troubled marrage

[baily]

I work out of town a lot and during my last three month

 

job I spent too much money parting with the guys. One of them took me out on a binge that involved alcohol and drugs.

 

The drugs are very out of character for me since I have not

 

done them in the past, nor do I plan on doing them in the

 

future. NO women were involved and I admited my mistakes

 

when I came home.

 

obviously this has eroded the trust my wife had in me. I

 

do love her deeply and will do anything to make it right.

 

I have already been offered work that will aloww me to stay home on a permenant basis, but I don'nt think it will

 

be enough. I have two months too change her mind or else

 

when school ends so does my marrage. HELP!!!!

[Tony T]

First of all, it was pretty foolish to disclose this binge that will never happen again.

 

Secondly, your wife should have understood when she married you that she was marrying a fallible human being who was not perfect. She should jump for joy at your honesty in telling her this stuff she really didn't need to.

 

If she can't forgive you and let this go by, then she's pretty worthless as a wife. If in a marriage you aren't free to be an imperfect human being, then you are not in a marriage. A wife who cannot handle the freely given confession of a husband probably has other reasons for not wanting to...other than the event itself.

 

You have NO power whatsoever to change her mind. So it is HER who has two months to change HER mind. If she has a will to change it, she could have changed it already. You are nuts to even participate in this.

 

Being yourself is all you can do. If she is meaning that you have to kiss her butt for two months, give it up.

 

She has not evolved spiritually to the point where she has learned appropriate forgiveness. I mean it is not like you went out and screwed some woman. You made some serious mistakes though. This is NOT about trust. This is about her knowing you well enough to know you have never done this before and you will never do this again.

 

You give HER one week to change her mind. If she doesn't get off her high horse, get a divorce because you will have a lot of trouble on your hands in the future with this woman.

 

People make decisions to do what they do. How do you feel about being married to a woman who has made a decision, following your honesty, not to trust you? How do you feel about a wife who has made the decision to give you a few months to change into something you already are??? This is juvenile stuff.

 

YOU are the one who should be pissed here.

 

Don't say anything to her about this, she just won't get it. I'm afraid you got yourself into a pickle here. Now, I really hope this works out for you. I am in a different place than you and if a wife gave me such a deal, I would call a moving van...FOR HER!!!

[Laurynn]

You mentioned that you spent "too much money" while out partying with the guys. Is this a common occurence? Seeing how you work out of town a lot, are you often out with 'the boys' drinking and such? Does the money you spend doing so, interfere with the bills back home? (example: rent (mortgage), utility bills, money for groceries, car payments, insurance..basically, "the basics"??).....Do you two have children? Are things tough financially for you two?

 

Of course I could be wrong, but I sense from your post (and your wife's reaction) that although this might be the first time you did drugs, this maybe isn't the first time you've been away working, and blown a lot of money on partying. Is this where the real problem lies?

 

I take it the job you're working now, the one which keeps you working out of town for long periods, that you've had this job for quite a while?

 

Did you let her know that you have the opportunity to take a job that will let you stay at home permanently (not "at home", but not out of town)?? If so, what did she say? What was her response? Wasn't she happy to hear this?

 

Do you have a problem with alcohol at all? Has your wife ever told you you had one? Do you frequently spend a lot of money on drinking, when working out of town?

 

Laurynn