joseb Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Yeah stop with the stalking. I know from personal experience that this is really really unhealthy and upsetting. He's probably on there cause he is upset, and looking for some validation to fill the void. It doesn't really mean much. Seriously though, unless you want to drive yourself nuts, block him on OKcupid and other social media. It really is the best way to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 He's back on OKC though. So was I nothing? He used to say he wanted to marry me. I know it was a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship that I don't need or want to be in but... Am I nothing? I lived with him for a year for christs sake. He's just doing what you're doing, pretending the break up doesn't matter and attempting to fill the void. It's got nothing to do with you, and everything to do with denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 He's back on OKC though. So was I nothing?Don't do this to yourself. He could be on there for any number of reasons. After every major heartbreak in the last seven years, I helped heal myself by going through a string of flings or ONS. It works for me and it might work for him. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've been on OKC for a year solely just to meet friends since I'm semi new to the area. Did you all break up because he caught you on okc making new friends? Maybe he's just feeling like he could use a new friend too, and since it was working so well for you.... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Stop stalking him. You aren't together any more. He can do as he pleases. Don't use dating sites to make friends. There are plenty of sites for making friends. Try meetup dot com. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Stop stalking him. You aren't together any more. He can do as he pleases. Don't use dating sites to make friends. There are plenty of sites for making friends. Try meetup dot com. Ditto. I never understood people who use dating sites to make friends. There are plenty of other ways; I say that because you having a profile on a dating site while with your ex-boyfriend looks sketchy on your part, OP. (If I understand the situation correctly) Anyway, to help yourself move on, don't check what he's doing online. It will only hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Every time you check on his status, you go back to him mentally.You are not taking a step forward to move on which should be your goal. He knows you are going to check and that gives him power to hurt you even more. Dont do this to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've been on it a while and he's known, and it strictly says looking for friends. I just happened to see it... I'm not stalking. He's not on any social media so I don't have to worry about that and he's not contacting me so we're good there too. That's nothing to do with the breakup, but when we were dating he was still reaching out to random girls as a single guy via craigslist for "friends" or FWB. I am moving on but that doesn't mean I don't feel what I feel after sharing my life with this man for a year. Like doesn't he miss me? It ended so terribly on his part... It just sucks. The year of verbal and emotional abuse from this man who "loves me" has left me very worn and hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Abusive men ALWAYS move very fast and equally fast break up. Before you know it, he will have another girl in his arms. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 when we were dating he was still reaching out to random girls as a single guy via craigslist for "friends" or FWB. And you're surprised that now you're broken up, he is back on OKC? You can't be serious?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've been on it a while and he's known, and it strictly says looking for friends. I just happened to see it... I'm not stalking. He's not on any social media so I don't have to worry about that and he's not contacting me so we're good there too. That's nothing to do with the breakup, but when we were dating he was still reaching out to random girls as a single guy via craigslist for "friends" or FWB. I am moving on but that doesn't mean I don't feel what I feel after sharing my life with this man for a year. Like doesn't he miss me? It ended so terribly on his part... It just sucks. The year of verbal and emotional abuse from this man who "loves me" has left me very worn and hurt. Who says he "Loves you"? Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've been on it a while and he's known, and it strictly says looking for friends. I just happened to see it... I'm not stalking. He's not on any social media so I don't have to worry about that and he's not contacting me so we're good there too. That's nothing to do with the breakup, but when we were dating he was still reaching out to random girls as a single guy via craigslist for "friends" or FWB. I am moving on but that doesn't mean I don't feel what I feel after sharing my life with this man for a year. Like doesn't he miss me? It ended so terribly on his part... It just sucks. The year of verbal and emotional abuse from this man who "loves me" has left me very worn and hurt. So let me get this straight. You're seeking validation of your worth from some lying, cheating, sneaky, deceitful skeeve who was trawling the Craigslist cesspool for women when he was supposedly committed to you, and was verbally and emotionally abusive to you on top of it. Is that correct? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 I'm not seeking validation. He said he loved me. And I'm not surprised...just trying to deal with my emotions is all. I don't know why everyone is bring so harsh. None of this has exactly been easy. I don't want to be with him and as terrible as he's been, it's made it easier. That doesn't mean I feel great... It feels like I didn't mean anything to him after all we've been through. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) OP ... I'm really sorry you're experiencing this ... Must have felt like a stab in the heart ... Those are painful. As for your ex ... If he was still trawling for "friends" when you were together ... He isn't true loving boyfriend material ... And his heart is evidently shut off so maybe it was easier for him to move on. That's on him ... I personally think less of him as a person and feel sorry for him. You meant as much as was possible to him for someone of his ilk. Please do not let his behavior affect your sense of self worth ... You're doing yourself a disservice by allowing someone who's detached emotionally to rate your value ... Don't let anyone take away your self confidence ... No one has the right to do that so do not give away that super power you possess ok? Your wounds will heal from this yes ... But next time be careful who you allow into your good heart. This guy is a Cad ... Good riddance ... He needs to be on OKSatan Edited November 5, 2015 by StBreton 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hey, So