Krashi Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Just so we are clear... Are you accusing all OW of being abusers? Wouldn't you agree that infidelity is emotional abuse toward the betrayed? Have you read the stories of the betrayed folks on here and the effect of the betrayal upon them, Most are devastated. So, if one participates in an action, infidelity, that traumatizes another, needlessly, yes, I think that person is emotionally abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I think his point about sexually abused was to show he had suffered that pain and the pain of infidelity . It wasn't irrelevant... It also wouldn't harm to remind the OW and OM that there is a BS in the mix of the affair.. because it doesn't seem like the OW/OM spare a second thinking about the BS. If they are mentioned.. it's usually to demonise them. I am completely baffled how some that chet with married people never consider the innocent spouse or children they are affecting. I could not imagine doing this to another person who had never harmed me in any way. I feel we each owe a duty of care to one another, as human beings ( and to animals, too). The fact that i have no contractual or other type of relationship with the injured party has no bearing. If I find a wallet on the street, don't I have some moral duty to try to find its owner, even if i have no relationship with that person? If a cashier give me wrong change in my favor, do I just accept it without notifying the person? I see the argument from OM and OW that, simply because they themselves had no contract with the betrayed, they are innocent, despite participating in it s breach and the attendant damage to the betrayed spouse and children. I find this philosophy mind boggling and repugnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Agree also that to engage knowingly in a secret affair is emotionally abusive towards the unsuspecting partner. How could it not be? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Agree also that to engage knowingly in a secret affair is emotionally abusive towards the unsuspecting partner. How could it not be? My impression, reading these posts from AP's of married people is that in a large % of the cases, no thought whatsoever is given to the betrayed spouse or children of the married person. It seems all that is discussed is the relationship with the cheating spouse and all the ups and downs and drama etc. Not a thought of what it is going to be like for the innocent people that will be hurt. What kind of mental gymnastics does it take to block that huge consideration out? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 would this discussion be better served in it's own thread? It doesn't seem to be related to OP. OP how are you getting on? Is there a further update? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I disagree that all OW are abusers. I don't come here to feel superior. I come here to push back a little against people who feel they can be judge, jury and executioner to people who come here for help and advice. When I was in my short stint as OW I was treated so terribly here by BS's that I had nowhere to turn. Do you feel berating OW helps? NO. It makes you a bully. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 My impression, reading these posts from AP's of married people is that in a large % of the cases, no thought whatsoever is given to the betrayed spouse or children of the married person. It seems all that is discussed is the relationship with the cheating spouse and all the ups and downs and drama etc. Not a thought of what it is going to be like for the innocent people that will be hurt. What kind of mental gymnastics does it take to block that huge consideration out? BECAUSE THIS IS THE SUPPORT FORUM FOR OW/OM. If you want to support BS... go to that forum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 BECAUSE THIS IS THE SUPPORT FORUM FOR OW/OM. If you want to support BS... go to that forum. Oh, support, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Yes. If you will read the official description found at the top of the page: The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) OW don't need to be told that. They know there is a BS and how much or how little that plays into the emr is up to the OW. Your guilt trip is meaningless, OT and I am through addressing it. Most OW feel bad about the BS. It may take some time to realize as it did me, but you are not helping. And, ohmygod my relationship has never, ever been abusive. I know it helps you sleep at night but it is wasted breath. Edited December 7, 2015 by goodyblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 When I was in my short stint as OW I was treated so terribly here by BS's that I had nowhere to turn. A lot of BSs are seriously angry. When I was a BS, I was too, but I didn't stay that way, obviously. There is a time when you just have to get the eff over it. I mean, really. I'm going to wear the "martyr badge" of the long-suffering BS for the rest of my life and point fingers at OWs who were likely sold a long bill of goods? Makes no sense at all. I personally don't want to carry around all that anger at my exH's OW. I don't want to carry around a lot of anger at MM. It's history for a reason. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 It's not just that it's history. It's also you realizing you're going to be responsibility for your own happiness and not let some idiot hold sway over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I don't blame BS for their feelings. I just don't think bashing strangers helps. We are not Krashi's wife. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WestEndGirl Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 It's not just that it's history. It's also you realizing you're going to be responsibility for your own happiness and not let some idiot hold sway over it. Well, that goes for all three people involved -- the WS, the BS and the OP. Problem is, we all move at our own pace, and some of us are better "mover-on-ers" than others! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Let's please post to the topic, thread jacks are not allowed, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts