Author Dyeinghere Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 You are probably right. Don't want to confront him again just like to snoop around in his life a little see if he had any consequences from his actions. Like I said finding out didn't stop me from loving her because what I felt was deep,just wished instead of accepting her saying she couldn't when I asked if she wanted to be with him she said I can't he's married. If I had packed her up and she started. On conversation about working on us I would have known I was her top choice instead of she couldn't have him so she stayed with me. But then again she could have kept being his mistress hoping someday. Unless they had had the conversation between themselves and he said he wouldn't leave his family or couldn't and that's why he and her would fight and argue I know they did not see eye to eye on something because he said in his letter she didn't talk to him much unless they were fighting,arguing, or whatever and he really liked the whatever but he planned to keep her around a long time. He then signed it I Love You and his first initial. Or maybe her guilt was getting the better of her and like she said it was about over. I knew my wife pretty good and if she loved him she wouldn't have wanted to be the side woman for ever. Don't guess I knew her well enough to have been suspicious of her spending a lot of time under false reasons. I trusted her beyond belief and paid for it. Yes I do own my part for not seeking solution to our libedo differences. Manly pride got in the way didn't want anyone to know I wasn't always her to have sex. My Bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dyeinghere Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I do have appointment with a counselor next week it's a female don't know if that's good or bad we will see I guess. Don't really know what to say to her but guess I'll figure it out Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 So, why on earth would your wife makes such an illogical, unethical, unhealthy, destructive, and immoral choice? After being thru this ans being here for a long time, I see the choice to have an affair stemming from one of three things: (1) An excessive need for external validation - for some people the love and affection of others is irresistable due to low self-worth and they'll take the validation wherever they can get it (2) Severe conflict avoidance - instead of resolving issues, they avoid them until resentment builds; unresolved resentment will kill a relationship (3) An overdeveloped sense of entitlement - some people believe that they deserve everything that life has to offer, even if it means risking that someone else may get hurt. Sometimes there's a toxic combination of these traits. What's interesting is that NONE of these have anything to do with the betrayed spouse. They have everything to do with the wayward. Many would argue that these traits were developed during childhood via their family of origin. Perhaps they never felt love and acceptance, perhaps the family was full of conflict-avoidance, or perhaps the family fostered a sense of entitlement. Much like the use of drugs or alcohol, having an affair is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Great post as usual from BetrayedH The above info is a great summary of your standard WS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dyeinghere Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I get some relief posting here and getting feed back. I know I must seem all over the place, but I have real problem getting my thoughts together. I loved my WW and think I have forgave her but I still have the anger especially since I can't get some answers from her but the advice I get here helps even if it may not be exactly what she was thinking and feeling Link to post Share on other sites
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