Feeling cruddy about breakup... He has NPD? [Updated]

[Redhead14]

Also, oddly enough I don't feel any pain this time around. All times prior I can't eat, sleep... Usually a crying mess. This time around I don't feel anything. I Actually feel relieved. It's odd but awesome. Lol

 

I Actually feel relieved. -- If you break no contact, you'll be re-opening the wound and starting over.

 

I don't feel anything -- Good. Don't ruin it by opening yourself up to hear bull**** and/or whining or worse, some kind of smug, insincere words from him.

[crederer]

Breaking NC always ends bad. I've learned this the hard way, several times over. Usually after a night of drinking, then when I sober up feel embarassed.

[walkingonair]

Please don't respond!!! Him texting you that means nothing!! He just wants to see if he still has you. You're gonna feel so much more hurt if you rrspond. My ex has also been recently contacting me and I have ignored! I will only respond to I'm sorry or if he says something from the heart, small talk means nothing!!!

[truth_seeker]

Please don't respond!!! Him texting you that means nothing!! He just wants to see if he still has you. You're gonna feel so much more hurt if you rrspond. My ex has also been recently contacting me and I have ignored! I will only respond to I'm sorry or if he says something from the heart, small talk means nothing!!!

 

I have a better idea - block his number.

[kendahke]

Also, oddly enough I don't feel any pain this time around. All times prior I can't eat, sleep... Usually a crying mess. This time around I don't feel anything. I Actually feel relieved. It's odd but awesome. Lol

 

 

That's called indifference and it's a good place to be.

 

I just had a check up with my doctor this past week. For the first time since my break up, my blood pressure was 120/70. I laughed and said to her "that is the best sign that one is done with the break up process--when their blood pressure returns to normal without the use of blood pressure medication". It took me a long, long time to get here. Being at peace in one's mind, heart and home is gold.

[Eighty_nine]

The opposite of love is indifference. Not hate. It's the best place you could possibly be, although be aware that it will suddenly flip back to love, hate, and eventually indifference again if you stick with NC.

 

I can relate to a lot of your threads. With my last ex, at no point did I want it to be over. He was just so emotionally manipulative and ridiculous that I hit a wall. It just HAD to be over. It was almost like I stopped caring even about myself and my feelings of loss. There was just no way I could go on living that way. It's really an instinctual self protection thing, I think.

[ddlovexx]

So the last time we ever "spoke" was him texting me telling me I was a POS for the 110th time. I then told him I was blocking him and did so. He soon after emailed me telling me how much of a terrible person I am, etc. and also to never contact him again, and if I came back around that he would call the cops (as if I were the dangerous one.) I never answered that email.

 

A couple nights later he texted me "May I speak to you?" I didn't answer. Lady night he sent me as email:

"You got some post office notification that I didn't notice and Vivi opened. I still have Jax boys tree if you need it if not we will throw it out. Glad youre happy and doing so well, I knew it wouldn't take long. Take care."

 

#1 I asked him to leave my mail in the mailbox since I still had the key. #2 Vivi is 2 1/2 years old and can't open Mail, nor have I ever seen her try. #3 He told me to never contact him again. #4 How is he assuming I'm doing well? That means his stalker friend (or now I'm thinking it's actually him) checked my music social media and saw that I posted a video of my first drum Eason in which I am laughing and having too much fun. So he either saw it or is just being manipulative. I wanted to answer and say "how could I not bring doing better now after what you put me through and the way you treated me???" But I didn't reply.

 

I woke up this morning to another email:

"Ok then. Sorry to bother you, I'll Delete your email too if you like. Not trying to play games, I just really did save your stuff. Sorry to have went to your music fb page but Viv has been a lot more upset than I thought about missing you and jax and showing her clips of you singing has really calmed her down. Your silence speaks volumes and I deserve it. Good luck."

 

I want to answer but I know it's not best. I think he just wants a reaction. Vivi is two goddamn years old. She can't even remember what she had for breakfast... There's no way she's upset over me. Trust me I lived with them for a year, out of sight is out of mind for a 2 year old. I do want my stuff, my cat's tree was custom made and I couldn't get it in my car when I was packing up. I do want to be friends with him but I just don't think he's legit sorry at this point. Do I send him a civil email saying that I'll let him know when I can grab my stuff? I'd rather do it while he's at work. I don't want to hurt vivi but I just can't see it honestly affecting her at that age. I don't even remember men my mom dated when I was 5.

 

Help.

Honestly I wanna email him saying "If I'm such a piece of **** why are you still reaching out? It's probably best for me to stay away from Viv right because I'm such a POS RIGHT???" Grrrrrrrrr.

Edited November 11, 2015 by ddlovexx

[Lois_Griffin]

Well first you claim that you blocked the guy, then you say you're getting all these texts and emails from him.

 

So did you block him or not?

 

All you have to do is arrange a day and a time to go by and pick up the rest of your stuff. If you're in the States, you usually request a police escort into the house so there's no problem. It can be done without all the drama you're both engaging in.

 

You can ALSO request he put your stuff outside the day you're coming to get it. That way, you simply drive up, load up the truck, and drive away without all the drama.

[ddlovexx]

I did block his text for a day and then unblocked it. I didn't feel it necessary to block email and I don't feel the need to reach out to him at all so I've kinda just let it be.

 

He's not going to do anything so I don't need police involved. I think I'll just have him leave my stuff outside the apt and have a friend come with to grab it. I'm just afraid that emailing him will provoke a cruddy response from him because he's obviously so mature that he's projecting his feelings through his daughter...

Edited November 11, 2015 by ddlovexx

[William]

Folks, moderation merged content on a similar topic from six threads, placed it in BBU and members are free to continue discussion of that topic in this thread. There may be some duplication of content. Thanks!