I guess I'm doing better than I thought. I haven't really cried yet. He's back on OKC though. So was I nothing? He used to say he wanted to marry me. I know it was a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship that I don't need or want to be in but... Am I nothing? I lived with him for a year for christs sake. Ugh. I'm disgusted. I'm sad. I miss him. I know I'll be okay but right now I want to puke... P.S. I've been on OKC for a year solely just to meet friends since I'm semi new to the area. I've actually met a couple Gf's and one nice guy friend. The thought of a relationship at this point is pretty much unimaginable... Yes, you feel what you feel. However, he doesn't deserve to have a woman who is feeling this way about him. Make this about you. He was SAYING a lot of things, but how did he make you feel in between saying those things. I kinda doubt you were feeling good in this relationship. And, instead of asking "Am I nothing?", remind yourself that he is and has nothing you want or need and that you have something to give and bring to a relationship and that you deserve to have someone who will do the same for you. You aren't missing or loving HIM, you are missing having the man you wanted him to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
roxan Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Hey, So I guess I'm doing better than I thought. I haven't really cried yet. He's back on OKC though. So was I nothing? He used to say he wanted to marry me. I know it was a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship that I don't need or want to be in but... Am I nothing? I lived with him for a year for christs sake. Ugh. I'm disgusted. I'm sad. I miss him. I know I'll be okay but right now I want to puke... P.S. I've been on OKC for a year solely just to meet friends since I'm semi new to the area. I've actually met a couple Gf's and one nice guy friend. The thought of a relationship at this point is pretty much unimaginable... Sorry about the upsetting experience of seeing your ex move on so quickly, but mens are just like that It's like as soon as a relationship finishes,they are immediately on the prowl. I was with a guy during 4 years,and like your ex,he immediately went on to dating sites when it finished (I knew because his housemate told me) and like you I got upset that he would be looking at new dates so quickly,and it was like 4 years together were nothing to him. But that made me realize that if a guy is so quick to forget about you after a long term relationship, then he was certainly not worth it,and you should not give him any second thoughts anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Sorry about the upsetting experience of seeing your ex move on so quickly, but mens are just like that It's like as soon as a relationship finishes,they are immediately on the prowl. Hey easy on the generalisations there! I've always found my exes move on a lot easier than me personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 Thanks guys. I think I'm doing okay. I still haven't cried which is weirding me out but I just keep reminding myself of how ****ty he became and all the terrible things he did. I'm also mad at myself for wasting time with someone who didn't support my music and ambitions in life. I do seem to be struggling with depression in general again, so just trying to take care of myself and fight that off. I'm not sure why I'm doing so well with the breakup this time round (I'm usually a mess crying on the floor) but I'll take it lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 Woke up this morn to a text from him at 4am saying "may I talk to you?" Idk what to do. I've honestly be so weirdly okay. I still haven't cried. I guess I could talk to him to see what he has to say but if he says anything dumb or tries to tear me down I can just start NC again. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 At 4am? Could be a drunk text, a booty call . I'd wait until he sends another texts during "normal" hours. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Woke up this morn to a text from him at 4am saying "may I talk to you?" Idk what to do. I've honestly be so weirdly okay. I still haven't cried. I guess I could talk to him to see what he has to say but if he says anything dumb or tries to tear me down I can just start NC again. Any thoughts? It's a bit too soon for him to have gone through some therapy about his lying and cheating and him being resolved about his chasing other women on craigslist, so chances are, he was: 1. drunk texting 2. horny and wanted to see if you were easy to get back into bed 3. his mind being torn up with how dishonestly and contemptuously he treated you. ^^I doubt he was there with it... that's not 4am text material; that requires a call or in person talk. Texting is for managing a protracted conversation that can easily head off into the weeds. Well, you can either wait for him to contact you again or you can call him and ask him what he wants--no texting. If an apology, atonement and commitment to a policy of complete transparency isn't forthcoming within the first 2 minutes of talking to him, then set him adrift, block him (which he should have been anyways) and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Woke up this morn to a text from him at 4am saying "may I talk to you?" Idk what to do. I've honestly be so weirdly okay. I still haven't cried. I guess I could talk to him to see what he has to say but if he says anything dumb or tries to tear me down I can just start NC again. Any thoughts? NO CONTACT!!!!!!! I can just start NC again.--You will find yourself in a stop go, stop go cycle for a long time while prolonging the pain. He doesn't exist anymore . . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 His sister is visiting and he's up at 7am for work anyway so I don't think it was drunk or a booty call... He knows better that I wouldn't do that anyway. All I ever want from him at this point is an honest apology and I think you're right... It's too soon for him to be sorry. I'll hold off. Thanks guys 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 His sister is visiting and he's up at 7am for work anyway so I don't think it was drunk or a booty call... He knows better that I wouldn't do that anyway. All I ever want from him at this point is an honest apology and I think you're right... It's too soon for him to be sorry. I'll hold off. Thanks guys It's too soon for him to be sorry. - Given the history, he will never be sorry. Even if he says he is, it'll be lip service. And, he might say sorry right now only because the situation is "fresh", but after some time passes, he won't be feeling sorry, if he even is now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 Also, oddly enough I don't feel any pain this time around. All times prior I can't eat, sleep... Usually a crying mess. This time around I don't feel anything. I Actually feel relieved. It's odd but awesome. Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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