they decide to flake. It's like blowing a guy off before they ask you out, but they're stating it in a profile. Edited October 25, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Do you like her? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) I'm not seeing a red flag at all. It actually sounds to me that she was preemptively softening the blow for not writing guys back who don't interest her. Or to excuse herself in advance if it takes her several days to get back to someone she likes. Probably both. I guarantee you that when she comes across a guy who interests her, she will find the time. Saw this woman with a profile that it looks like we have a lot in common. Even some geek culture references and some rather common, traditional beliefs. In the last paragraph, she gives fair warning that "She likes to keep busy" and only is able to log into the dating site no more than once a week and "I may not the even get the time to write you back" And that being said, she said, "I want to thank you...ahead of time...for writing and good luck in your search." Now, I'm seeing a series of contradictions here, coupled with a rather dismissive "good luck in your search." I guess her attempt at finding a boyfriend is going to be curtailed by that she "likes to keep busy"....by herself more so than she would a future boyfriend? Edited October 25, 2015 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Odinani Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Do you like her? How can he know whether he likes her when he has never met her or spoken to her or even messaged her? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Well, actually, that was my point. My response would be, to her..."Um, you like to stay busy and you rarely log into the dating site, so wouldn't you want to someone to be busy...with you?" She gives the impression, that she prefers to busy more so ALONE than she would a prospective partner. I think this is kind of a clause that some people throw into their profiles in case they decide to flake. It's like blowing a guy off before they ask you out, but they're stating it in a profile. Apparently, she is interested in finding someone to be busy "with" or she wouldn't have posted on a dating site in the first place. Do you expect her to put her life on hold & sit around doing nothing in until someone comes along to snatch her from the jaws of loneliness? Just curious, though, as to how she gives the impression that she prefers to be alone if you haven't even spoken with her-- and why you seem to be so put off by her independence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I'm not seeing a red flag at all. It actually sounds to me that she was preemptively softening the blow for not writing guys back who don't interest her. Or to excuse herself in advance if it takes her several days to get back to someone she likes. Probably both. I guarantee you that when she comes across a guy who interests her, she will find the time. This is probably it. I'm guessing this is an attractive girl who gets a lot of messages. She feels bad for not replying to the guys who she's not interested in, or having to tell each one of them straight that it's not going to happen. This way she's already giving guys an excuse if they never hear from her. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 It sounds like she is letting you know she operates independently for a good portion of her time and she needs someone who is okay with this. It also sounds like she values being busy and she is hoping to seem more attractive as to a like minded person who values being busy too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 I had Googled "Addicted to being busy", and quite a few topics/articles have been written on this problem in someone. Apparently, this constant need to be busy can actually be problematic when it comes to relationships with other people. Signs You May be Addicted to Busyness | RELEVANT Magazine https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/owning-pink/201404/are-you-addicted-being-busy These are just a couple of many examples, where this is seen as a legitimate problem or personality flaw in an individual. I didn't know that it was as I think some people use it as an excuse or a "back peddle" clause used when it comes to dating. Chances are, if she was forum poster here looking for advice for a profile critique, it's a big possibility that she be advise to leave that section out of her profile. It's like calling it off before it's even started. But it became a realization of sorts when I researched, "addicted to being busy" was an actual problem. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Are you worried about her? Interested in her? I don't understand the concern about the profile of this woman. It doesn't sound like you'd be compatible, or that you're impressed with her profile. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 I had Googled "Addicted to being busy", and quite a few topics/articles have been written on this problem in someone. Apparently, this constant need to be busy can actually be problematic when it comes to relationships with other people. Signs You May be Addicted to Busyness | RELEVANT Magazine https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/owning-pink/201404/are-you-addicted-being-busy These are just a couple of many examples, where this is seen as a legitimate problem or personality flaw in an individual. I didn't know that it was as I think some people use it as an excuse or a "back peddle" clause used when it comes to dating. Chances are, if she was forum poster here looking for advice for a profile critique, it's a big possibility that she be advise to leave that section out of her profile. It's like calling it off before it's even started. But it became a realization of sorts when I researched, "addicted to being busy" was an actual problem. There's a difference between liking to do something & being addicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) There's a difference between liking to do something & being addicted. Well, that's where this situation can be subjective. I would think if she put it in her profile, it's likely an addiction. The "Sorry, I may be too busy to date, even though I got a dating profile." A person like her has no business with online dating if they claim to be THAT busy (if it's even true.) It defeats the purpose of their presence online. Edited October 25, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Well, that's where this situation can be subjective. I would think if she put it in her profile, it's likely an addiction. The "Sorry, I may be too busy to date, even though I got a dating profile." A person like her has no business with online dating if they claim to be THAT busy (if it's even true.) It defeats the purpose of their presence online. But look how much attention her profile got from you! I'd say she's doing something right. I bet she'll get plenty messages and will have her choice of men who match her lifestyle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 But look how much attention her profile got from you! I'd say she's doing something right. I bet she'll get plenty messages and will have her choice of men who match her lifestyle. In this area, she's likely not to. I live in a rather backwater area where couples are pretty much around each other 24/7. ESP. if they have kids. From HER perspective, she'll likely run into a lot of men that expect her to be around a considerable amount. I used to have a group of friends around here I hung out with, as soon as they got married, they fell completely off the radar and these couples are very "needy" for each other. Some even hooked up at work, married their co-workers, come to work together, go on lunch break together, and of course, go home together...and they are perfectly happy. She would, of course, not be so content in such an arrangement. She just moved to the area, and will be in for a rude awakening as a woman who values her spare time. Just saying. She may be better off relocating to the big city. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 In this area, she's likely not to. I live in a rather backwater area where couples are pretty much around each other 24/7. ESP. if they have kids. From HER perspective, she'll likely run into a lot of men that expect her to be around a considerable amount. I used to have a group of friends around here I hung out with, as soon as they got married, they fell completely off the radar and these couples are very "needy" for each other. Some even hooked up at work, married their co-workers, come to work together, go on lunch break together, and of course, go home together...and they are perfectly happy. She would, of course, not be so content in such an arrangement. She just moved to the area, and will be in for a rude awakening as a woman who values her spare time. Just saying. She may be better off relocating to the big city. I wouldn't worry about her, if I were you. If she's bidding potential emailers a good day before even receiving their emails, she is no doubt getting a lot more interest than she needs. She'll get those occasional dinner dates she desires. She may even get lucky once in a while! Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) I admit to being confused by this whole thread. If you are saying that the guys in your area will be too needy and judgmental about her"independence", then what are you being by writing this thread? (And even going through the trouble of posting links to "prove" how "wrong" she is) As mentioned before, even extremely busy people find the time for a relationship when they meet someone who really does it for them. I agree w xxoo. This girl doesn't need your concern. Edited October 26, 2015 by Imajerk17 4 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 You should send her a message and tell her to move. Clearly she doesn't know what's expected of her yet. Also send the links you found. She may not know she has this problem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 It sounds like she had already copped abuse by impatient men for not replying immediately. It happens. I agree that it does sound odd and offputting. Pass Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) She is probably trying to fend off impatient suitors. It's amazing how rude some men can be if you don't respond to their message right away - as if you're not allowed to have a job or be busy with a life! Still, I think that she could have phrased it better. Like instead of "I may not even respond to you" she could have said "I will try and respond to you but please don't be offended if I don't right away." Edited October 26, 2015 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 It's an "out". Nothing more. A reason for her to get out of responding to people. Why are you reading so much into this? It's over-analysis. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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