[Lostweekend]

I´m so sorry you have to go through this! It sounds very painful and traumatic.

 

Whatever it is that´s going on, NPD or something else, he is obviously causing you tremendous pain. Love should not be like that. It should not have to be such hard work! There will be bumps in the road but what you are describing is not a normal relationship.

 

All you want is to earn his love. Why? Because he has given you a taste of what it feels like. Then he pulls you down from the pedestal and all you want is to get back up there! Going back and forth like that chips away at your self esteem and your mind and heart ends up playing tricks on you. What you are describing is a typical case of emotional abuse and it sounds like he has some form of personality disorder (my personal opinion) In most cases it´s a way of staying in control or keeping you under control.

 

If you look at the whole situation from afar, what does he have to offer you? He lost his job and he bites the hand that´s trying to help him. You don´t deserve that. You need to get out of that house and relationship. You need to save yourself and take time to heal. You don´t have to think about anyone else touching you or about being in a relationship with anyone. Look out for number 1, YOU!!! I am willing to bet that if you put some distance between yourself and him, and the situation. You will see how wrong and messed up it is.

 

If you stay or give him more chances, you will end up having your life destroyed. Eventually he will move on to something or someone else because there´s nothing more he can do with you. Compare him to a parasite. He lives off you and feeds on you. When there´s nothing more to feed on they normally move on to their next victim. I´m sorry for being so brutal but he is slowly destroying you and you need to make that stop!

Edited November 11, 2015 by Lostweekend

[ddlovexx]

So, my ex broke up with me (more than once really) and he was/is the love of my life. I was his, but we had some differences in life choices and he was generally in a bad place at the time and became somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive, pushed me away. At first I was crushed but By the time we were really done (it was over before it was over) I was completely disconnected and done with him and ready to move on. I didn't even cry. I had just realized I didn't want to be with him if this was how it was going to be. It used to be so wonderful, I've seen the best and worst of him.

 

I started seeing someone else. Wonderful man, treats me better than I probably deserve, so handsome and so sweet, so proud to be with me and devotes himself to me in every way a man could. My ex had a bad wake up call: his sister got raped and he beat the crap out of the guy and went to jail for a night. When he initially reached out I didn't answer, but he did have a couple things of mine so I reached out to see if I could pick them up at some point.

 

Basically, I spent some time with him. He cried like a baby. Apologized for everything a man could apologize for, said he couldn't believe he didn't cherish me when he had me... The list goes on. He stopped drinking, he got a new job. He really turned it around. Promised he'd make it up to me for the rest of our lives. I initially told him that I would be there for him (I love him very much, spent a year of my life with him and lived with him) but then I withdrew. #1 because part of me thinks I need to give this new great thing a fair shot and nobody wants someone to talk to their ex. #2 I really need some space to heal and think and renew myself.

 

The last I spoke to him I told him I could not speak to him for these reasons and yadda yadda. Told him I needed time to think. The truth is that I want him back though. Because the last he spoke to me he poured his heart out. Said he would continue to work on himself to be a better man, that he should've appreciated me while he had the chance bc I was the best thing that ever happened to me, etc. Honestly, he seemed so different. I promise you this was a different man. He spoke to me with compassion and love, he was no longer angry or hostile or hateful towards the world. He became the man I always knew he was deep down. The man I knew I loved and wanted to marry one day. He said he was hurting immensely but if giving me time and space meant there is a chance I would come back and he could prove himself to me, that it would be worth it. That he loves me and will marry me and love me forever if I give him another chance.

 

I do want to heal and take some time. I do want to see where this new thing goes. I think NC is the right thing to do for both of us, even if he can't see it... But honestly I want him back now. I feel like he's really changed and he can be wonderful like he was the that day. He said the sweetest things a man could ever say to a woman, he looked in my eyes, I felt it.

 

I'm struggling because this new guy is great. I don't think he'd ever hurt me and I have a wonderful time and feel like I'm falling for him. I feel lucky and I don't want to lose him. But I also think about ex often and often wish I was with him. I don't cry often or pine for him, but in the back of my mind I do feel like we're worth another shot.

 

Any advice or input would be great. I do believe that people meant to be with each other or simply just in each other's lives will always find their way back, whether it's in 6 months or 6 years. My best friends parents were together, broke up, married other people, and have now been married 15 years. I know it needs time and I want us to be better versions of ourselves... But I also just love him more than anything and want to try again. I miss our life together. It's a very real feeling and doesn't feel wrong oddly enough. I would've married this man and part of me thinks there's a real shot. He's 31 I'm 25. I've never wanted to get back with an ex before either, if that counts for anything.

Edited November 17, 2015 by ddlovexx

[AT15]

Why are you looking for permission? You're going to go back regardless. Lol. Leave this new guy alone.

[ddlovexx]

That's not helpful or nice. I'm looking for objective and compassionate views. I might stay with this new guy and fall in love and realize it was the right thing to do. I might stay with him and in 6 months realize I still want my ex or in a year regret not going back. I don't know. I'm definitely going to take some time for myself to think. Just want some support/input.

[foam12]

If you need time to heal or are thinking about a second chance with your ex, then do the right thing and leave the new rebound guy alone. The poor guy...

[baffin]

It sounds like you really love your ex. Are you and he ready to actually make a commitment to each other and get married? If not, IMO, maybe you should examine your feelings a little more. You know, feelings are fickle things and change all the time. Where do you see yourself in a year? in 5 years? in 10 years?

[AT15]

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be not nice, but you are in love with your Ex. And I think that is who you should be with. I think you should work it out.

 

I am speaking from experience as well.