Letters from the old BF/GFs?

[Morro72]

A decade +/- ago I cleaned out my closet and came across a box of letters from my old girlfriends. I had always figured I would reread them at some point and rethink those old relationships with the benefit of some more life experience, and for whatever reason that seemed like the time to do so. I expected to learn a lot, or at least something, in the process.

 

What I found surprised and appalled me. These records of what I remembered as passionate, cataclysmic, all-encompassing love affairs were the crudest, most superficial claptrap I've ever seen. After looking at a few of them I chucked the whole box, and have never regretted doing so.

 

What I'm wondering is whether anyone has ever gained any real insight (into anything) from revisiting this sort of stuff and at what point in your life you did so. Also, has anyone ever tossed out a pile of these things and regretted it later?

[jen1447]

Sounds like the insight you gained is that it was all claptrap.

 

I assume you're not still in love with these women? Rose colored glasses syndrome ....when we'e in love, the stupidest thing looks charming, but when we're not it just looks stupid.

[understand50]

A decade +/- ago I cleaned out my closet and came across a box of letters from my old girlfriends. I had always figured I would reread them at some point and rethink those old relationships with the benefit of some more life experience, and for whatever reason that seemed like the time to do so. I expected to learn a lot, or at least something, in the process.

 

What I found surprised and appalled me. These records of what I remembered as passionate, cataclysmic, all-encompassing love affairs were the crudest, most superficial claptrap I've ever seen. After looking at a few of them I chucked the whole box, and have never regretted doing so.

 

What I'm wondering is whether anyone has ever gained any real insight (into anything) from revisiting this sort of stuff and at what point in your life you did so. Also, has anyone ever tossed out a pile of these things and regretted it later?

 

My wife and I have our letters between us, when we first were falling in love and thinking about getting married. We also have letters from friends and such. They are, what they are. Letters between a 17 year old and a 19 year old, full of hope, and longing to be together. Not poetry, bad English and spelling, mostly what was going on in our day, and what we were going to do to each other when we got together. Just us talking to each other. For, myself I have reread them in a dark time in our marriage, to remind myself of the girl I married, and to get back some idea of our early innocent times. It helped.

 

I think, when you read your, they had no meaning as the girl(s) are out of your life. Maybe that is the key, if they were from your wife, you would have kept them.

 

Just a my 2 cents.

[MJJean]

I chucked letters and such at the end of each relationship. Never saw any point to lugging around junk that had no relevance to my life and never would again.

 

I have had similar experiences meeting old flames, though. After some years, the exes seem a lot less awesome. I think DH raised the bar.

[veggirl]

I don't have any of that old stuff. That stuff might get saved for a while but it's in the trash if I ever have to move or do a spring cleaning.

[SolG]

I have one of those boxes. It has letters, cards, tokens, photos, etc, from xH, old BFs, friends and relatives. On top of that, I still even have my wedding dress and every wedding card, and every card rec'd when my daughter was born and the t-shirt I wore while giving birth. I dried pretty much all the roses out of every bunch of flowers my xH ever bought me and still use them as potpourri. And I could go on!

 

But I don't keep any of this because I think it'll deliver great insight. I keep it because I'm sentimental. I do from time to time drag stuff out and nostalgically reminisce. Some of those old love letters are absolutely hilarious now! And the letters from my father--dead more than twenty years now--invariably make me smile and cry in turns. I even popped the wedding dress on for my daughter earlier this year.

 

It's all part of my history, and I'll never throw any of it out.

[Davey L]

I keep them all. I haven't looked at them in 10 years but I remember all those girls fondly and I'd never throw out those letters.

[BlueDress]

I have every card and letter I ever got. I re-read them seasonally. Display the cards every holiday, birthday. I like going back and reading the notes and looking at the pictures.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I kept all of the old love lettrs from my ex who left me out of the blue, my parents suggested I not throw them away straight away (maybe they thought it was a tiff, I don't know). So there's a box with them and other things from my past in, I honestly wouldn't care if they disappeared to be honest, they don't mean anything to me anymore and I'd happily toss them if my boyfriend had an issue with it, but I guess I just haven't gotten round to opening that box. There's a lot of pretty painful stuff in there to be honest, things from my late Mom, so it would be quite draining and I'm happy to leave it there!

 

But yes, I read them a couple of years ago a year after the breakup and it was enlightening how insincere he was once I found out how the relationship ended... for example he loved to write proper love letters on fancy paper with a fountain pen and he wrote loads when he was in the Navy. But they said things like how he'll always love me, how now he's found me he'll never let go, he'll spend the rest of his life proving to me how much I mean to him... we barely lasted two years and he left me haha. As my best friend said, everyone says those things in relationships. She pointed out she has a plastic flower in her bathroom her ex gave her, saying his love will only die for her when that flower dies *vom*... they split and he's married with a kid now!

 

It showed me that words are just words and nothing is a guarantee. That even though someone might want at one point to be with someone forever, they might change their mind. It wasn't a bad realisation to be honest. It made me realise how fickle people are and how words are cheap. It taught me not to put too much stock into the stuff people say when they're infatuated or in love. It's just words.

[OldRover]

I could see a strong point to dump stuff from an ex., especially if there's a new SO in your life. No point in keeping it.

 

As for memorabilia, stuff from kids, parents, good friend, etc.... and your current SO... sure keep em.

 

My problem is that there's SO much, I've been converting them to files, and dumping the originals, unless they are just priceless. Too much junk to keep more than just the best of them.

[froz]

I've done this too, looked back on old letters.

[SkyBry]

When we first got married, my wife found my 'old letter drawer'... basically, the bottom drawer of my desk. I always put my letters there, although I never went back and read them.

 

Anyway, they went into the trash that night... and I've never regretted it. (And reading your words, now I'm glad they did... *wry grin*)

 

 

-Cray

[MuddyFootprints]

I hope I still have my box from high school somewhere with all those specially folded notes. There are some books, posters, guitar picks, newspaper clippings and old ticket stubs that I'd really like to see again.

 

My kids would get a huge kick out of it!

 

Oh, the drivel.

[Morro72]

Sounds like the insight you gained is that it was all claptrap.

 

I assume you're not still in love with these women? Rose colored glasses syndrome ....when we'e in love, the stupidest thing looks charming, but when we're not it just looks stupid.

Well, the exception is the letters I've kept - the ones from my now-wife, starting years before we were married, when we were "just" friends. They are as fresh and interesting now as they were when they were written. Definitely not claptrap.

 

What scares me is that, as idiotic as these letters seemed to me when I last read them, the ones I wrote must have been even worse. I hope they are rotting in landfills somewhere.

 

Still in love with any of them? Only in the sense that I might "love" a class that I took in high school or college. When I was younger I looked back on them as alternate lives that would have been different from, but as satisfactory as, the one I chose. Now they look more like necessary learning experiences - turn in the final exam and you're done, you don't stay in English 341 forever.

[Morro72]

When we first got married, my wife found my 'old letter drawer'... basically, the bottom drawer of my desk. I always put my letters there, although I never went back and read them.

 

Anyway, they went into the trash that night... and I've never regretted it. (And reading your words, now I'm glad they did... *wry grin*)

 

 

-Cray

Interestingly enough, my wife never asked to look through the letters, never expressed an opinion about my keeping them, and was completely indifferent when I told her I was pitching them.

 

Or appeared to be. Good poker face, maybe?

[Spectre]

No reason to keep letters from old girlfriends though. Especially if you are with someone new. Since If you're in a relationship there should never ever be a situation where you are inclined to go re-read these letters.